BPD and attempting on a whim

[littlemisssunshine]

Does anyone else have BPD and has attempted on a whim? Or imagines this is how they will go? No real plan.

I imagine when I go it will be in a moment of panic during a low where I can't see a way out. I'm not someone that can build up the courage. I emotionally have to be in the zone and the window of opportunity is small x

 

[noko]

I tried twice while I was calm, the first failed for practical reasons, the second I just couldn't stand the awful terrifying feeling of the noose killing me.

 

[littlemisssunshine]

I just feel so ready to go now. I just need an episode and to be alone and I'll be done x

 

[noko]

I'm waiting to be alone too.

 

[littlemisssunshine]

I'm waiting to be alone too.

Where are you? I'm Uk

 

[noko]

Spain

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Where are you? I'm Uk

I'm Uk, what's your date?

 

[Final Escape]

Yes and I never could follow through. I realized I'm not prepared to do it right. Only quick methods are likely to work for me like a gun, jumping, hanging, and like getting hit by a train lol! I have to do a method where I can't back out.

 

[littlemisssunshine]

I'm Uk, what's your date?

Whenever the world fucks me over next and I have a full on cray cray episode

Yes and I never could follow through. I realized I'm not prepared to do it right. Only quick methods are likely to work for me like a gun, jumping, hanging, and like getting hit by a train lol! I have to do a method where I can't back out.

Yeah I feel like this. As soon as the quick emotional wave is over the moment is missed and then I'm back to just normal depression lol

 

[autumnal]

Does anyone else have BPD and has attempted on a whim? Or imagines this is how they will go? No real plan.

I imagine when I go it will be in a moment of panic during a low where I can't see a way out. I'm not someone that can build up the courage. I emotionally have to be in the zone and the window of opportunity is small x

Impulsivity of suicide attempts is a key part of BPD.

 

[The Warm Industry]

Yeah, I tried twice now in a whim.

The worst part is that I'm still alive and nowadays I feel that I must tell here on the forum before my ctb. You are great people, you should know when I'm ready to go.

 

[FreeBIRD]

It's better to plan ctb. That way you will less likely fail your ctb

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I read the title of this post &I laughed aloud &said, "ouff."


Nearly killed my self on a whim 3 weeks ago.

I've wanted to die ever since my last attempts in 2015, but after being on close watch, it was never right; well that &I was hoping if I dive in head first into recovery that I could do it this time- for me.

5 years later, no. I don't want to do it anymore, but I'm learning from my previous 5+ fail attempts (don't have an exact number, I tried a FEW times over the course of 3 months), that I needed to do more research on how to get it right &overcome my SI.

EDIT:
Dx: BPD, Depression, Anxiety
Unofficially: cPTSD (A trauma specialist agrees, but no Dx )

 

[Deleted member 14177]

This is me to a T

 

[ladolcemorte]

Reminds me of a Susana Kaseyn quote. (Author of "Girl Interrupted". Also diagnosed with BPD) :

"A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind".

 

[Viola]

Does anyone else have BPD and has attempted on a whim? Or imagines this is how they will go? No real plan.

I imagine when I go it will be in a moment of panic during a low where I can't see a way out. I'm not someone that can build up the courage. I emotionally have to be in the zone and the window of opportunity is small x

What you have just said is EXACTLY the same as me. I have bpd too and I know I'll ctb some day it could be next week it could be in 10 years. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in here as others are planning a certain date and regime and it seems like they can be level headed and organised in their planning, I admire that but I'll be the opposite. It will be at a moment of complete crisis and I know that will happen as all I seem to get in life is massive highs then horrific lows, but the lows are getting me further down each time.
I could literally have written what you wrote about it, this is why I can't do a chemical death I know as you say 'the window of opportunity is small' and I know I'd take whatever poison it was, then change my mind or panic so I can't do it like that. Also I need a death with drama that's active like jumping or crashing. ODing feels sort of passive to me.

 

[littlemisssunshine]

Reminds me of a Susana Kaseyn quote. (Author of "Girl Interrupted". Also diagnosed with BPD) :

"A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind".

I absolutely love this.

 

[BPDbitch]

Yes! I have made several impulsive attempts which were inevitably unsuccessful.

 

[foreverbroken28]

Does anyone else have BPD and has attempted on a whim? Or imagines this is how they will go? No real plan.

I imagine when I go it will be in a moment of panic during a low where I can't see a way out. I'm not someone that can build up the courage. I emotionally have to be in the zone and the window of opportunity is small x

I was diagnosed as BPD at age 26 but I attempted suicide on a whim when I was 13 and a few times after that. (I was ignorant and went with different kinds of pills.)

I had a feeling like you're describing tonight and I'll say -- BPD is a tricky little thing because sometimes, after your emotional breakdown you suddenly feel better.

Do you ever go from wanting to die so bad, crying in a fetal position but within 2-4 hours, you're fine again? That's the danger of BPD Depression...it seems fleeting.

Imagine impulsively CTB & during the effects of it, you suddenly realize you don't wanna die and you feel better?

It happened to me. I was planning to kill myself in 2014 and made a dumb mistake texting my friend goodbye. Then I started feeling better and while I was on the computer, I heard loud banging on my door. It was 3AM & I looked atrocious. The cops darn near forced me out of my place.

So yeah..BPD makes CTB tricky.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I'm waiting for a diagnosis hopefully bpd, cause once it's diagnosed I might get more support than living with it undiagnosed.
I've tried it on a whim a couple of times in the past.
I've tried and done loads of risky things though think that's part and parcel of the deal with bpd (or bipolar) let's wait and see what shrink says at end of the month.