Discussion Can't get over friends suicide

[Bianka]

I am pro choice. (I know what a suprise on this forum) I don't blame her or don't understand the decision but it's killing me and it have been almost two years since. It's such a weird feeling I can't comprehend. I never come closer to crying than when she inevitably wonders into my mind every once in a while. I can't even put it into words but maybe you get what I'm saying. The duality of it all...

 

[ForgottenAgain]

One may be pro choice but we're still human. We still get attached and love people and by loving them we don't want them to die. It's okay to be pro choice and yet not want someone dear to us to die. It's part of being a human to have that hypocrisy.

I'm very sorry about your friend, it must be a gigantic pain one can never truly recover from... I hope you can get some sollace in her eternal peace, even though it is tragic and sad...

 

[recat]

I feel you brother, or sister, or however else you may with to be addressed. I too have lost a close friend to suicide in 2021. I tried my best to help him, to acompany him, to visit him, to be by his side.. but nothing could do it. I am also pro choice but of course, it will hurt, and I know you're hurting, I know it so, so very well.

Sometimes I find solace in knowing that my dear friend is no longer suffering, and I try to focus on that to move on with life, but other time I just go into denial, hoping he may have been arrested under weed distribution charges or something, and that he is actually okay. I guess I am lucky in having the benefit of the doubt, or maybe unlucky due to the uncertainty, I don't know. All I knew was that he was suicidal to an extreme level for almost the entire time I knew him, and the last message he sent me was happy birthday.

It's been quite a few years and sometimes it still kills me too. I guess the only thing we can do is just.. somehow.. find a way to make peace.. you know.. I am still on that journey myself to be frank.

 

[Meteora]

I am pro choice. (I know what a suprise on this forum) I don't blame her or don't understand the decision but it's killing me and it have been almost two years since. It's such a weird feeling I can't comprehend. I never come closer to crying than when she inevitably wonders into my mind every once in a while. I can't even put it into words but maybe you get what I'm saying. The duality of it all...

Get what you mean..... that's so tough . Guess there's always many different feelings tied to such a event, sadness, desperation, even anger, feeling glad for her..... etc.
Maybe try to keep the nice things you two shared alive.... maybe it could help you live with her choice.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Even when we are pro choice, when it comes to someone you love it is rather conflicting. You know they deserve the freedom of choice/ the freedom to end their life, but you also deeply care about this person and don't want anything to happen to them.

I lost 3 people to suicide. The person whom I didn't really have a relationship with but was in the background of my daily life didn't really affect me much. Yes it is sad that they died and was strange not seeing them.. but I respect their choice.

However my Dad's suicide and the friend I met on here, they hurt so much and it's conflicting because I do want to feel angry at them for leaving. I wish I knew why my Dad did it, I want to ask why he left me and what I could have done differently. But I also know I have to respect his choice.

 

[sincerely dead]

I am so sorry for your loss. It does not make you any less pro-choice to be deeply grieving the loss of someone who was so important to you. My childhood best friend died by SN (she was a member here and that's how I know about it), and I wish every single day that I could just call her up and get pancakes at midnight and laugh about the weird boys from our high school. I miss us popping over to each other's places with terrible food and even worse television. But I knew how intense her suffering was and I am relieved for her being at peace. If I knew she was about to end her life, the humanity in me would definitely have tried to talk her out of it. And I had before! It doesn't mean I am some heartless pro-lifer. But we are human beings with emotion and I do not believe we were actually designed to be the ones to take our lives. SI is proof of it, and obviously losing someone that you love in any capacity is going to suck.

I sit here and wish she never did it, but what I really wish is that the circumstances that brought her to that point did not exist. I get angry sometimes that she actually did it, but then I remember to redirect my anger toward this world and its failure to be kind to her.

 

[lita-lassi]

i will always be able to understand the why, i dont want to be here at all either, but being directly asked if id be ok if they left is a different subject entirely. i spent 5 straight hours talking my partner down from suicide the other night... i was initially happy because i "won" but my life situation shows no real hope for improvement and at this point i just dont want him to do it without me.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Yes, that pain must be difficult to swallow when sometimes you remember and miss her. And it's kind of sad that you're now drifting to the same point yourself.

 

[Bianka]

I sit here and wish she never did it, but what I really wish is that the circumstances that brought her to that point did not exist.

This is actually such a nice way to look at it. To the bottom of hell with everything and everyone who pushed her to that point