Venting Betrayal? Friends you love hurting you ruthlessly with no remourse?

[itsmeagain]

I was doing a little better today. I was talking to the right people, doing the right things, and things came falling down on me. Some friends wanted to speak with me again after they did some horrible things they said, and when I joined the chat and asked for an apology...

I could hear two of them in the chat cackling down the hall from where I'm dormed.


The other ones said horrible things that are imprinting on my mind.

I was just starting to get over the nightmares. It's just unbareable.

I know with who they are, they wouldn't care if I CTB, because in their eyes, I'm wrong. And whoever is wrong, is deserving of merciless pain if they don't agree.

I always try to see the best in everyone, but these people aren't giving me any reason. I'm not going to try to reason but....

Now, I feel like if carry through with CTB, I feel like they win.

I feel like...

I'm the dumbass loser who killed himself because "He was wrong".

Instead of someone who had too much going on before this

 

[faust]

There is no point in apologizing to people who do not value your apologies.
Whatever you do, this is your choice.
You know, if you CTB, that won't be because "you are wrong"
The last thing you have to care about is their opinion if you do this.
If you feel that there is no more way to improve relationships, it is time to look for new people.
Friends are coming and going away anyway.
And for now I am sending you a big hug

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Are they the reason you want to ctb?

 

[itsmeagain]

Are they the reason you want to ctb?

No... they aren't. They aren't the reason at all. When I think about them, I feel sad. I don't feel suicidal. When I think about the nightmares, and the fact that people you've known for years and years can one day laugh... LAUGH at your suffering....

Is absolutely unthinkable.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

I resonate with this a lot. I think people are just gonna be like "Well yeah he was fucked up what did anyone expect". But I also want to fight against that, to prove them wrong but I just can't, I've no energy.
Anyway whatever you choose to do will likely effect you the most, so think about you. Also these friends (pardon my french) sound like absolute dicks. But you seem very empathetic, it might not be a good match. I'd say find new friends but I get how draining that is too...
Hmm :/

 

[itsmeagain]

I resonate with this a lot. I think people are just gonna be like "Well yeah he was fucked up what did anyone expect". But I also want to fight against that, to prove them wrong but I just can't, I've no energy.
Anyway whatever you choose to do will likely effect you the most, so think about you. Also these friends (pardon my french) sound like absolute dicks. But you seem very empathetic, it might not be a good match. I'd say find new friends but I get how draining that is too...
Hmm :/

It's a lot like that. It's so much like me just wanting to believe that people are better than that. That people are so much MORE than the things they say or their point of views. But when people are just cruel...

Ilike to think that im very empathetic, that I'm trying my best to push through this sort of thing. Finding new friends is such a challenge.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

No... they aren't. They aren't the reason at all. When I think about them, I feel sad. I don't feel suicidal. When I think about the nightmares, and the fact that people you've known for years and years can one day laugh... LAUGH at your suffering....

Is absolutely unthinkable.

Yeah that's awful. Sorry you're going through this.

 

[itsmeagain]

Yeah that's awful. Sorry you're going through this.

Thank you for responding... people here taking time out of their lives, out of their thoughts whether they're better or worse to put something here means so much. Thank you.

 

[Ham Commander]

One of my best friends for the longest time that was right there by my side with me helping me through some of the worst shit in my life like after my house got broken into, a couple weeks after it happened I found some of my shit that was stolen for sale on a facebook online garage group thing by someone that turned out to be his cousins husbands son.

He talked me into not calling the cops when it happened and pretty much not doing anything at all about it and that's why, literally robbed me and then helped me look for my stuff while pretending to be my friend

 

[itsmeagain]

One of my best friends for the longest time that was right there by my side with me helping me through some of the worst shit in my life like after my house got broken into, a couple weeks after it happened I found some of my shit that was stolen for sale on a facebook online garage group thing by someone that turned out to be his cousins husbands son.

He talked me into not calling the cops when it happened and pretty much not doing anything at all about it and that's why, literally robbed me and then helped me look for my stuff while pretending to be my friend

People.... are so deceptive. It's so scary. It's probably the two-faced people in this world that make me shake to my core so much of the time.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

People.... are so deceptive. It's so scary. It's probably the two-faced people in this world that make me shake to my core so much of the time.

I can't stand it. I used to smoke weed with an old friend , then found out he was literally stealing half my shit and I was already giving it to him no charge! I'd loan him money and helped him move. It was such a mindfuck, but that's why he's an 'old' friend now.

 

[teddybear1403]

I have 'friends' like this, they offer me counseling when I'm down in private messages, but then you see them plotting on harassing me on my CuriousCat (platform where you can anonimously ask someone questions) it hurts especially because they're harassing me on something that happened that they don't even have context on

 

[Ham Commander]

People.... are so deceptive. It's so scary. It's probably the two-faced people in this world that make me shake to my core so much of the time.

Get this, our third mutual "friend" at the time talked me into taking the rest of my valuable stuff I had hidden away to keep at her house for awhile because it wasnt "safe" at my house for the time being so I loaded it up and took it over because I'm a total idiot. I was never allowed in that house again. Maybe I deserved it for being so stupid but man what a double whammy that was

 

[itsmeagain]

I can't stand it. I used to smoke weed with an old friend , then found out he was literally stealing half my shit and I was already giving it to him no charge! I'd loan him money and helped him move. It was such a mindfuck, but that's why he's an 'old' friend now.

People who steal stuff are just fucked. Maybe there's merrit in hoping that they just needed the stuff more than they wanted to hurt you, but I'm not vouching for them. that's really, really horrilbe.

I have 'friends' like this, they offer me counseling when I'm down in private messages, but then you see them plotting on harassing me on my CuriousCat (platform where you can anonimously ask someone questions) it hurts especially because they're harassing me on something that happened that they don't even have context on

Welcome to SS sweetheart. I hope the people aren't harassing you here?! I'm so sorry they got a hold of your account... do you need to talk about it?

Get this, our third mutual "friend" at the time talked me into taking the rest of my valuable stuff I had hidden away to keep at her house for awhile because it wasnt "safe" at my house for the time being so I loaded it up and took it over because I'm a total idiot. I was never allowed in that house again. Maybe I deserved it for being so stupid but man what a double whammy that was

It's not like that sweetheart. We didn't have the sight we had back then, we just... didn't. I could say the same thing, I could call myself a moron for not realizing it, that all the signs were there and they just... never... clicked. But that was who we were, that is the pain that we faced then and we were blind to. It's so hard to notice people's true intentions. A lot of the time it's not up to the judgement of the victim, but the deceptiveness of the offender. A lot of the time, we just want to trust, we just want to vent, we just want to finally be able to put all of those sorts of trust into someone, and when it breaks, it makes us feel shame, embarassment, a lot of things.

I don't think you're stupid. Everybody has played that role at one point or another.

 

[Pryras]

Some people don't work on empathy and no amount of wrong doing will make them remorseful.

Get this, i nearly CTB after someone I cared for left me for someone else and couldn't give less than a damn for my feelings. I asked to see him for an hr after having my stomach pumped from an overdose to "vent" and he said the best he could do was give me 5 minutes of his time. Just Wow. If I had died he definitely wouldn't have cared.

It's sucks big time and I totally empathize with you on this, I have dealt with a lot of pain previously but the pain of someone not caring who you cared for at one point is heartbreaking.

I'm sorry and hope you find yourself surrounded by better friends

 

[itsmeagain]

Some people don't work on empathy and no amount of wrong doing will make them remorseful.

Get this, i nearly CTB after someone I cared for left me for someone else and couldn't give less than a damn for my feelings. I asked to see him for an hr after having my stomach pumped from an overdose to "vent" and he said the best he could do was give me 5 minutes of his time. Just Wow. If I had died he definitely wouldn't have cared.

It's sucks big time and I totally empathize with you on this, I have dealt with a lot of pain previously but the pain of someone not caring who you cared for at one point is heartbreaking.

I'm sorry and hope you find yourself surrounded by better friends

It's really crazy how so many people are just cold down to their core. Empathy is so huge on this site, and I think that's part of why I feel a sense of home here.

 

[teddybear1403]

People who steal stuff are just fucked. Maybe there's merrit in hoping that they just needed the stuff more than they wanted to hurt you, but I'm not vouching for them. that's really, really horrilbe.

Welcome to SS sweetheart. I hope the people aren't harassing you here?! I'm so sorry they got a hold of your account... do you need to talk about it?

It's not like that sweetheart. We didn't have the sight we had back then, we just... didn't. I could say the same thing, I could call myself a moron for not realizing it, that all the signs were there and they just... never... clicked. But that was who we were, that is the pain that we faced then and we were blind to. It's so hard to notice people's true intentions. A lot of the time it's not up to the judgement of the victim, but the deceptiveness of the offender. A lot of the time, we just want to trust, we just want to vent, we just want to finally be able to put all of those sorts of trust into someone, and when it breaks, it makes us feel shame, embarassment, a lot of things.

I don't think you're stupid. Everybody has played that role at one point or another.

Oh, don't get it wrong. They didn't get ahold of my SS account, they just know I'm depressed so they try to get me while I'm down I guess. Thank you for the welcome, I find the people here absolutely delightful, they have such beautiful souls just for being pro-choice and understandings the pain one person can go through, plus they're always here for you

 

[itsmeagain]

Oh, don't get it wrong. They didn't get ahold of my SS account, they just know I'm depressed so they try to get me while I'm down I guess. Thank you for the welcome, I find the people here absolutely delightful, they have such beautiful souls just for being pro-choice and understandings the pain one person can go through, plus they're always here for you

Maybe you should delete the account and start another, or talk with an administrator or something. Maybe if these are people yuo know in real life you can file harassment? Something like that.

Ihope things work out. We don't need people kicking us while we're down. I'm living that right now.

 

[teddybear1403]

They're irl's, they don't know about my account, dont worry

 

[pole]

sorry you feel that way. i've had a couple really really close people in my life that i consider more than friends wrong me.

the more recent one helped me through my suicidal times and episodes by wanting to be there for me, telling me it'll be okay, just being there for me willingly in general. well, all of that was for nothing, as he'd tell people my problems behind my back, tell them i always self-pity and that it's annoying.

i'm sorry that you haven't found a proper support system within you're friends. some people are just.. ugh. i can never have anyone that treats me the way i treat them.

i hope you find better friends and a support system that values you, and wants to genuinly help and be there for you, with no strings attached.

 

[Going Home]

They were never really friends. People sometimes take advantage of real love.

If someone can sit at their desk eating chips listening to me suffer they were never a friend. They are waiting for me to die.

 

[WhyamIstillhere]

That's why I push people away, I don't want anyone to think they're the reason I ctb, for better or worse

 

[itsmeagain]

They're irl's, they don't know about my account, dont worry

Okay, that's a relief.

They were never really friends. People sometimes take advantage of real love.

If someone can sit at their desk eating chips listening to me suffer they were never a friend. They are waiting for me to die.

"they're waiting for me to die". for some reason, this hit me like I wish a bullet train would. I completely agree... you hit the nail on the head.

 

[Whats wrong with me]

I was doing a little better today. I was talking to the right people, doing the right things, and things came falling down on me. Some friends wanted to speak with me again after they did some horrible things they said, and when I joined the chat and asked for an apology...

I could hear two of them in the chat cackling down the hall from where I'm dormed.


The other ones said horrible things that are imprinting on my mind.

I was just starting to get over the nightmares. It's just unbareable.

I know with who they are, they wouldn't care if I CTB, because in their eyes, I'm wrong. And whoever is wrong, is deserving of merciless pain if they don't agree.

I always try to see the best in everyone, but these people aren't giving me any reason. I'm not going to try to reason but....

Now, I feel like if carry through with CTB, I feel like they win.

I feel like...

I'm the dumbass loser who killed himself because "He was wrong".

Instead of someone who had too much going on before this

I'm under attack of two narcissist that undermines my very existence. I'm tired of fighting. You can't win with people. And in fortunately for me I can't get away. It got real bad when I marked them. Then they went to work on the meaningful relationship I did have. People are so cruel.

 

[itsmeagain]

I'm under attack of two narcissist that undermines my very existence. I'm tired of fighting. You can't win with people. And in fortunately for me I can't get away. It got real bad when I marked them. Then they went to work on the meaningful relationship I did have. People are so cruel.

I'm so sorry it's been so difficult for you... people really are cruel.