Heyyy, thanks so much for taking time to chat with me.
Well firstly I feel like the BPD is what makes me want to ctb more than my anxiety and dep. do you feel that way?
Also in my lifetime I have told many lies, mostly to get time off work due to my illness and then having to lie again to keep that lie up. I did read that this is a symptom of BPD. Have you had any experience with this?
And I would just like to know what other help there is for BPD, I am already on venlafaxine and propranolol and I have tried CBT through a psychologist but I didn't feel it helped me at all. I feel like it's going to be the BPD that's going to kill me Because I cannot deal with situations and emotions like a person would that didn't suffer form it.
just people's experience with BPD and people's expectations in any recovery would be great to hear.
Hey love <3
When I was diagnosed with BPD, it was the worst feeling in my life. Part of it is the insane stigmatization over the illness, because I just felt like I was a clinically-diagnosed monster. I've attempted to ctb multiple times following my diagnosis; 7 out of 10 people with BPD attempt, 1 out of 10 succeed -- it's insanely high, and so it's absolutely, and unfortunately, very common for those with borderline to attempt to ctb, or have strong ideation.
I wouldn't consider myself a pathological liar, but I would do things to manipulate a situation to have it be in my control, and I would do the exact same thing of taking time off work and crafting elaborate backstories to achieve what I needed. I'm not sure the extent to which this is necessarily a symptom, but it may be correlated with the disorder itself. This is probably why we're stigmatized as manipulative and just horrible people (which is absolutely not true!!!). If anyone else has some insight into this maybe they could add.
I know what it feels like to have this kind of crippling, almost unmanageable behemoth of a disorder weighing on your mind all the time. it's so loud, it's so invasive and it feels like ctb'ing quite frankly is the only option. Unstable relationships, uncontrollable emotions, impulsive and risky behaviour -- it's almost way too chaotic. And, most people with BPD have other diagnoses -- PTSD, depression, eating disorders, etc. So it all just adds to an awful, awful mixture.
That being said, BPD isn't a death sentence. The most effective treatment is Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), it's supposedly the BPD "gold standard". It may not necessarily completely erase the disorder, it's always with you, but it can significantly reduce your symptoms (I read somewhere that after a certain period of DBT many people no longer met the DSM criterion!). I was prescribed quetiapine (antipsychotic to reduce mood swings), because they insisted antidepressants wouldn't help, since there's no BPD miracle pill unfortunately.
Please talk to your mental healthcare providers and probe them into investigating it more; it's a really hard thing to diagnose, but it's required in order for appropriate treatment. I was only diagnosed following them seeing fresh SH wounds and me telling them I had a plan to ctb, this stuff requires insane honesty too. Please look after yourself love <3 The BPD community is full of people who suffer so much, but there are so many stories of success -- also, those with borderline are the most empathetic, beautiful people I've ever met.
Don't lose hope love, and if you'd love to chat more I'm here <3
