Can't believe I'm here.

[Saturn's Rings]

Hi, I'm new on here. I'm in the UK, have struggled with depression and anxiety for the last 10 years, all to do with loss. Loss of family and relationships, I don't cope at all well with break ups and the latest has caused me all kinds of issues. Waking every day to anxiety, panic attacks, physical pain and mental anguish....I can't cope anymore. So, not for the first time I thought about ending my life, cannot bear feeling like this continuously with no hope of improvement. I'm 61, in good health and have 4 lovely children, that should be enough right?? But it isn't. I feel helpless to my feelings about my ex and don't want to face life without her. Should I feel guilty about leaving my family and friends, let alone what it might do to her if I go through with it. But being alive and sad and desperate beyond belief is truly insufferable for me.

I'm sorry to spout off but it's actually nice to have found a forum with people who have the same thoughts.

Much love xx

 

[tired868686]

I'm sorry you have found yourself in this position!
Can you speak to your ex or your children about what you are going through or are they of no support?
I can't tell you whether you should feel guilty or not, that's something you will have to decide for yourself, but I can tell you that your suffering is valid and you shouldn't be forced to face it alone!
I hope you find solace and things get better for you.
Best wishes

 

[emgrl]

It's so hard when the feeling to CTB is so strong. Even though most of us here have tried some sort of mental health care and find it doesn't work well, have you tried to speak to someone about how you're feeling? It might be able to help a bit if you haven't yet. You never know, being able to discuss these issues with an unbiased individual might shed some light on why you feel this way, and hopefully turn things around for you. I'm here if you ever need to talk or vent, you aren't alone

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering

 

[Saturn's Rings]

They are a huge support but this is something I cannot shake off. Tried the meds, cutting down on alcohol etc. The ex doesn't know how bad I feel because I'm terrified I'll scare her away for good. ATM we can still chat as friends on what's app and she's been over a few times. But it's plain she's only doing it to be kind.

It's so hard when the feeling to CTB is so strong. Even though most of us here have tried some sort of mental health care and find it doesn't work well, have you tried to speak to someone about how you're feeling? It might be able to help a bit if you haven't yet. You never know, being able to discuss these issues with an unbiased individual might shed some light on why you feel this way, and hopefully turn things around for you. I'm here if you ever need to talk or vent, you aren't alone

You're very kind xx

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really hard having to deal with all that. I'm sorry that you have to suffer so much, it sounds so tiring what you are going through. I wish you peace.

 

[Pluto]

It may be helpful to understand that the origin of this type of experience goes right back to early childhood.

Attachment Styles and How They Affect Adult Relationships

Attachment styles stem from the relationship you had with your primary caregiver as an infant, and influence you into adulthood. Here's all you need to know.

www.helpguide.org

 

[Hope:-)]

Hiya. Much love to you also. I know what you mean about not being able to believe you're here. I wish you the very best xx

 

[theboy]

Yes, it is normal to feel guilty when we leave our loved ones behind.

 

[emgrl]

It may be helpful to understand that the origin of this type of experience goes right back to early childhood.

Attachment Styles and How They Affect Adult Relationships

Attachment styles stem from the relationship you had with your primary caregiver as an infant, and influence you into adulthood. Here's all you need to know.

www.helpguide.org

Great read… thanks for sharing.

 

[IanUK]

Hi, I'm new on here. I'm in the UK, have struggled with depression and anxiety for the last 10 years, all to do with loss. Loss of family and relationships, I don't cope at all well with break ups and the latest has caused me all kinds of issues. Waking every day to anxiety, panic attacks, physical pain and mental anguish....I can't cope anymore. So, not for the first time I thought about ending my life, cannot bear feeling like this continuously with no hope of improvement. I'm 61, in good health and have 4 lovely children, that should be enough right?? But it isn't. I feel helpless to my feelings about my ex and don't want to face life without her. Should I feel guilty about leaving my family and friends, let alone what it might do to her if I go through with it. But being alive and sad and desperate beyond belief is truly insufferable for me.

I'm sorry to spout off but it's actually nice to have found a forum with people who have the same thoughts.

Much love xx

I'm 61 too. I'm in a very different place in life. I'm also in the UK. Your problem sounds like you haven't gone properly through the process of adjustment to a change in your life. A lot of people struggle with adjustment to significant changes in life. For many people a relationship defines who we are, it's a bed rock of our lives and to lose that leaves us unsure uncertain and rudderless. It's interesting because for me I've never wanted or needed relationships because I've never trusted a single person in my life. I know it sounds old hat but you have 4 kids, family, people who love you and care. Don't throw that away. Please, fate is a strange thing and I've found things happen for a reason. We are polar opposites I literally have no purpose existing and when I die no one will mourn me I or be upset. Your death whenever it comes will impact many and resonate - don't throw that privilege away