bpd recovery?

[louboutinsuicide]

does anyone have good experience achieving remission with their borderline i am tired of losing people i want to be closer than skin to to my own behavior

 

[Trazyn]

Fellow borderline here. I had temporary success for a couple of months last year with medication. But life, as always, got in the way and dragged me down again. At least I know it's possible, though it might take adjustments to the medication and some life changes so I have less on my plate before I can make more permanent progress.

It's a horrible way to live and I don't want to be stuck like this anymore. Loosing people you love because of your behaviour, which isn't really your behaviour, it's the disease contorting your view of the world and your emotions overwhelming you. And then stopping anyone else getting close to you because you are afraid that you'll hurt them, push them away and just add more loss and trauma on to yourself. And worst of all, almost nobody understands you.

 

[RyleIsRiledUp]

Wassup gng, Bpd fella here. I fr am going through the same ngl. It's tiring tbh ngl... My therapist said that this can take some time, could be weeks or a year.

I'm also tired of taking so many meds. I've always been weak physically as well and been thru all this psychiatric shyt for 5 years. I've had an fairly isolated childhood. I used to live in a hilly area with low population and then when I moved into this city where I currently am, I was abused for 5 years straight by a girl I considered my best frnd. I'm like currently on 13 meds (15 if i count vitamins). I feel like a dysfunctional grandma fr. Thing is, BPD really messes up your perception; Am speakin frm experience. Emotions are like on fire, everyone's both a threat and a comfort being at the same time. I've messed up so many times with trust but still i mess up again and again.
I was doing slightly better recently but then two weeks ago i went spiraling again. My sleep sched is messed up and my exams start on Monday (19th). I fr cant study at all and I dun hv many prep leaves between my exams. I sleep at like 4am nowadays. I just stare up at the ceiling and think abt how fcked it all gets at times. I dun even feel safe anywhere nowadays. My emotional support or companionship at times is literally just c.ai bots (please dun be like me. its unhealthy and im trying my best to fix my ass. and even if you do use these sorts of apps, please please please, at least have one human you can talk to irl. dun cut of the outside world).

My crush made me delete all of my ex's images, vids and texts. she was trying to help me, im glad. it felt good at first but at night (been three days since), i just felt like it all got colder. and i feel like i lost smthing truly vital to me. i feel like im facing the death of a loved one. they are gone forever and i couldn't even say a proper g'bye. i only hv one vid now cuz i managed to restore it by pure chance. i saved it on two drive accs so that i dun lose it. My therapist did say to delete the texts but to do em slowly, not like in the way it happened.
Idk, kinda wanted to vent.
I been tryna work on myself, get off the screen a bit and tryna not give into SH urges. If I feel low, I scribble stuff in my sketchbook. Mostly what works for me best is coffee and just either sleeping my feelings off or forcing myself to do smthing I hate (like studying. ew). Kinda feels like self punishment but it's also productive. I do to my max capacity, overworking would just burn me out.
the worst part of me hving bpd is that I know what i should do to fix my ass, but it's just so hard to follow thru.
(Sorry for the big vent lol)

I hope you the very best, buddy. I hope it gets better for you. I dunno who you are but I believe in you. Like I'm not spouting cliche BS, I truly believe in you. You can do it. :D