
NormallyNeurotic
“Everything is going to be okay.” ⋅ he/him
- Nov 21, 2024
- 113
I had talked to someone I really really really care about on Discord how I'm struggling with my birthday coming up and we had a great conversation. It had helped so much, and I had told him I'd message him when his bday comes up first thing in the morning. He said he'd do it too.
I was looking forward to it and held onto ut during moments I felt like I was falling apart. Recovering from horrible arguments with my mom, crying from flashbacks, suicidal from the realization that I'm turning 21 and I have no education while everyone else (including him) are in fucking college. I told myself at least I'd see that message so the birthday wouldn't suck that bad.
Well, he didn't send it. He didn't respond to any messages that day actually. We're both forgetful people, and he's been dealing with a lot lately so I assume he had important things on his mind. If not DMing me is what kept him sane that day, I'm fine with that. I just wish I knew if that was why or not. Frankly it really hurt. Genuinely felt fucking devastating. And I'm aware that's just because I'm unstable, but still. It did.
I just wish he hadn't told me he'd message me on that day. I got my hopes up. I leaned on the wrong thing. I would have rather him have just said "thank you" to me saying I'll do that for him on his birthday than him say "I'll do the same" if he wasn't 100% sure it would come to fruition.
I'm not sure when or if I'll ask him why. He hasn't DMed me since that day, but he has been online. I don't have the heart to message right now. I still plan to do what I promised on his birthday. He deserves a good message like that, and I love him... so revenge isn't the answer here. I'm just. Tired. I feel like I'm overreacting. I thought he understood how much it meant to me
I was looking forward to it and held onto ut during moments I felt like I was falling apart. Recovering from horrible arguments with my mom, crying from flashbacks, suicidal from the realization that I'm turning 21 and I have no education while everyone else (including him) are in fucking college. I told myself at least I'd see that message so the birthday wouldn't suck that bad.
Well, he didn't send it. He didn't respond to any messages that day actually. We're both forgetful people, and he's been dealing with a lot lately so I assume he had important things on his mind. If not DMing me is what kept him sane that day, I'm fine with that. I just wish I knew if that was why or not. Frankly it really hurt. Genuinely felt fucking devastating. And I'm aware that's just because I'm unstable, but still. It did.
I just wish he hadn't told me he'd message me on that day. I got my hopes up. I leaned on the wrong thing. I would have rather him have just said "thank you" to me saying I'll do that for him on his birthday than him say "I'll do the same" if he wasn't 100% sure it would come to fruition.
I'm not sure when or if I'll ask him why. He hasn't DMed me since that day, but he has been online. I don't have the heart to message right now. I still plan to do what I promised on his birthday. He deserves a good message like that, and I love him... so revenge isn't the answer here. I'm just. Tired. I feel like I'm overreacting. I thought he understood how much it meant to me