nattys5thtoenail
New Member
- Oct 6, 2024
- 4
Hi guys, i've been lurking here for over a year now and I am finally ready to start posting, i'm excited to be in a place with people who get it. I'm kinda new to forums so pls (kindly) tell me if i'm screwing up in some way! Anyways, i'm rlly suicidal and have been since childhood, I do not plan on CTB'ing within the next 5 years but trust i'm 90% sure it's how im exiting this fucked up world, and being neurodivergent is one of my top reasons.
Now before yall go "another quirky neurospicy manic pixie dream girl bitching on forums again" this is not going to be your typical post viewing it through a romanticized lens. I have ADHD and suspected undiagnosed autism and was in special ed for years, I was so socially mal adapted that I had like 0 friends and I was suicidal as a 9 year old. Even with the accommodations I still struggled in school and never felt like I received actual help and guidance and was just left to suffer and burden everyone. People say that they support disabilities but even as an adult I still feel socially excluded and people call me weird for the smallest "ick" traits I have, and the worst part is I can't even get mad at them, imagine having an autistic kid run up to you and fart in your face randomly, or have to deal with them throwing shit all over the room. Unfortunately it's a disability at the end of the day and people have the right to be frustrated, humans aren't supposed to have brains like this and I wish autism silly girl tik tok would talk about this side more instead of pushing for radical unmasking without discussing potential consequences and how we arent really disabled and just special.
Not to mention, I just hate having a creative mind full of so many dreams and ideas and just watching them go to waste in real time because I can't focus or get out of bed or being overstimluated and in pain thus being unable to continue. There's so many things I want to do and keep daydreaming about but realistically I know it will never be a reality for me. It hurts going on forums and seeing Autism mommies and teachers just talk about how much we burden them and the truth is I can't even defend myself because the reality is we ARE a burden, we need so much attention for the simplest shit anyone can do. I just wish that it was more socially acceptable to abort neurodivergent kids after discovering it on a genetic test, I wish being neurodivergent was an acceptable excuse to get a lethal injection, I just want to disappear. I can't bare living in a world I simply wasn't made for. This isn't a superpower, this is living hell.
Now before yall go "another quirky neurospicy manic pixie dream girl bitching on forums again" this is not going to be your typical post viewing it through a romanticized lens. I have ADHD and suspected undiagnosed autism and was in special ed for years, I was so socially mal adapted that I had like 0 friends and I was suicidal as a 9 year old. Even with the accommodations I still struggled in school and never felt like I received actual help and guidance and was just left to suffer and burden everyone. People say that they support disabilities but even as an adult I still feel socially excluded and people call me weird for the smallest "ick" traits I have, and the worst part is I can't even get mad at them, imagine having an autistic kid run up to you and fart in your face randomly, or have to deal with them throwing shit all over the room. Unfortunately it's a disability at the end of the day and people have the right to be frustrated, humans aren't supposed to have brains like this and I wish autism silly girl tik tok would talk about this side more instead of pushing for radical unmasking without discussing potential consequences and how we arent really disabled and just special.
Not to mention, I just hate having a creative mind full of so many dreams and ideas and just watching them go to waste in real time because I can't focus or get out of bed or being overstimluated and in pain thus being unable to continue. There's so many things I want to do and keep daydreaming about but realistically I know it will never be a reality for me. It hurts going on forums and seeing Autism mommies and teachers just talk about how much we burden them and the truth is I can't even defend myself because the reality is we ARE a burden, we need so much attention for the simplest shit anyone can do. I just wish that it was more socially acceptable to abort neurodivergent kids after discovering it on a genetic test, I wish being neurodivergent was an acceptable excuse to get a lethal injection, I just want to disappear. I can't bare living in a world I simply wasn't made for. This isn't a superpower, this is living hell.
