Being suicidal requires responsibility

[That's Not Me]

I only realized this again yesterday. Last year when I was going to ctb I spent the whole year with the maxim in my head "I can take a suffering as it will be over soon, so I will try to minimize the suffering of others as much as I can". Now that I'm back with the ctb idea, I guess I had forgotten that and was having a very selfish idea of everything. Of course, I still have time to fix the things I did in this lapse of my selfishness and self-centeredness, but I still feel very guilty for having done what I did. To be suicidal is to know that death will have an impact on other people's lives, but that doesn't stop you from trying to minimize it if possible. Of course for most people it is not possible, but for me it is.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that we all have to die someday, we are destined for nowhere but death, and once we are gone everything will simply be forgotten about for us. I mean yes, death will make other people sad, but that's not the concern of the person who has left, we aren't obligated to continue delaying the inevitable and anyway the other people will inevitably die and I bet that eventually most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here, it's just the way that existence is. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[MusicEnjoyer:D]

It's true. You just can't take out of the equation the impact your death will have on other people.

I have come to the conclusion that I want to CTB, but i can't bear to put that burden over my mothers shoulders. So i'm going to wait until she passes away before I do it, and try to soak up my own pain.

She has stage IV cancer, so for now I will try to make her as happy as I can.

In other cases, I understand the hurting may become so bad that you have to leave, regardless of the pain it might cause others.

 

[nureinFuchs]

You just described my way of looking at CTB, I have in mind people who may be affected by my action, but there is a loop in that point of view, most of our loved ones will keep us from CTB so they don't suffer, they prefer keep us alive by suffering life instead of being relieved by death, in the same way we want to die but don't want to make others suffer for our decision.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm glad I don't have to worry about that.

 

[tfnb]

The way I view it is that most people consider ctb to be selfish, but it's in fact those people who are selfishly wanting to avoid the feelings of loss and mortality that comes with ctb, so instead they want you to endure your obvious pain forever so as to not inconvenience themselves.

 

[That's Not Me]

The reality is that we all have to die someday, we are destined for nowhere but death, and once we are gone everything will simply be forgotten about for us. I mean yes, death will make other people sad, but that's not the concern of the person who has left, we aren't obligated to continue delaying the inevitable and anyway the other people will inevitably die and I bet that eventually most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here, it's just the way that existence is. But anyway I wish you the best.

Yes, I see your point. Non-existence is the rule, and existence is the exception. For billions of years every single individual on earth has not existed, so it doesn't matter much whether it will be 80 years or 25 years of existence. The pain of others will pass and everything and everyone will be forgotten. I understand. My concern is that as much as I eventually can no longer bear having to exist to avoid the pain of others, I still feel and am responsible for the suffering that my death will cause. The best thing would be if I were hit by a bus and died: I would get what I want and have no responsibility for it, plus the fact that people's suffering would be reduced, since they wouldn't blame themselves, but since this won't happen and I will have to end my life myself, I can avoid the suffering of others as much as possible. Of course ctb is a selfish act and should be so, but that doesn't stop me from trying to smooth things over.

It's true. You just can't take out of the equation the impact your death will have on other people.

I have come to the conclusion that I want to CTB, but i can't bear to put that burden over my mothers shoulders. So i'm going to wait until she passes away before I do it, and try to soak up my own pain.

She has stage IV cancer, so for now I will try to make her as happy as I can.

In other cases, I understand the hurting may become so bad that you have to leave, regardless of the pain it might cause others.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope you are able to build good last moments with her and I also hope you are able to find some reason to live before she goes.

You just described my way of looking at CTB, I have in mind people who may be affected by my action, but there is a loop in that point of view, most of our loved ones will keep us from CTB so they don't suffer, they prefer keep us alive by suffering life instead of being relieved by death, in the same way we want to die but don't want to make others suffer for our decision.

Exactly! It is a paradox that traps us in a cycle. I hope that if I am kind enough to avoid enough suffering and do everything so that they don't feel guilty, maybe they will also be kind enough to understand my decision to end the suffering. Understanding the motivations of a ctb is a very difficult act of love, and I understand this, but if you really love a person, you should not want to see them suffer, and you should believe them when they say they have tried everything and the only way to end the suffering was death. Still, of course, I know that no one will think that way as they will be too shocked to think rationally.

I'm glad I don't have to worry about that.

I am sorry for that. I remember you commented on my first post last year when I was still very lost. Thank you so much for that and for all the times you have commented on any post. It always makes the feeling of loneliness a little bit smaller. I hope everything goes well for you. You deserve happiness and I hope you find it.

The way I view it is that most people consider ctb to be selfish, but it's in fact those people who are selfishly wanting to avoid the feelings of loss and mortality that comes with ctb, so instead they want you to endure your obvious pain forever so as to not inconvenience themselves.

Anyone who ctb is selfish, anyone who wants to prevent others from ctb to prevent their own suffering is selfish, anyone who blame those who ctb is selfish, anyone who blames someone else for another's ctb is selfish. Generally, everyone is selfish when it comes to ctb, except for those exceptions when the person genuinely understood and cared about the person and was sad because he believed that the ctb person's power of judgment was affected and that he could have another way to end the suffering, but these exceptions are pretty rare.

 

[Duochrome-Seahorse]

honestly, I feel like all people are selfish, but all of a sudden it's bad when it's not the acceptable version of selfishness. I can understand feeling guilt of the loved ones experiencing one's death, but there's never going to be an easy way around it. The fact that selfishness has been weaponized against people to bend the knee to them or be punished has made ctb a lot worse than it comes off.

CTB in of itself is a paradox, to think that there's a way that will have a good ending for everyone is unrealistic. It's impossible to please everyone.

 

[That's Not Me]

honestly, I feel like all people are selfish, but all of a sudden it's bad when it's not the acceptable version of selfishness. I can understand feeling guilt of the loved ones experiencing one's death, but there's never going to be an easy way around it. The fact that selfishness has been weaponized against people to bend the knee to them or be punished has made ctb a lot worse than it comes off.

CTB in of itself is a paradox, to think that there's a way that will have a good ending for everyone is unrealistic. It's impossible to please everyone.

You are probably right. Maybe it really isn't as bad as it is made to sound.

CTB in of itself is a paradox, to think that there's a way that will have a good ending for everyone is unrealistic. It's impossible to please everyone.

Thinking about it kills me inside

 

[MusicGuy]

Honestly I don't think they will be that affected, I mean sure they will be sad and whatever, but how long will it last? A week? A month? They don't really care, they never did. Your parents could be the only ones really affected, and even then, they will go on with their lives, your not ruining anyone's life.

 

[Ontwon]

Honestly I don't think they will be that affected, I mean sure they will be sad and whatever, but how long will it last? A week? A month? They don't really care, they never did. Your parents could be the only ones really affected, and even then, they will go on with their lives, your not ruining anyone's life.

I hope you're right although we may never fully know the place in someone else's life we hold.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm glad I don't have to worry about that.

I am sorry for that. I remember you commented on my first post last year when I was still very lost. Thank you so much for that and for all the times you have commented on any post. It always makes the feeling of loneliness a little bit smaller. I hope everything goes well for you. You deserve happiness and I hope you find it.

Thanks for that, but there's no happiness coming my way anymore. That ship has sailed a long time ago.

 

[That's Not Me]

Honestly I don't think they will be that affected, I mean sure they will be sad and whatever, but how long will it last? A week? A month? They don't really care, they never did. Your parents could be the only ones really affected, and even then, they will go on with their lives, your not ruining anyone's life.

I am trying to convince myself of this, but I know that my mother and father can really be ruined by the grieving process. If I can push their grief through, it's probably what you said. Everyone will find other things and other reasons to live. Until then, I am responsible for what happens to them.

I hope you're right although we may never fully know the place in someone else's life we hold.

We can't be completely sure, but, for instance, I am the only reason for my parents to live. I know that a big part of their life goes along with me and I know how selfish it is for me to make this decision for them, but as I said, it is possible to make them find other reasons to live. In two or three years my parents will be getting back to doing things that parenthood stopped them from doing, like bachelor hobbies.

Thanks for that, but there's no happiness coming my way anymore. That ship has sailed a long time ago.

It's a pity. If I can do for you something like you did for me, let me know

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It's a pity. If I can do for you something like you did for me, let me know