I was determined that if there was nothing left for me to do with my life, and I tried everything, that I would most certainly kill myself. Now I'm at the point where nearly everything I wanted to do hasn't worked out for me, but recently I started wanting to live. I don't know where it came from but I just couldn't bring myself to want to die. I have the nitrogen tank sitting in my closet ready to be built into an exit bag mechanism, yet I can't see myself doing it. I feel like life is very rare, and when you die you lose yourself and everything. I haven't been given a lot in life, no talents or skills to build upon, but what I've got available to me, I'm willing to take and work with. There's something about being absolutely gone forever that gets to me, and I feel like you should be 100% sure you want to die if you do it. I guess a lot of people are in pain, and it's a pain I cannot relate to, while I'm depressed about my circumstances, I don't hurt enough to want to erase my entirety. I mean that's insane, Imagine erasing everything right now, I can't bring myself to do it.
Life is rare.
Well life is rare, as a matter of fact just as rare as death, as everything that died has lived. Not rocks though…well maybe.
Bucket lists can be extensive. I would gather though that most souls who wanted to live and made it to the end of their lives, probably wanted a bit more life. As the natural state for life is to live, doesnt surprise me much.
Heroes is what comes to mind for me, as a hero isnt worth much unless they risk death, the loss of life. Surprises me a bit how heroes arent just imaginary and those that are the most honored are those that died for others, like memorial day. I guess its on my mind a bit how death is a greater gift in some ways as there is no "glad you are alive" day. Dont get me wrong you want to live thats your option, we just seem to honor death more than eating cheetos another day.
People in my opinion, generally dont stub their toe or lack talent at basketball ball and decide to shake hands with death. Mostly I would say it is a level of suffering that you have not personally experienced, whether it be physical, mental, or both. That suffering is so intense a person chose death rather than to bear that load anymore. The moment of death might have been quick but some gave it a fair amount of thought.
Moccasins, walking in another's shoes. It is perhaps the greatest teacher, experience. If you have not experienced the depths of pain and suffering that would get someone to consider death, well perhaps in some ways that is a good thing. Would be my belief that anyone who has considered a longer meeting with the reaper, has not wished that for anyone else.
So heroes often barter with death to save others. When I read others post here I often see heroes, some of the strongest people who made a choice and bowed out on their own accord or for some they blow that party favor and run the clock of life down.
All will meet death somewhere along the path…
