Freaknik
Member
- Nov 12, 2023
- 14
I've recently reached one of the darkest points in my life due to a major relapse into my depressive and suicidal thoughts. For the past few months, I've honestly been at a crossroads in my life; I don't know where to go, and don't even believe that I have enough strength to continue in the long run. As of now though, I am holding out a small sliver of hope that things might possibly change for the better. In the short term, I am trying to better myself and at least enjoy my fleeting time here while I can. The only major hurdle I face is my extreme lack of motivation to continue pursuing what I love and finding ways to cope with this world. I've posted about my body dysmorphia on her before, as it is something that has completely changed my life, but I want to detail that my self-doubt stems from the internal struggles I've had with this disorder.
I recently talked with one of my closest friends about my insecurities, and they remained adamant that they didn't see the "flaws" in my face. They eventually asked me how I feel concerning relationships, and that is where I finally came to terms with the root of the problem. I began to explain how I feel unworthy for a partner, and have always had a hard time attracting those I am interested in. I don't connect with most very easily, so when I do meet someone that I click with extremely well, it makes a lasting impact on me. I'm also very different from most in who I'm attracted to; I tend to gravitate towards women who, while nowhere near ugly, are not considered by many to be conventionally attractive. Though, I often find myself loving their personalities and admiring the way in which they're different than most people. After explaining this to my friend, he stated that I needed to change my mindset and find a way to be confident in myself. The problem is — I have no motivation to better myself and my appearance. It also doesn't help that most women I've asked out before have severely rejected me — something I'm not mad about, but after so many times, it has bruised my ego and stunted my confidence.
Though, I want to at least try and add some meaning to my life and give myself a reason to continue on my journey. I wanted to ask others who are trying to maintain their grip on the world how they have done it for so long / what keeps you going. Those of you who can relate, in what ways have you tried to add motivation back into your life? How have you gotten over relationship troubles, and how have they effected you? And those with body dysmorphia, how have you tried to improve your appearance to gain a slice of confidence in yourself? Any other advice towards my situation is helpful, and I thank all of you who made it this far in reading my semi-cohesive rant!
I recently talked with one of my closest friends about my insecurities, and they remained adamant that they didn't see the "flaws" in my face. They eventually asked me how I feel concerning relationships, and that is where I finally came to terms with the root of the problem. I began to explain how I feel unworthy for a partner, and have always had a hard time attracting those I am interested in. I don't connect with most very easily, so when I do meet someone that I click with extremely well, it makes a lasting impact on me. I'm also very different from most in who I'm attracted to; I tend to gravitate towards women who, while nowhere near ugly, are not considered by many to be conventionally attractive. Though, I often find myself loving their personalities and admiring the way in which they're different than most people. After explaining this to my friend, he stated that I needed to change my mindset and find a way to be confident in myself. The problem is — I have no motivation to better myself and my appearance. It also doesn't help that most women I've asked out before have severely rejected me — something I'm not mad about, but after so many times, it has bruised my ego and stunted my confidence.
Though, I want to at least try and add some meaning to my life and give myself a reason to continue on my journey. I wanted to ask others who are trying to maintain their grip on the world how they have done it for so long / what keeps you going. Those of you who can relate, in what ways have you tried to add motivation back into your life? How have you gotten over relationship troubles, and how have they effected you? And those with body dysmorphia, how have you tried to improve your appearance to gain a slice of confidence in yourself? Any other advice towards my situation is helpful, and I thank all of you who made it this far in reading my semi-cohesive rant!
