Venting Bsf said that the thing I was delaying my suicide for is stupid.

[EmbarrassedPotato]

Hello SS, I am a college student and have been thinking of ctb for a couple of years now. I attempted it once but was saved by my father. Now that I go to college away from my family in a different state, have been thinking of doing ctb once my holidays and exams are over. Since my exams are coming up my bsf told me to teach him the syllabus so I thought after doing that I will do the deed. Now recently I heard that a festival that I was really waiting for is gonna be conducted near where I live in the state where my college is. I have always wanted to attend something like that but never had a chance to. Now that it was gonna be held where I live I was pretty excited for it. I told my parents and brothers about it, they all said that I was acting like a child to be excited for something like that. Now I haven't really had anything that I was excited for in a while but since I heard about it I started feeling something after like a long time and thought of delaying ctb till it happens. Everyone else said it was stupid. So I thought of telling my bsf about it, he also is kinda suicidal and he also recently found something he was excited for. Now context: I don't really like concerts but since he was so excited for a concert of his favorite singer I was happy for him too and thought of attending it (even tho it's hella expensive and will cost me a lot since I am from a middle class background and he is from a rich family so the amount doesn't really matter to him, but I was still ready to spend that money for him and attend it for him since he doesn't really have anyone to go with him to the concert), so I thought that maybe he will be happy for me if I told him about it. So I really tried to control my excitement and told him about it, to which he replied that there's nothing to be excited about and he was past 'stupid' things like that, only 'idiotic' people attended things like that. I just went silent lmao. Then he changed the topic like it never mattered and started talking about something else.
After all this I started thinking that maybe I am the stupid one lol, because it's not possible that everyone will find something stupid and I won't, without it being actually stupid. Now that I think about it I am really idiotic to waste my time and my parents hard earned money on something like that. Now I am just thinking of completing teaching my bsf for the exam and ctb-ing after it.

 

[Whale_bones]

You shouldn't have to tone down your excitement around other people, if you've got something to look forward to, that's genuinely a great thing, especially because that's been rare for you recently.

It sounds like your bsf is bitter, it makes no sense for him to say he's "past" stupid things like that, but when he had something he was excited for you were very supportive- and even offered to go with him, just as a way of being there for him, not because the event itself meant anything to you.

If there's anything left you want to do in life, you should definitely do it. I think the people who are so judgmental about what you're allowed to be excited for are the idiotic ones, not you!

 

[EmbarrassedPotato]

T

You shouldn't have to tone down your excitement around other people, if you've got something to look forward to, that's genuinely a great thing, especially because that's been rare for you recently.

It sounds like your bsf is bitter, it makes no sense for him to say he's "past" stupid things like that, but when he had something he was excited for you were very supportive- and even offered to go with him, just as a way of being there for him, not because the event itself meant anything to you.

If there's anything left you want to do in life, you should definitely do it. I think the people who are so judgmental about what you're allowed to be excited for are the idiotic ones, not you!

Thanks, you are really sweet

 

[sanctionedusage]

i don't think anything written online could ever repair the way i felt about the hobby/event/etc if the people closest to me reacted like that. your bsf is completely emotionally retarded. if it were me, i'd probably resort to blackmail or emotional abuse, but it says something about you that you'd still plan to help your bsf with exam prep before ctb'ing.

conventional mass entertainment is stupid. people fill up stadiums to watch randoms chase a ball like a herd of primates. people spend hundreds or thousands to stand in a 3 foot proximity to a person they have a parasocial relationship with. men and women voluntarily pack themselves into dank basements with strobe lights for a shitty drink with a nice fat chance of getting roofied & sexually assaulted. anyone with an ounce of self awareness can see how dumb it is to get excited about virtually anything, but it doesn't matter. don't feel bad about wanting to attend a stupid event when literally everyone else does too.

 

[EmbarrassedPotato]

i don't think anything written online could ever repair the way i felt about the hobby/event/etc if the people closest to me reacted like that. your bsf is completely emotionally retarded. if it were me, i'd probably resort to blackmail or emotional abuse, but it says something about you that you'd still plan to help your bsf with exam prep before ctb'ing.

conventional mass entertainment is stupid. people fill up stadiums to watch randoms chase a ball like a herd of primates. people spend hundreds or thousands to stand in a 3 foot proximity to a person they have a parasocial relationship with. men and women voluntarily pack themselves into dank basements with strobe lights for a shitty drink with a nice fat chance of getting roofied & sexually assaulted. anyone with an ounce of self awareness can see how dumb it is to get excited about virtually anything, but it doesn't matter. don't feel bad about wanting to attend a stupid event when literally everyone else does too.

Maybe you are right about that, but as for my bsf I don't think I can just leave him as he is because he overthinks a lot and is suicidal himself. He was my friend when no one else was and swore to remain friends forever as long as I don't leave him. He is the first friend I had who said something like that and I am pretty sure is going to remain as long as I live.

 

[alstroemeria55]

To get shot down like that is honestly terrible and damaging, especially when it's something you're finally genuinely excited for. I've had the same kind of experience where everything I ever liked got shot down by my family and I felt like I was wrong for having these interests. Now I can't enjoy or obsess over anything because it's "cringe" or "stupid". It sucks the life out. I'm sorry they made you feel that way, and I understand your friend has the same issues and is probably bitter/jealous/doesn't want anyone else to have fun while he's suffering, he should be happy for you just like you were happy for him. That's just good friendship/support. If you think you'll really enjoy going to that festival, I think you should do it for yourself. You can always find the time to ctb.

 

[JassieDusk]

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about what you're excited for or why as long as YOU'RE excited about it.
Damn it, it could be the "stupidest" thing ever, I'm for example excited as hell for lunch because it's a food that I like. So what? You don't owe anyone an explanation. Nothing matters in life, we're all gonna die anyway one way or another, so we might as well enjoy the little things while we're here

 

[Forever Sleep]

A good friend of my Mum's gave me some lovely advice one day. I kept describing my emotions as stupid or silly. She pointed out that as long as these things were important to me- they weren't stupid or silly at all.

Some people are so outspoken on what you should like, at what age. How you should act. What you should have achieved. It's really got nothing to do with them! I imagine you're not that excited about the stuff that interests them. They ought to be glad you've found something to feel excited about again.

As for your BSF- it sounds like the familiar pain olympics we probably all fall into at times. The whole- my situation is more severe because I can't even find things to enjoy anymore. And maybe worse- you can't really be seriously suicidal if you feel like this or that.

Of course- I suspect it's crap. I doubt absolutely everyone that kills themself is suffering with anhedonia. I imagine some still experienced the good and bad in life. Just that the bad outweighed the good most likely.

Hopefully the people in your life are just clumsy or comfortable being honest with no filter, rather than callous. I think it's one of those times where you need to focus on your own lane though.

Don't be ashamed to feel wonder though. It's surely a very positive emotion. If anything- feel sorry for the people who don't experience that now. And- who really cares what you feel wonder in? So long as it isn't hurting anyone. I hope it's as good as you are imagining.