being realistic, i’ll probably never do it.

[MicahBell]

i'm so, so tired.

life feels warmer somehow when you know you're gonna die and for the last week i've been enjoying that catharsis when you think you'll die soon. at least for me it made me want to be a better person, or if i didn't know how to be better at least make somebody happy. do good by somebody. But I realise now that i'm always gonna be too much of a coward to do it.

My life has been getting objectively better, and yet i seem to be getting worse. I struggled in school but got enough credits recently to graduate months early. I'm moving to a new place into the city where maybe if i was good i could be happy. But it all feels like i'm running out of time. Or like walls are closing in on me and crushing me slowly or something. I'm afraid.

I don't have any aspirations in my life and if i keep on living I wouldn't know what to do. I don't know how to live. I'd say my misery makes life worse for the people around me, if they even cared. I'm sure they know. But i can't rely on them noticing and doing something to fix me. I don't know how to be better.

 

[CentreMid]

Idk how to explain it, but there's something comforting about knowing you have a way out.

That being said, I'm happy for you in the sense that things are looking up for you, but I'm sorry that you feel you're getting worse. It's so frustrating to be stuck in the in-between, yeah?

I hope you're able to find peace, whatever that looks like for you

 

[J&L383]

i'm so, so tired.

I'm afraid.

Me too. This world is a tiring and scary place.