Venting BPD strikes again and I'm done with this shit

[HowSoonIsNow]

I came for this family lunch and I had a huge mood swing, I started to fight with my mom and she lowkey blamed me for being in this mood.
Now I'm pissed off and I don't care if she sees my corpse, I want to catch my bus today since I'm alone..

 

[Niirvana]

I understand you, when I fight with my sister I don't care if she sees my corpse, then I think about it again and that's how I am, in a cycle, but I know that ctb, I don't know when yet

 

[deleted]

Honestly, I want my parents to see my corpse, feel everything I felt for years silent !!

 

[HowSoonIsNow]

I'm on my way home, I have all the ingredients for SN ctb and I didn't ate anything at all today, just tiny piece of meat and chicken

 

[Stick]

Good luck, I hope everything goes as plan. The only thing I'm worried about is that this might be impulsive. You posted in a similar thread yesterday about dying today, but you were talked out of it by members here now I'm worried your change of heart might be more emotional than rational.

 

[HowSoonIsNow]

Good luck, I hope everything goes as plan. The only thing I'm worried about is that this might be impulsive. You posted in a similar thread yesterday about dying today, but you were talked out of it by members here now I'm worried your change of heart might be more emotional than rational.

I understand exactly what you're talking about, if I need to wait until the dawn to have an empty stomach it's okay. I'll start the regiment as soon as I get home

 

[whywere]

HI! I dislike, in a way to say this just becasue I do not like to get a load of negativity from people here, like to try to see the best in people, now with that said, I would take a step back and think before reacting. Reacting in this way has NO 2nd chances. I 100% know where you are coming from, have been there myself, along time ago but still there, and I would try and figure out what was my "hot key" that set not only me but the whole situation off to begin with. Now, in my case, it was my family in general and they took care of that by kicking me out and never speaking to me again. Now in you case, there in again, I would take a step back, reorganize my thoughts and think. Was it my family, me and situation at the gathering that got the thoughts there in the 1st place??? Go from there. Just, in my sense, punishing ones self before you knew everything might not be a good move. You have been VERY NICE to me in the past on replies and you made me feel good. I for one, do NOT want you to do something rash. I really care for you and just want you to make a sound decision is all. Whatever journey one chooses my wish is for a happy outcome. Love and peace to you my global family member.

 

[Stick]

HI! I dislike, in a way to say this just becasue I do not like to get a load of negativity from people here, like to try to see the best in people, now with that said, I would take a step back and think before reacting. Reacting in this way has NO 2nd chances. I 100% know where you are coming from, have been there myself, along time ago but still there, and I would try and figure out what was my "hot key" that set not only me but the whole situation off to begin with. Now, in my case, it was my family in general and they took care of that by kicking me out and never speaking to me again. Now in you case, there in again, I would take a step back, reorganize my thoughts and think. Was it my family, me and situation at the gathering that got the thoughts there in the 1st place??? Go from there. Just, in my sense, punishing ones self before you knew everything might not be a good move. You have been VERY NICE to me in the past on replies and you made me feel good. I for one, do NOT want you to do something rash. I really care for you and just want you to make a sound decision is all. Whatever journey one chooses my wish is for a happy outcome. Love and peace to you my global family member.

My thoughts exactly.
HowSooIsNow, I think you may need to step back a moment and meditate for a few minutes and think about what is going to happen after you ctb. You are on this forum, so obviously you have thought about this before, and if afterwards you decide to keep going then I'm not going to even try and stop you. I'm not trying to scare you or anything. It can definitely be easier to go through wit hit when you utilize an impulse, but I want you to be sure that the impulse isn't utilizing you instead.
If you still want to go through with it after a bit, then, I wish you the best. It sounds like you are waiting a few hours before you ctb so I'm sure that's enough time to be rational about it. Good luck

 

[HowSoonIsNow]

HI! I dislike, in a way to say this just becasue I do not like to get a load of negativity from people here, like to try to see the best in people, now with that said, I would take a step back and think before reacting. Reacting in this way has NO 2nd chances. I 100% know where you are coming from, have been there myself, along time ago but still there, and I would try and figure out what was my "hot key" that set not only me but the whole situation off to begin with. Now, in my case, it was my family in general and they took care of that by kicking me out and never speaking to me again. Now in you case, there in again, I would take a step back, reorganize my thoughts and think. Was it my family, me and situation at the gathering that got the thoughts there in the 1st place??? Go from there. Just, in my sense, punishing ones self before you knew everything might not be a good move. You have been VERY NICE to me in the past on replies and you made me feel good. I for one, do NOT want you to do something rash. I really care for you and just want you to make a sound decision is all. Whatever journey one chooses my wish is for a happy outcome. Love and peace to you my global family member.

Thank you Whywhere, you've been such a great friend to me and I totally understand what you're talking about, I definitely don't want to do it as punishment, I want to be free of my own brain, at least for once..
I'm calmer now, I'll start my regiment and I'll probably be alone at home tomorrow. Thank you so much, you make me feel loved

My thoughts exactly.
HowSooIsNow, I think you may need to step back a moment and meditate for a few minutes and think about what is going to happen after you ctb. You are on this forum, so obviously you have thought about this before, and if afterwards you decide to keep going then I'm not going to even try and stop you. I'm not trying to scare you or anything. It can definitely be easier to go through wit hit when you utilize an impulse, but I want you to be sure that the impulse isn't utilizing you instead.
If you still want to go through with it after a bit, then, I wish you the best. It sounds like you are waiting a few hours before you ctb so I'm sure that's enough time to be rational about it. Good luck

Empty stomach always makes me feel more rational, I don't see any way of improvement in my life. Tomorrow I'll be alone, I'll start my regiment + fasting. Thank you for being so nice to me, everyone see me as a freak.