But what will the neighbours think?

[Pluto]

I had a book as a teenager called the Dictionary of Cynical Quotations. I was particularly fascinated by the various perspectives provided on the chapter about suicide. Today, I found myself recalling a particular quote which, thanks to the magic of the internet, I was able to track down anew in a matter of moments:

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbours will say.
— Cyril Connolly, 1903-1974, British writer

Its humour derives from the absurdity of someone who is already dead worrying about what other people think of them. But even beyond this, there is more substance than meets the eye.

The first implication of Mr. Connolly's remark is that suicidal ideation is somewhat widespread, but repressed because of the associated stereotype of self-harm being an antisocial act; the mark of one who is unwilling to work to contribute to society, uninterested in all the marvels of the universe, callous towards all charitable causes and apathetic to the possibly immense grief caused to loved ones. You know the drill.

Or, as another memorable quotation from the book (one by a different author) suggested, one who completes a suicide is killing the whole world from their perspective. As an aside, I notice that a lot of these anti-suicide quotes tend to be completely ignorant to the intensity of chronic pain or grief that can be so potent as to override the engrained pro-social tendencies that are a part of the human condition. This includes a sense of peer pressure to deny any hints of suicidal ideation and feel heroic for surviving indefinitely regardless of one's own misery.

The next question is whether there is any evidence that repressed suicidal tendencies are widespread amongst humanity. As a primer, a general rule of thumb is that emotional repression will always lead to another outlet of dysfunction, analogous to a balloon which will expand in one place when squeezed in another. Personally, I find the evidence quite compelling: why would average people be negligent towards their own health if they love life so much? How to rationalise the apathy and denialism towards the state of the world? What explains the addiction to escapist entertainment? For that matter, why the defensiveness if attempts are made to have an unbiased discussion around the complex issues of euthanasia? Make no mistake: most people are miserable.

Anyway, it has come full circle for me. I realise that the strongest argument I currently have to take on endless issues of health and social isolation is the fact that I would be widely remembered as a weirdo, a loner, a disappointment and a loser if I die without successfully overcoming the challenges I've been battling for decades. By contrast, if I managed to turn the ship around to achieve some semblance of normality, I could bask in the glory of dozens of thumbs-up emojis as I gloat about my accomplishments on Facebook. Suddenly, I feel struck by the absurdity of the situation, especially as genuinely living seems unimaginable, short of some miraculous change. Quite a strange planet we live on.

 

[R. A.]

Or, as another memorable quotation from the book suggested, one who completes a suicide is killing the whole world from their perspective. As an aside, I notice that a lot of these anti-suicide quotes tend to be completely ignorant to the intensity of chronic pain or grief that can be so potent as to override the engrained pro-social tendencies that are a part of the human condition. This includes a sense of peer pressure to deny any hints of suicidal ideation and feel heroic for surviving indefinitely regardless of one's own misery.

I think one could easily counter-argue that debilitating chronic ailments of whatever nature have already done us the favour of killing our whole world for us. Or, maybe more accurately, nearly annihilating it and leaving it in any degree of state of post-apocalyptic nightmare. This guy can take a hike.

Edit: wow he sure can; just followed the link and saw, among other gems, the following: "Imprisoned in every fat man a thin one is wildly signaling to be let out." Hoo boy...

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm not sure most people are miserable. Certainly among the many billions of people around there are plenty of miserable people, but I think most people find life worthwhile, even if many among those aren't exactly bursting with joy.

Happy people definitely often fail to realize that happiness is a luxury.

I am sure there will be tons of judgment of me postmortem, much of it for the same reasons you put forth. I just trust it won't be relevant and remember I never had control of peoples opinions in life either.

 

[Pluto]

I think one could easily counter-argue that debilitating chronic ailments of whatever nature have already done us the favour of killing our whole world for us.

Just to clarify, that second quotation (which I do not have at hand) was by a completely separate author, as the original book was a compilation by a wide variety of historical authors. I have clarified this point in my post. I agree with your response to it, though.

Dry humour is popular in Britain, though sometimes there are thought-provoking perspectives contained within.

I'm not sure most people are miserable.

It really depends on how we define happiness, and how high a standard one sets. Many people are reasonably content with an average existence, we can certainly agree on that. If even an average existence is out of reach, it is increasingly difficult to justify pushing on just to please strangers.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's so true- a lot of us do worry about the impact just the physicalities of our CTB deaths will have on those immediately around us and the poor people who have to come and clear up the mess. It does seem absurd seeing as we won't be around to see it (unless you believe in an afterlife where you can still witness this world I suppose).

I do worry about my neighbours. I have a family with children living next door (some fairly young). I don't want them to be traumatized seeing a body being carted out. Still... I'm not 'caring' enough to be considering CTB-ing anywhere else. Like you mentioned- I expect when the time feels right, it is because our pain outweighs the worry of going against all social convention.

As to it being an 'antisocial act; the mark of one who is unwilling to work to contribute to society'... Damn right. It WILL be this- except I really feel like most of us DON'T work towards making a better society. We work for rich corporations which only care about making money. I'm sick of working to make rich people richer. I probably don't care if people view it as 'selfish' or 'spoilt' or 'not wishing to contribute to the greater good.' I think we're all being exploited by unfeeling corporate arseholes and I ABSOLUTELY don't want to be a part of that anymore!

 

[makethepainstop]

I really can see being worried about others opinions of me if I am dead. They were not important when I was alive, so does their opinion me suddenly become oh do important when I'm dead? It does not! People are always trying to act like and emulate everyone else in a given group. Why? DNA analysis clearly demonstrates that each person is unique....yet so many want to be seen as cool, desirable.... Then when people can't or won't follow their cultural norms, they are labeled as outcasts. Odd how humans seek approval, above all else.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It really depends on how we define happiness, and how high a standard one sets. Many people are reasonably content with an average existence, we can certainly agree on that. If even an average existence is out of reach, it is increasingly difficult to justify pushing on just to please strangers.

Well, truly being miserable and also for a sustained amount of time is definitely a high (or low) standard I think that applies only to a minority of people (which in absolute terms still amounts to a lot of people). I agree that it's a special state of affairs if a normal existence is out of reach. People complain about being a "wage slave" but they often don't realize that being able to work and having a career isn't a life available to everyone (like me). Romance and creating a family isn't something universally accessible either (and it's something I believe most people throughout history have had access to).

It's so true- a lot of us do worry about the impact just the physicalities of our CTB deaths will have on those immediately around us and the poor people who have to come and clear up the mess. It does seem absurd seeing as we won't be around to see it (unless you believe in an afterlife where you can still witness this world I suppose).

I do worry about my neighbours. I have a family with children living next door (some fairly young). I don't want them to be traumatized seeing a body being carted out. Still... I'm not 'caring' enough to be considering CTB-ing anywhere else. Like you mentioned- I expect when the time feels right, it is because our pain outweighs the worry of going against all social convention.

As to it being an 'antisocial act; the mark of one who is unwilling to work to contribute to society'... Damn right. It WILL be this- except I really feel like most of us DON'T work towards making a better society. We work for rich corporations which only care about making money. I'm sick of working to make rich people richer. I probably don't care if people view it as 'selfish' or 'spoilt' or 'not wishing to contribute to the greater good.' I think we're all being exploited by unfeeling corporate arseholes and I ABSOLUTELY don't want to be a part of that anymore!

Well, even if the aftermath won't be relevant to us I don't think it's wrong to have consideration for others. Despite the unfair stigma of selfishness I think there are still more thoughtful and less thoughtful ways of carrying the deed out (mainly assuming the presence of options, of course).