being inherently repulsive

[nails]

i'm havjng a hard time getting my thoughts together
i have to be the problem, no other explanation makes sense. my family members either hate me or just don't care about me/my wellbeing, all of my friends left me and/or stopped caring about me, everyone i meet seems to immediately become disinterested in me unless they have no one else to talk to. this happens irl and online. it only ever happens after someone truly begins to know me. people seem interested in getting to know me, but they dip after actually talking to me or getting to know me. i'm really tired of talking about this and hearing how it just CAN'T be my fault. what other explanation is there? i've gone through this with pretty much every single person i've known throughout my entire life, they've all stopped caring and usually end up leaving, regardless of the situation or our relationship. i'm the common denominator, it's the only thing that makes sense.
i've tried so hard to figure out what's wrong and fix it, idk what else to do.
i don't mean anything to anyone, i'm not supported by anyone, and no one is worried about me.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Idk. But situations like these can quickly become self fulfilling prophecies and once it's begun it can be very hard to undo. But not impossible.

 

[persepexa]

i'm havjng a hard time getting my thoughts together
i have to be the problem, no other explanation makes sense. my family members either hate me or just don't care about me/my wellbeing, all of my friends left me and/or stopped caring about me, everyone i meet seems to immediately become disinterested in me unless they have no one else to talk to. this happens irl and online. it only ever happens after someone truly begins to know me. people seem interested in getting to know me, but they dip after actually talking to me or getting to know me. i'm really tired of talking about this and hearing how it just CAN'T be my fault. what other explanation is there? i've gone through this with pretty much every single person i've known throughout my entire life, they've all stopped caring and usually end up leaving, regardless of the situation or our relationship. i'm the common denominator, it's the only thing that makes sense.
i've tried so hard to figure out what's wrong and fix it, idk what else to do.
i don't mean anything to anyone, i'm not supported by anyone, and no one is worried about me.

Life is never as simple as "it's always me" or "it's always them". There could be any number of factors for this since we don't know anything other than what you've said. I do think if you're going into something with the feeling of "they're gonna end up hating me and leaving me" then they probably will. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe if you tried changing your outlook or your perspective things might change? Try working on yourself. I think you need to move the goal posts a little. Start with something simple. You've mentioned that you feel like nobody likes you so maybe you should ask yourself if you like you, and if not, why not? That's a good place to start.

 

[kufajoy]

Some of us built that way. We are just misfit. There's like energy that push people away from us .

 

[in2thespiral]

I feel you. It's a never ending cycle of loss and being let down. Repeated "failures" if that's what you want to call it. All u can assume is that something's wrong with you. A connection begins only to break apart. I always thought it was me that caused every single person to leave. It very well could've been. My mental health isn't only affecting me, it affects everyone around me. Some people don't know how to handle that and I don't blame them. It could've been them as well. People are strange and difficult to understand. We can't read their minds. We don't know why things went wrong. They just did and we have to accept that.

I like to think that if someone doesn't like my true authentic self then why would I want their presence in the first place. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care and stick around for you despite whatever "flaws" you have. Those are true relationships. The people that stay by your side no matter what. The ones who don't leave when things gets bad or ugly. The ones who will love you in the dark.

You don't need people in your life who don't like you. Don't force anybody to like you. Don't morph into their standards. You are enough and there are people out there who will see that. It may seem impossible, especially after repeated let downs, but life isn't a single moment. It isn't just the hurt. Life moves forward and with that comes new opportunities, relationships, experiences, etc.

 

[ToANewWorld]

Disclaimer that I read through your post and I can relate a lot about what you are writing here, but to give you some constructive feedback I will say your thoughts have a lot of cognitive distortions and quite honestly your mindset is very narrow. I am only judging you harshly because I can relate to what you wrote and I know how difficult it is to break through this unproductive mentallity where everything that happens good or bad your mental conclusion ends up being "I am a POS". It isn't helpful and assuming you are an otherwise perfectly healthy individual, it is a such a waste of life to be thinking about CTB (from my perspective at least).

i have to be the problem, no other explanation makes sense.

There is some truth to this. You could be abrasive, annoying, immature, be coming across as too anxious or guarded or neurotic or a million different other reasons. If you are self-aware enough to be reflecting about your role in your failing relationships that is a great sign that you can improve who you are and get better outcomes!

Having said that, it does you zero good to talk about your lack of social skills as if they were a fatal flaw worth ending your life over. There are men and women out there that have committed murder, violation, fraud and all sorts of evil crap and most of them aren't contemplating ending their existence (even though they should). You haven't committed any heinus crime (I am assuming). Being bad at relationships and extremely lonely - while painful is for all intents - quite normal and there is plenty you could do to navigate such a problem.

everyone i meet seems to immediately become disinterested in me unless they have no one else to talk to. this happens irl and online. it only ever happens after someone truly begins to know me.

I have experienced exactly what you are talking about growing up and it is awful, for sure but to give you some perspective almost everyone experiences this disengagement to some degree. Depending how old you are and where you live your chances at meeting genuine people who care about you could be extremely difficult. This isn't a you problem only. Lots of people, I would say in the USA most people have trouble connecting to others to some degree.

If connecting with others causes you angst and fears of rejection/abandonment you have to work on psychology and your self-esteem. It's the mindset that "shields" normies from the pain you are feeling when they get rejected by others. You might be a highly sensitive person and rejection feels specially painful for you. It sucks but this is a cross you can learn to carry.

i've tried so hard to figure out what's wrong and fix it, idk what else to do.

I get the frustration, I really do. But if your post is 10% of how you talk to and view yourself I am sure your psychology and mindset can use some work. You have to teach your mind to speak more accurately about what is observing and concluding. Being rejected by others, hated, embarrassed, bullied are not good enough reasons to put yourself down sentence after sentence. That mental habit is wrecking your self-esteem harder than any person out there.

 

[fadedghost]

i'm havjng a hard time getting my thoughts together
i have to be the problem, no other explanation makes sense. my family members either hate me or just don't care about me/my wellbeing, all of my friends left me and/or stopped caring about me, everyone i meet seems to immediately become disinterested in me unless they have no one else to talk to. this happens irl and online. it only ever happens after someone truly begins to know me. people seem interested in getting to know me, but they dip after actually talking to me or getting to know me. i'm really tired of talking about this and hearing how it just CAN'T be my fault. what other explanation is there? i've gone through this with pretty much every single person i've known throughout my entire life, they've all stopped caring and usually end up leaving, regardless of the situation or our relationship. i'm the common denominator, it's the only thing that makes sense.
i've tried so hard to figure out what's wrong and fix it, idk what else to do.
i don't mean anything to anyone, i'm not supported by anyone, and no one is worried about me.

i believe you

people are often selfish and just want to have fun/improve social standing/etc. it's probably not your fault, people are just awful. being social has become hustle culture and it's fucking terrible, and by hussle culture i mean hyper aware of social status and trying to increase it. so people want to get to know you, then you don't introduce them to people or open doors for them, and so they find opportunities that are more likely to increase status. It fucking sucks that people are so evil and predictable and shitty with how they social climb and status seek, almost all people do it. If you make yourself less available, randomly disappear for weeks at a time, occasionally introduce one person to another or allude to people they could meet, this problem might not be as bad. One great way to meet lots of random people is community service, btw.

 

[InevitableDeath]

i'm havjng a hard time getting my thoughts together
i have to be the problem, no other explanation makes sense. my family members either hate me or just don't care about me/my wellbeing, all of my friends left me and/or stopped caring about me, everyone i meet seems to immediately become disinterested in me unless they have no one else to talk to. this happens irl and online. it only ever happens after someone truly begins to know me. people seem interested in getting to know me, but they dip after actually talking to me or getting to know me. i'm really tired of talking about this and hearing how it just CAN'T be my fault. what other explanation is there? i've gone through this with pretty much every single person i've known throughout my entire life, they've all stopped caring and usually end up leaving, regardless of the situation or our relationship. i'm the common denominator, it's the only thing that makes sense.
i've tried so hard to figure out what's wrong and fix it, idk what else to do.
i don't mean anything to anyone, i'm not supported by anyone, and no one is worried about me.

People are cunts. Wish they weren't but they are. Not being flippant either, this is through years of lived experience. Every time you hold out your hand they spit in your face. So they can all fucking do one.

Its not you, its them.

 

[nails]

i believe you

people are often selfish and just want to have fun/improve social standing/etc. it's probably not your fault, people are just awful. being social has become hustle culture and it's fucking terrible, and by hussle culture i mean hyper aware of social status and trying to increase it. so people want to get to know you, then you don't introduce them to people or open doors for them, and so they find opportunities that are more likely to increase status. It fucking sucks that people are so evil and predictable and shitty with how they social climb and status seek, almost all people do it. If you make yourself less available, randomly disappear for weeks at a time, occasionally introduce one person to another or allude to people they could meet, this problem might not be as bad. One great way to meet lots of random people is community service, btw.

People are cunts. Wish they weren't but they are. Not being flippant either, this is through years of lived experience. Every time you hold out your hand they spit in your face. So they can all fucking do one.

Its not you, its them.

thank you for the responses, but this just isn't the case here. i agree most people are horrible and have bad intentions, bht a lot of the people who left me are good people. my close friends were great to me and i don't thjnk they're like that. it was just me

 

[InevitableDeath]

thank you for the responses, but this just isn't the case here. i agree most people are horrible and have bad intentions, bht a lot of the people who left me are good people. my close friends were great to me and i don't thjnk they're like that. it was just me

Fine you do yourself down if you want. In my experience people can't deal with the truth, and I don't see them here.

 

[fadedghost]

thank you for the responses, but this just isn't the case here. i agree most people are horrible and have bad intentions, bht a lot of the people who left me are good people. my close friends were great to me and i don't thjnk they're like that. it was just me

you may want to try to find a way to improve socially. they have people online who will give people lessons on being conversationalists, improving talking with people. you could try that, or increase your network with community service. you can improve how you relate and connect with other people if you try to learn, but i realize if you don't want to...

 

[nails]

you may want to try to find a way to improve socially. they have people online who will give people lessons on being conversationalists, improving talking with people. you could try that, or increase your network with community service. you can improve how you relate and connect with other people if you try to learn, but i realize if you don't want to...

i don't have any issues talking to people, i've actually made a short thread about it. it used to be a big struggle of mine, but i pyt a lot of time and effort into fixing it. most people seem to enjoy talking tk me and a lot of people seem eager to get to know me. the issues start once they actually begin to know me. i meet new people all the time and it's just useless, it never goes anywhere.