Hi all my first post, I suffered depression since childhood, I'm now 58 and it's really bad I'm in a dark place, don't want to live like this but don't really want to die , confused, I'm sure some of you will feel the same
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,923
Living is very painful. It is a hopeless feeling when things just get worse. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.
Darkover
Archangel
- Jul 29, 2021
- 5,653
i didn't get depressed into i was 18 after a relationship breakdown then i realised we are just nothing forever, i can't even have sex with anyone because it just feels wrong i mean i wouldn't inflict life on my worst enemy, 17 years celebrate.
Thank you, I keep going to work but it's a pointless job for truly awful people, I just feel numb and crazy as it sounds long for a fatal illness or accident I just want peace
cambrai33
Traveller
- Nov 3, 2021
- 386
I recognise this and the post further down
Despite what you might think right now ctb isn't the only answer….
Can I ask if you have reached out for help, maybe a GP or a charity that helps when the mind is in this place? Look ctb is a choice but for me it should be the last choice when all else is exhausted. The fact you don't want to die makes a lot of sense but reach out and tell someone how you feel, you have nothing to lose and perhaps lots to gain.
Sound advice, I've tried talking with my partner but she's wrapped up in her own problems, docs don't want to know and I have tried but who wants to listen to a depressed middle aged guy with few friends a crap job and no prospects but the same day over and over.
cambrai33
Traveller
- Nov 3, 2021
- 386
You would be surprised, there are far more out there willing to listen than people like us who don't see any light at all. If you were UK I could point you in places I know of but I don't know anywhere else
Me personally I'm getting help, I don't know if it will work but I at least tried but finding it can be hard
keep writing and posting here, loads feel just like you and want to help
cambrai33
Traveller
- Nov 3, 2021
- 386
Good, make a few posts and I can pm you with some ideas if you like, I think it's about 8 posts but don't quote me on that
cambrai33
Traveller
- Nov 3, 2021
- 386
No problem mate, normally of course I would talk to middle aged guys with crap jobs but it's near Xmas and all lol
Seriously though stick in there, there are lots of options even i dream of a tyre blow out on the number 13 bus and it running over me (yeah I like The Smiths)but it's normal to feel like this and not want to ctb
obliviousatbest
atrophy
- Nov 10, 2021
- 67
I'm sure this place can give you the listening ear you need when the people around you cant be/aren't there for you. It's so draining to be trapped between life and death while wanting for neither. I hope the days are kinder to you, wishing you peace.
