Cant move on

[sadsillygoose]

Connected with my childhood friends after years on social media. I know that not everything you see on there is realistic, and I try not to go on there much but its still eating me in the back of my brain.
Even if I didnt find everyone's life to be the best, I realised that atleast they moved on and most of them seemed genuinely content with where they were.
Me on the other hand, Im still stuck at 13 years old since I got depressed, I thought it was just a phase and I'll move on but I did not.

I'm so tired of existing that I can't even look at my own face or hear my own voice without feeling disgusted.
I just keep pushing and telling myself that I'm not dealt with the worst cards in life, but I cant even dare to think about myself 6 months from now on.
And people expect me to be happy? and hopeful? and these are supposed to be the best years of my life and it will get even worse from now?

I've decided to live my fullest life, almost like how people decide to spend their last days when they know they are going to die soon. I'm giving myself a deadline of about 2 months If I'm not feeling ok by then I need to jump even if I end up paralyzed for the rest of my life.

 

[lpdsvm]

I feel something similar. Good idea to care less once there is a method.
I realized everyone cares about money only.
My own boss is trying to scam me. The problem is not about any money but it is just that I have no skills or anything that can actually help me. I want to end it but I still can afford small things. I feel like it is about to end soon, but not now, and it makes me wonder why not CTB now. I see my future and its awful. It is more likely to happen.
I was never a valuable person. I was used to make them extra money. I might not even have the skills to do that job - just there to enrich them.