being such a good little human

[comeoutandhauntme]

i feel like i'm just someone's pet human playing my part perfectly rn lol. i work 2 jobs, go to school, act totally happy and normal around friends, hangout with them regularly. i don't even act like i have something wrong or bothering me, just happy and normal as can be. look at me being a good little human playing my part correctly. nobody would ever guess i've never been more suicidal in my life and plan on ctb within the next month if all goes as planned lol

 

[certified_idiot]

That's actually very normal. A lot of people seem completely fine before they ctb. I know I overcompensated by trying to seem as happy as possible before my first (planned) suicide attempt. It probably looked really weird to the people around me.

 

[NameOfAction]

Is there no one in your life who understands mental health? Someone who's also struggling or struggled

When I had friends, they were all equally fucked and our relationship was based on mutual venting

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

That's actually very normal. A lot of people seem completely fine before they ctb. I know I overcompensated by trying to seem as happy as possible before my first (planned) suicide attempt. It probably looked really weird to the people around me.

true lol, ig i don't find it necessarily weird or abnormal, i just think it's kinda funny i'm managing it as well as i am. definitely am overcompensating tho, my friends and i just recently lost another friend to suicide so doing my absolute best to give them zero reason to suspect anything is off with me. not that he gave any signs either, but still, would rather be safe than sorry lmao

Is there no one in your life who understands mental health? Someone who's also struggling or struggled

When I had friends, they were all equally fucked and our relationship was based on mutual venting

i wish, but not as far as i'm aware. at least not on the level i am.

my 2 oldest friends i know also went through bad phases of mental health but it was more in the past. they both are relatively better now and i think i'm the only one who's had it last this long.

i know my friends would be willing to listen to me talk or wtv, but quite frankly i see no point in it. none of my problems are solvable to them so telling them would do nothing but burden them and allow them to potentially worry for/keep an eye out for me. and if i told anyone i was suicidal they would likely tell someone and have it get back to my family and then id be absolutely fucked. so i keep it all to myself