Breaking a non-suicide pact

[wiltingorchid]

Two months I ago I was in psych ward due to a ctb attempt, and there, Imade the horrible decision to make a non-suicide pact with my parents, which simply implied that before I wanna kill myself I tell them and that i then will be brought to the psych ward again. I still feel very horrible, and i pretty much don't wanna wake up most days. And I don't know what to do when the day comes when I feel so terrible that i want to ctb because I promised not to do it. I would betray my parents, and it would be even worse if I would survive the attempt in any way.
This pact is also heavily impacting my feeling in freedom. It keeps me stuck to this horrible feelings, and I feel like a bird in cage who will never have the chance to break out of it again.

 

[SexyIncél]

If the non-suicide pact makes you more suicidal, then certainly you should break it. It's moral to break a promise that increases the chance of your death/suffering

If your parents are unable to understand, well their brains are still developing and they don't know what's best for them. Like mushrooms, they like to be kept in the dark

 

[enviro400mmc]

Yeah I feel you, in a similar situation in some ways, but...

Unless you have terrible parents (which you may in which case ignore this) a non-suicide pact is something kind of just assumed in most parent-children relationships if you consider mainstream attitudes to suicide. It's up to you to decide whether you are ok with the effect your potential suicide will have on your parents but I don't really the pact matters as much as it seems.

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

I can tell you give a lot about your parents. The sad truth however is that they will never approve your decision to CTB. A lot of us on this forum deal with loneliness because of loved ones not being able to understand the amount of pain you have to suffer to consider CTB. You have to decide for yourself if you'd rather face the hurt of betraying your parents and go through the tiresome and possibly terrifying process of CTB, or find the strength to look for help, however hopeless it may seem. I wish you the best of luck either way.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like an awful situation to be trapped in and I believe that nobody should be forced to suffer in this hellish world, as humans we shouldn't be obligated to stay here all because other people decided to selfishly procreate, it should be up to the individual whether to stay or not as it's their existence. But I just hate how we exist in this anti suicide society where we cannot just pass away in peace, it's cruel how so many are against the right to die.

 

[outrider567]

A non-suicide pact doesn't mean anything, its like a New Years resolution--You decide what to do with your own life, nobody else