Catholic Guilt

[Ariel1]

I'm confused. I thought you were saying in this thread that you don't go out anymore and that you don't enjoy mass because of the guilt you feel when you go. Sorry I misunderstood. Someone here in Spain recommended to me a while ago that if I want to talk about something uncomfortable, to go to another parish. Perhaps you could consider that, in discussing your suicidal thoughts?

You're quite right that I don't have to believe in everything blindly. There is so much about Catholicism that I love, and the hate speeches only belong to some of them. So the same way I'm complaining that some of the priests are hateful and prejudiced, it is just as wrong for me to be prejudiced against all priests based on some hateful priests.

I'm so lost here in Spain in the mass because my Spanish is very basic, so I don't understand what they're saying and so I can't connect deeply. And of course I can't talk to a priest because we can't understand each other. I have talked to them, but we can only do basic conversations. This pickle that I'm in needs deep discussion. So last night I contacted the order of priests I was in contact with in Canada for 25 years, up until a few years ago. I've asked to set up a few sessions of counselling. Hopefully they say yes!


Maybe you can just ask a priest?

Sorry if I was confusing. I was basically housebound except for going to mass and it was helping and then I got so deeply depressed that I stopped and was totally housebound. Now I try to force myself. Its the only time I leave the house. But I do feel guilty about some things, like my desire to ctb. I hope you find a priest you can talk to.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Anyone here Catholic? I was raised Catholic and recently started attending mass again. For a while it was really helping me feel like life had purpose. But my problems have not gone away or improved and I really can't see things getting better. I have a plan to ctb, but I do worry about going to hell or whatever. But I also can't believe that a loving God would have such little compassion and understanding. I also struggle because part of me believes we are all souls that chose to incarnate in a certain body for a certain purpose and killing myself will mean I won't accomplish whatever I was sent here to do. But realistically, I never leave my house and am miserable all the time so it's not like I'm gonna accomplish anything like this. My life has been such a waste. Anyone else feel like this?

I am a protestant that I don't know appreciates Catholicism. I have been to mass quite a few times though. I have written about religion (Christianity) on here before. I am not a big believer in prayer. While beautiful things have been said about it. I don't really believe it moves the needle in life. I don't think it's really a genie you can rub and have your wishes come true. The descriptions frustrate me. It's basically wait there and see what god says. Like aren't you describing delusions, thought insertion. Like studies have shown it is not effective. I think you are just doing what you want to do. How do you know when it's god or just you. Like thinking about Jesus/God is great. You should he is the standard of good. So yeah it's objectively good so I can see it's point. Prayer I don't believe in I think it's a circular concept the more you pray the more you believe the more you pray supported by the law of large numbers with the belief being believing in the ultimate good. Does God talk/argue back or are you just arguing/talking with yourself? So when you say my life got better I am not surprised. Where's the proof that prayer works? Yes I have tried. Maybe I lack whatever every other Christian has.

In terms of church. I think having a community is a good thing. That said I don't find Christians to be a particularly good community. My treatment by 'Christians" has been worse than non-Christians in life. In my times of need they haven't been there for me. Despite asking. To be honest my view of Christians is pretty negative. Part of my issue with the Vatican is while I understand the need I guess to i don't know to have a gilded city on the hill in the middle and dark ages now? They have a treasury in the tens of billions. The religion that talks about the woman who gave everything she had and touts that. Why aren't they spending everything to evangelize. On the flip side once you are in the church I don't feel like the church really cares. I think they do more to get you there then to keep you there. In essence I don't believe in the church or prayer. I do believe in Jesus/God and the bible.

So I can't say I am surprised. Would love to continue this conversation it is interesting.