Career Troubles.

[Jadedmeursault9]

I just turned 24. Honestly never thought I'd make it this far. I figured I'd be like the Hunter S Thompsons and Nick Drakes and all the other nameless faceless sad artistic types of the world by this point.

I've been working restaurants for a few years. Maybe 5 by this point? Before that I was in retail. Fast food. I had always gotten good grades for the most part but my home life at the end of high school was Rough. I dropped out and got my GED. pursued some college. My home life never really stabilized until I got out on my own and at that point finishing up the college stuff was daunting.

Restaurant work pays the bills and lets me play music when I'm not there. I also have picked up stagehand gigs within the last year or so.

I've never been able to stay at the same place long. The whole idea of staying at a company that doesn't give a shit about you forever seems crazy to me. I can't do it. I won't do it. However, I've realized fairly recently that I find instability comforting. I enjoy the thrill of the next new thing. That thrill isn't worth stressing my loved ones out, however. I know I need to grow up and settle down some.

I worked at this last restaurant for 6 months or so. There was this coworker there who treated me like shit from day one. As a host they'd skip me on purpose. Cuss me whenever they got the chance. I was recently promoted to a lead sever position. To make a long story short, one day they wanted me in early and I said I couldn't make it so they made that problematic coworker a shift lead. I came in and did my job but when it was time to get checked out and go home that coworker made me sweep my section over and over insisting it wasn't right. I told a manager and they seemed apathetic at best so I said I was leaving. As I tried to leave that coworker attacked me. I called the cops. I got let go shortly after.

The idea of going back to the restaurant world seems repulsive. The idea of doing anything else seems uncomfortable. I'm at a crossroads and honestly it's been taking a toll on my mental health. Should I go back to school? Maybe I should pursue this stagehand work more. I mean, I enjoy it. Idk. feel useless when I don't work. I enjoy the feeling of feeling useful.

What do you all do for a living? Do you all get a pit in your stomach when you think of finding a career?

 

[auti]

Hey I'm in a similar boat. I'm 21 and have only ever worked fast food and retail and im sick of it. I flunked out of college and I'm running out of options. Been unemployed for like 8 months and it doesn't seem like this will let up any time soon. The job market is pretty bad rn but hopefully you can find something. I also despise the idea of finding a career. Everything is draining.

 

[Jadedmeursault9]

Hey I'm in a similar boat. I'm 21 and have only ever worked fast food and retail and im sick of it. I flunked out of college and I'm running out of options. Been unemployed for like 8 months and it doesn't seem like this will let up any time soon. The job market is pretty bad rn but hopefully you can find something.

It's hard to get out of bed when the world outside seems so bad. I've had my spells of unemployment inbetween. I will say, when you find a job again it does make you feel a bit better. I hope you find something soon as well.

 

[auti]

It's hard to get out of bed when the world outside seems so bad. I've had my spells of unemployment inbetween. I will say, when you find a job again it does make you feel a bit better. I hope you find something soon as well.

Yeah I really hope I can get something but it feels hopeless for now. Oh well. A girl can only dream.

 

[Jadedmeursault9]

Yeah I really hope I can get something but it feels hopeless for now. Oh well. A girl can only dream.

I have to ask out of curiosity, what is Auti short for?

 

[auti]

I have to ask out of curiosity, what is Auti short for?

Haha it's short for autistic. I am very creative.

 

[Jadedmeursault9]

Haha it's short for autistic. I am very creative.

I knew it! That's great. It's really cute.

 

[auti]

I knew it! That's great. It's really cute.

Thanks! It's kinda like a warning to others than I am bad at socializing and say stupid stuff sometimes.

 

[13eyond 13irthday]

I understand, I think.
I've wanted to CTB for the last 15 years of my life; and I'm almost exactly your age. Slightly different path, but analogous issues, I think.

I'm extremely stupid in just about everything I do; with the one exception being school. And to some lesser extent, hyper specific interests. So, somehow, I got a graduate degree in a chemical/biological/engineering field, only to promptly realize that I wasn't interested in moving to the few parts of the world where that degree was useful.

This has resulted in me finding that, in the area where I actually want to live, I can only work lab jobs. Not something too bad on paper. On paper, I'm overqualified, in fact.

In practice, mistake after mistake just keeps piling up. And worse, we hired a new PI who seems to absolutely despise me, both professionally and personally. I can't even blame her, given that I do in fact continuously fuck up, over, and over, and over again. But I can no longer stand dealing with surprise exams after I'm out of school (yes, actual paper exams, in a work environment, and no, this is not standard), or being berated and told I'm incompetent, even if I know its true.

Anyway, I think I understand, because I have reached a culmination of the last 7 years of my education, only to realize it was all worthless. I don't want it anymore. And yet, the whole point was to go into research into the one thing I cared about; only for me to realize I just don't care about living anymore. I couldn't motivate myself to do this, and every day that goes by is another wasted bit of pain I don't want.

I'll tell you what I'm planning to do, but mark that what works (or doesn't) work for me might or might not work for you.

I'm quitting my job, and I'm going back to college to study something else that interested me. I always enjoyed math more than others, even if I'm only middling at it. And computer science is useful, the sort of field that, if I succeed with it, could let me work from home. And I think I'd like that.


TL;DR
I work a lab job, currently, but I'm in a similar situation to you, and I can't stand it anymore. And yes, that pit in my stomach regarding finding a new path in life is the latest, greatest reason for me to CTB. But on the other hand, it's an opportunity for a fresh start in life, maybe I'll be happy in a few years. It's worth a shot. And if not; well, it's very comforting to know that I've researched enough to have a good idea on how to comfortably exit reality.

I wish you the best of luck, Jaded.

 

[Jadedmeursault9]

I understand, I think.
I've wanted to CTB for the last 15 years of my life; and I'm almost exactly your age. Slightly different path, but analogous issues, I think.

I'm extremely stupid in just about everything I do; with the one exception being school. And to some lesser extent, hyper specific interests. So, somehow, I got a graduate degree in a chemical/biological/engineering field, only to promptly realize that I wasn't interested in moving to the few parts of the world where that degree was useful.

This has resulted in me finding that, in the area where I actually want to live, I can only work lab jobs. Not something too bad on paper. On paper, I'm overqualified, in fact.

In practice, mistake after mistake just keeps piling up. And worse, we hired a new PI who seems to absolutely despise me, both professionally and personally. I can't even blame her, given that I do in fact continuously fuck up, over, and over, and over again. But I can no longer stand dealing with surprise exams after I'm out of school (yes, actual paper exams, in a work environment, and no, this is not standard), or being berated and told I'm incompetent, even if I know its true.

Anyway, I think I understand, because I have reached a culmination of the last 7 years of my education, only to realize it was all worthless. I don't want it anymore. And yet, the whole point was to go into research into the one thing I cared about; only for me to realize I just don't care about living anymore. I couldn't motivate myself to do this, and every day that goes by is another wasted bit of pain I don't want.

I'll tell you what I'm planning to do, but mark that what works (or doesn't) work for me might or might not work for you.

I'm quitting my job, and I'm going back to college to study something else that interested me. I always enjoyed math more than others, even if I'm only middling at it. And computer science is useful, the sort of field that, if I succeed with it, could let me work from home. And I think I'd like that.


TL;DR
I work a lab job, currently, but I'm in a similar situation to you, and I can't stand it anymore. And yes, that pit in my stomach regarding finding a new path in life is the latest, greatest reason for me to CTB. But on the other hand, it's an opportunity for a fresh start in life, maybe I'll be happy in a few years. It's worth a shot. And if not; well, it's very comforting to know that I've researched enough to have a good idea on how to comfortably exit reality.

I wish you the best of luck, Jaded.

Reading this made me feel comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in this.

I've heard a lot of negative things about the computer science field, especially with the advent of AI. That's enough to keep me away. I trust you know better, though. Let me know how it goes.

I've looked for work-at-home jobs for a while as well. I'm even willing to take a pay cut (being a waiter pays remarkably well where I live, I average $24/hr most weeks). A lot of the job ads I see out here are mostly fake. It's disheartening.

Lately I've felt paralyzed by everything. I suffer from ADHD paralysis a lot. I'm the kind of guy where I either do everything in one day or I don't do anything. All or nothing. Here lately I've been trying to find the balance between doing everything on my to-do list and doom scrolling.

Once I reapply for my Medicaid I think I'll get my health stuff taken care of and then I'll apply for FAFSA. It couldn't hurt.

The idea of figuring out what to pursue has been looming over me like a dark cloud. The stuff I enjoy (Philosophy, Religion, Arts and such) don't really correlate with finding a job. I guess it's just the capitalistic society we live in. I know I am not cut out for teaching. Idk.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[13eyond 13irthday]

Reading this made me feel comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in this.

I've heard a lot of negative things about the computer science field, especially with the advent of AI. That's enough to keep me away. I trust you know better, though. Let me know how it goes.

I've looked for work-at-home jobs for a while as well. I'm even willing to take a pay cut (being a waiter pays remarkably well where I live, I average $24/hr most weeks). A lot of the job ads I see out here are mostly fake. It's disheartening.

Lately I've felt paralyzed by everything. I suffer from ADHD paralysis a lot. I'm the kind of guy where I either do everything in one day or I don't do anything. All or nothing. Here lately I've been trying to find the balance between doing everything on my to-do list and doom scrolling.

Once I reapply for my Medicaid I think I'll get my health stuff taken care of and then I'll apply for FAFSA. It couldn't hurt.

The idea of figuring out what to pursue has been looming over me like a dark cloud. The stuff I enjoy (Philosophy, Religion, Arts and such) don't really correlate with finding a job. I guess it's just the capitalistic society we live in. I know I am not cut out for teaching. Idk.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Well then, you make more than I do, with what sounds like a lot less hassle in terms of education.

Something I wish I had taken more seriously when I first read it, is the basic math behind optimal stopping problems. Frankly, I should look more into it even now, and try to understand it better.

As I understand it; one of the simple ways you can figure out an optimal place to stop, is to use the solution to the "Secretary Problem".

Going off of memory, the basic idea is as follows. Imagine you are an employer, trying to hire the best secretary you can, or get the best choice, more generally. In this scenario, you have a total list of N options; and once you discard an option, you can't go back if it turns out to be the best one. I'm not the best with LaTex, so I won't bother typing up the full proof here. The optimal solution when you have N options, is to first view 37% of your N options; then choose the first option you see that is better than everything you've viewed so far (or the last option you find, if you get unlucky).

My point in bringing this up, is that I regret the fact that I knew this was the correct way to do things. You may well be able to use it better than me, so I hope it helps! And instead of using this math to figure out the optimal path in life, I just told myself that I knew what I wanted and worked towards getting it. Stupid of me, as usual. Even now, the truth is I just don't know enough, and I'm not smart enough to figure it out even with the correct tools.

I think, if I understand how to apply this better now, is that I should try to spend 37% of my remaining time, trying out as many different options as I can, before committing to the best one. Maybe I'm wrong though!

If I could provide another bit of advice, maybe something you could try is to make multiple youtube channels, blogs, etc, and post separately your insights in religion, art, philosophy, etc. It might help you to discover which parts work best for you, and then you can commit to whichever ones work best for you.