I developed BPD in my mid-late teen years and its ruined every aspect of my life, no one ever wants to be my friend or be romantically involved with me because of how clingy/needy I am and im constantly trying to fill an everlasting void of emptiness inside me, I cant feel anything unless im hanging out with my ex, who broke up with me. I cant wait to ctb. I'm so sick of trying to fill my emptiness with anything I can. Alcohol, people, relationships, food, drugs, anything, nothing ever worked. I'm so sick of being numb and hopeless and forever in love with someone who could never want me back. I'm sick of sleeping with people I just met to feel loved for once in my life. BPD ruined my life, I just wish I was normal. I don't know how to cope anymore and the only solution I can ever see working is to CTB, BPD is so demonized and villified that I've had men who were interested in me suddenly turn me down when they found out I had BPD. What did I do to deserve being born like this? Why can't people realize I'm not an evil violent person because of BPD? I'm unlovable in every way possible.
I'm sorry about your going through. I have BPD too I don't know since when I had it but it was my exe of three years at the time while I was in college who first told me that he suspects that I have it. Many years later I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist after multitudes of tests. I never had any stable romantic relationship after him.
Because I never knew I had it until relatively recently I never felt that I was stigmatized because of it although I might have had at least some tendencies for many years. Because I didn't know that, I never blamed my BPD for my failure in relationships.
So I feel sorry for you that you sound like you knew it from pretty early on and how you must have been blaming your innate inability to form stable relationships.
But when it comes to relationships, I just want to tell you that it is not 100% impossible for someone with BPD to find a relationship.
It's just extremely difficult to find one who would want to be around even after knowing your true personality.
And please don't tell them at first that you have BPD. It would scare anyone away really. Honestly even I who has BPD would avoid someone who told me they had BPD although I would be curious. Cause I would immediately worry that, then are you gonna rage at smallest things and yell at me threaten me that they will killthemselves if I don't comply to their demand, etc.? Will they physically attack me? Will they get so hostile and aggressive and try to bring me down even for smallest things? This is what I would personally worry as someone with BPD when I think of being with another person with BPD.
BPD is a personality. Just show it slowly but carefully to see if the other person can deal with that.
You can't force another person to be with you if they can't stand your BPD.
Living with BPD is difficult but beig with another person with BPD can be extremely tiring and stressful as well.
So I think as a person with BPD you should be understanding of the difficulties that another person would experience while being with you. And you also need be lucky enough to find a person who is willing to go through that. And if you ever find a person like that, please be respectful to them.