Venting Birthday and such

[SpencerSees]

As the title says I had my birthday a few days ago. It wasn't anything special. I was and still am really sick, so I couldn't even enjoy a cake or something. I probably wouldn't have anyways, as I have no appetite this month. My father got me flowers, in colors I don't even like. I appreciate the thought, even if it didn't go past tradition.
My best friend/boyfriend forgot about it. Remembered at 6pm when we were arguing, announced happy birthday then continued with his argument. I also don't blamd him,as I was the one who started the disagreement.
These people don't know me. I know what he studies, what he likes, what he cares about, yet he couldn't even name a thing I enjoy in detail. Also fair, I don't enjoy anything at all, to be honest.
He doesn't want me to sell myself, doesn't want me to sleep with other men. But I can't keep living in this act of being normal. I'm not normal.

Spoiler

I was fucked as a kid

and I don't know anything else solid in the world. I miss my uncle a lot. I want to talk to him again because he understood. He didn't care about me cutting myself. I know it sounds terrible since he's a pedophile but I literally can't stand this any longer.
If I could just pass on, it would be over already but I'm way too scared of messing it up. I don't even care about being a vegetable, I just don't want to be yelled at by my family in the hospital again.