Painless_end
Life is too difficult for me
- Oct 11, 2019
- 794
Can't believe I'm still alive. How do you live if the very foundation of life which is growing up to become a functional adult and being independent, is out of reach because of the fact that you feel it is like death to grow up.
For me, being an adult and growing up and committing to any line of work or relationship has felt like death. Due to this, I refuse jobs. I refuse commitments and responsibilities that I don't like.
I know it cannot change for me. Because deep down I am someone who resists having to take on the darkness of the world.
Due to an unfortunate neurological issue that doesn't let me develop the interest or competencies in any line of work, I have ended up being voluntarily unemployed and living with my parents. I will never enjoy any job or any hobby.
I have realised lack of actual ambition is a complete disaster for life. You can't survive if your ambition is zero or even negative.
The only way most normal people are able to survive life is by being actively engrossed in their work so that they do not feel depressed.
I can never have that. I realized that long ago, so the only thing left to do, was hoping for a quick death to end this suffering.
For me, being an adult and growing up and committing to any line of work or relationship has felt like death. Due to this, I refuse jobs. I refuse commitments and responsibilities that I don't like.
I know it cannot change for me. Because deep down I am someone who resists having to take on the darkness of the world.
Due to an unfortunate neurological issue that doesn't let me develop the interest or competencies in any line of work, I have ended up being voluntarily unemployed and living with my parents. I will never enjoy any job or any hobby.
I have realised lack of actual ambition is a complete disaster for life. You can't survive if your ambition is zero or even negative.
The only way most normal people are able to survive life is by being actively engrossed in their work so that they do not feel depressed.
I can never have that. I realized that long ago, so the only thing left to do, was hoping for a quick death to end this suffering.