Born to Die

[Elegy]

I think I died at age 9. The day my father choked me out. At the foot of the stairs. He strangled me til I blacked out and last thing I remember is my mother shouting "Stop it! You're killing the boy!!" And I think, every day after that, was surreal, in my mind. And I have lived my life accordingly. As if there was no future. Only the present and past. I never really planned for a future, because for me, every day after that was.... borrowed time.

I'm trying to say... I have Never seen a Future for me, and I have acted accordingly. But 50 fuckin years later....
Here I still be.

 

[meetapple]

Why would your own father do that? I would have difficulty trying to plan for a future if I wasn't sure tomorrow would be here.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I've thought that before too. That life is really just borrowed time and the "best" of us just happen to be "The Ultimate Procrastinators." Or delusional. But happy and delusional I miss when I could be like that... living life and breathing air as if I were invincible. There was a time where I felt immortal, like God's one true gift on Earth. Like everything was always meant to turn out in a happy ending. Like I mattered to the Universe.

 

[motel rooms]

I've thought that before too. That life is really just borrowed time and the "best" of us just happen to be "The Ultimate Procrastinators." Or delusional. But happy and delusional I miss when I could be like that... living life and breathing air as if I were invincible. There was a time where I felt immortal, like God's one true gift on Earth. Like everything was always meant to turn out in a happy ending. Like I mattered to the Universe.

I don't think OP has ever felt invincible...

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I don't think OP has ever felt invincible...

Nope. Who knows. That's just me who felt that way. I was just commenting on my personal thoughts on a single line in OP's post because it was meaningful personally to me.

 

[motel rooms]

That's just me who felt that way. I was just commenting on my personal thoughts on a single line in OP's post because it was meaningful personally to me.

I know. OP's youth was probably quite different than yours. Little boys who get choked out by their fathers don't get to feel invincible, immortal & like a happy ending is in store for them...

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people are just so cruel and awful. No one should be treat like that by someone else. It is a very horrible world. However we are all born to die. All we are doing is just waiting around for death. Life is just a distraction.