Venting Can't cope with being a 23 year old KHHV

[SubhumanVirgin]

Benzos and alcohol seem to be my easiest method. Nothing worthwhile in my life to keep going. I have absolutely no experience. Never got to experiment with drugs and alcohol in my teens. Never got to have that first gf. Never went to a party. Never gotten to do anything.

Tired of school and work. Certainly can't deal with fucking more grad school. Life has no moments of joy, I hate being social because I always say something wrong, hate drinking with others for the same reason. It's all too late for me to become normal so I'm just gonna call it

 

[Dawn0071111]

Hi There..... I hear the desperation and so sorry it has come to that for you..please pardon my ignorance but what is KHHV?

 

[gingerplum]

Hi There..... I hear the desperation and so sorry it has come to that for you..please pardon my ignorance but what is KHHV?

I'm guessing kissless, handholdless, hugless virgin... which depressed me just to type out.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Im with you in that department pal, except the drinking part because alcohol numbs me and i like being numb. Also just another thing but will anybody close to you become destroyed if yoy the Ctb Route? Be careful because you might cause more harm to others close to you and if not then go with the least messiest method if possible, if not then good luck!

 

[gingerplum]

Benzos and alcohol seem to be my easiest method. Nothing worthwhile in my life to keep going. I have absolutely no experience. Never got to experiment with drugs and alcohol in my teens. Never got to have that first gf. Never went to a party. Never gotten to do anything.

Tired of school and work. Certainly can't deal with fucking more grad school. Life has no moments of joy, I hate being social because I always say something wrong, hate drinking with others for the same reason. It's all too late for me to become normal so I'm just gonna call it

Do you have some type of social anxiety, and/or a history of depression? I'm genuinely interested, because it hurts my heart that you're only 23 and feeling this sad, even in social settings. Please PM me if you'd like to talk.

Edit: I believe you need 4 posts in order to PM.

 

[SubhumanVirgin]

Im with you in that department pal, except the drinking part because alcohol numbs me and i like being numb. Also just another thing but will anybody close to you become destroyed if yoy the Ctb Route? Be careful because you might cause more harm to others close to you and if not then go with the least messiest method if possible, if not then good luck!

Nah no one will care I'm the oldest of ten kids so they have plenty of others to work with and I don't have any friends or anything who would be affected

 

[gingerplum]

Nah no one will care I'm the oldest of ten kids so they have plenty of others to work with and I don't have any friends or anything who would be affected

Holy crowd control, Batman. Are your parents Catholic?

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Nah no one will care I'm the oldest of ten kids so they have plenty of others to work with and I don't have any friends or anything who would be affected

What about little siblings and such?

 

[SubhumanVirgin]

Do you have some type of social anxiety, and/or a history of depression? I'm genuinely interested, because it hurts my heart that you're only 23 and feeling this sad, even in social settings. Please PM me if you'd like to talk.

Edit: I believe you need 4 posts in order to PM.

Yes I have a history I guess. Doesn't really matter though. It's too late to make up for what I missed and don't care about the future or the theoretical experiences I could have.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I totally get this.... no one would believe me if they saw me though.... some of us for many reason find that we just have difficulties finding the kind of connection, bonding, attraction, chemistry we need...... We are human and depending on what kind of tempermant we have our up bringing and so many other factors..... it can be crushing and emotionally debilitating to not be able to interact with a partner..... thats why Im here........ There are so many ways to be broken......

I'm so sorry.... I dont know much about this condition, but I know that when it comes to matters of the heart...... its truly devastating.......... I am a firm beliver that the foundation of life is love and intimacy.... its an opinion, some seems to find a way to do well without it-- I envy them.....

Can nothing be done for this sort of thing? And please forgive my ignorance, I think many of us naturally becime curious when people of young age express such despair...maybe its like SI by proxy...

There is much understanding here... The struggle is real....

Welcome

Huggz

 

[Blackjack]

It has really surprised me since joining this site 6+ weeks ago to see how many young adults are here. Hurts my heart to see so many of you in pain at what should be the best time of your lives. I didn't get cynical & jaded until much later in life.

 

[White_Room293]

Benzos and alcohol seem to be my easiest method. Nothing worthwhile in my life to keep going. I have absolutely no experience. Never got to experiment with drugs and alcohol in my teens. Never got to have that first gf. Never went to a party. Never gotten to do anything.

Tired of school and work. Certainly can't deal with fucking more grad school. Life has no moments of joy, I hate being social because I always say something wrong, hate drinking with others for the same reason. It's all too late for me to become normal so I'm just gonna call it

Get a prostitute. You're welcome.

 

[SubhumanVirgin]

Get a prostitute. You're welcome.

Not interested in meaningless sex. Otherwise I'd be content to have some sugar babies in my 30s once my career is finalized

 

[gingerplum]

Yes I have a history I guess. Doesn't really matter though. It's too late to make up for what I missed and don't care about the future or the theoretical experiences I could have.

But it's not too late... you're 23, the world should be your oyster. I'm not here to encourage anyone either way, but I hope to stimulate people that I'm concerned about to really think thru their options and possibilities. You owe it to yourself to do that.

Anyway. This community is pretty incredible, so you'll likely find camaraderie, empathy, and support. Here if you want to chat.

 

[Thanatos]

I cant believe anyone over 30 is still suicidal and hasn't done it yet. No disrespect I'm just 19 and feel like I'd be insane by then if I dont ctb

 

[mynameispaige]

I'm also a 23 year old KHHV. I know exactly how you feel. You're not alone with this.

 

[Astral316]

I hugged a girl once. Can I still be apart of the group?

 

[Sunset Limited]

Not interested in meaningless sex. Otherwise I'd be content to have some sugar babies in my 30s once my career is finalized

Let me ask you a personal question, man. Do you ever watch porn and wank?

 

[gingerplum]

I'm also a 23 year old KHHV. I know exactly how you feel. You're not alone with this.

I've seen your posts and I know you're really struggling, Paige. Makes me wish I could be there in person for you.

 

[SubhumanVirgin]

Let me ask you a personal question, man. Do you ever watch porn and wank?

Used to. Haven't jerked off in a year plus I no longer have a sex drive

But it's not too late... you're 23, the world should be your oyster. I'm not here to encourage anyone either way, but I hope to stimulate people that I'm concerned about to really think thru their options and possibilities. You owe it to yourself to do that.

Anyway. This community is pretty incredible, so you'll likely find camaraderie, empathy, and support. Here if you want to chat.

I know my options and possibilities though that's the thing. I'm in grad school for a great career and should be able to retire relatively young if I'm intelligent with month. No reason I shouldn't be making $200k a year by the time I'm thirty. That doesn't matter to me though. I don't want that, don't want a family with someone who experienced all life had to offer. I want to experience it. And now I'm well past the age I can.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Had you tried to read the mgtow philosophy? Also some Jordan peterson and some Nietzsche helps too!

 

[shango]

I honestly feel you man. I'm only 20 tho, but I've given up at this point because of other reasons. I actually used to be pretty "outgoing" I guess. Although, all I really did was follow my actual outgoing friends since middle school. But now my friends pretty much betrayed me a while ago and now I'm pretty hopeless now

 

[Asta]

It's amazing how much better we can feel if we decide to help others. There are so many people in this world who would appreciate knowing that even one person cared enough to visit them. The opportunities are endless - nursing homes and veterans hospitals, volunteering at homeless shelters and soup kitchens, playing with the kittens or walking the dogs at an animal shelter. When we're thinking about bringing a little joy to another, we forget about ourselves.

 

[SubhumanVirgin]

It's amazing how much better we can feel if we decide to help others. There are so many people in this world who would appreciate knowing that even one person cared enough to visit them. The opportunities are endless - nursing homes and veterans hospitals, volunteering at homeless shelters and soup kitchens, playing with the kittens or walking the dogs at an animal shelter. When we're thinking about bringing a little joy to another, we forget about ourselves.

I volunteered with homeless children for two years. Didn't bring me any joy. You can't fill the void of missing basic human experience, I've tried

 

[gingerplum]

I volunteered with homeless children for two years. Didn't bring me any joy. You can't fill the void of missing basic human experience, I've tried

Wow. You sound truly anhedonic.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I volunteered with homeless children for two years. Didn't bring me any joy. You can't fill the void of missing basic human experience, I've tried

Its true.... e are not just here to be servants or maids.... There IS incredible joy found in service, charity, giving oneself, giving to something bigger than oneself. I have experinced this.... But then you come home to the emptiness. Really us humans need a BALANCED life.... we have mutiple needs... For work, play, rest, giving and reciving. I'm not saying that GINGERPLUM was suggesting this, I dont think she was.... But i will just say that sometimes a depressed agonized sate of mind can't shift when we are trying to replace one thing for another.... I find that if I am helping others just because I'm too much of a loser to find love, the whole thing collapses..... However, this has worked for many even as a catalyst to healing.....

I know youve tried..... and its okay to want to throw in the towel..... Where are you as far as wanting to CTB? Sounds like your in despair and beginning the journey of considering it as an option?

 

[SubhumanVirgin]

Its true.... e are not just here to be servants or maids.... There IS incredible joy found in service, charity, giving oneself, giving to something bigger than oneself. I have experinced this.... But then you come home to the emptiness. Really us humans need a BALANCED life.... we have mutiple needs... For work, play, rest, giving and reciving. I'm not saying that GINGERPLUM was suggesting this, I dont think she was.... But i will just say that sometimes a depressed agonized sate of mind can't shift when we are trying to replace one thing for another.... I find that if I am helping others just because I'm too much of a loser to find love, the whole thing collapses..... However, this has worked for many even as a catalyst to healing.....

I know youve tried..... and its okay to want to throw in the towel..... Where are you as far as wanting to CTB? Sounds like your in despair and beginning the journey of considering it as an option?

I've been suicidal for a long time, now I'm getting pretty close to ready to put it into action. Just deciding what to do first. I might take a trip to hangout with my only friend for a couple days then end it after that. Or blow my money on an overseas trip and neck across the ocean. Not really sure yet

 

[GreyMonkey]

I know my options and possibilities though that's the thing. I'm in grad school for a great career and should be able to retire relatively young if I'm intelligent with month. No reason I shouldn't be making $200k a year by the time I'm thirty. That doesn't matter to me though. I don't want that, don't want a family with someone who experienced all life had to offer. I want to experience it. And now I'm well past the age I can.

Umm 23 is nowhere near past the age of experiencing what life has to offer. Not even close.

You say you can get a career and earn good money. Well put that money into creating the life you want. Get a good therapist and work through the attachment issues. Get supplementation to deal with the anhedonia. Get a coach to help you connect with women. Go to self development workshops.

It won't be easy. It's a grind to make real meaningful change. Suicide is sort of an easier option. Sort of but not really because it's actually incredibly difficult to kill oneself.

Not trying to talk you out of it because I get that your problems and pain are real to you. That the way you are viewing the world (it's over I missed out already) is real to you. And to you it seems as if there is no hope.

It's not true though. It's just that hope takes hard work to achieve. It can be done though. We can change. And you can reinvent yourself. If you wanted to.

 

[gingerplum]

Umm 23 is nowhere near past the age of experiencing what life has to offer. Not even close.

You say you can get a career and earn good money. Well put that money into creating the life you want. Get a good therapist and work through the attachment issues. Get supplementation to deal with the anhedonia. Get a coach to help you connect with women. Go to self development workshops.

It won't be easy. It's a grind to make real meaningful change. Suicide is sort of an easier option. Sort of but not really because it's actually incredibly difficult to kill oneself.

Not trying to talk you out of it because I get that your problems and pain are real to you. That the way you are viewing the world (it's over I missed out already) is real to you. And to you it seems as if there is no hope.

It's not true though. It's just that hope takes hard work to achieve. It can be done though. We can change. And you can reinvent yourself. If you wanted to.

Slow clap. I'm becoming more of a fan of yours every time you post.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I've been suicidal for a long time, now I'm getting pretty close to ready to put it into action. Just deciding what to do first. I might take a trip to hangout with my only friend for a couple days then end it after that. Or blow my money on an overseas trip and neck across the ocean. Not really sure yet

IT good to take time to figure things out..... thats what we are all doing here.