Being in my own bed

[I Me & Myself]

I have no one to talk to right now so I'm saying it here

I'm sleeping in my own bed tonight. And it's weird. I've not been home in months, my roommate stripped all sheets off my bed while I was gone so I had to re sheet it.

It's more comfortable than a hospital bed.
I can look outside through the glass door onto my neighbour's orchard.
I'm alone.

I don't feel particulary anxious or happy. It just feels... surreal. And weirdly, I don't feel safe. But not in a way that I'm afraid more in a... I know I *should* be afraid way. But there's nothing to be afraid of so I'm just sitting here, reading a book and watching Video essays. Then back to book and back to essay and so on.

What an odd time to be alive.

 

[timf]

A change in routine or location can produce a disassociative interval. This can produce anxiety or as you have noticed even a period of relative tranquility.

Sometimes such intervals can give a perspective that would not easily be otherwise achievable. This perspective can allow one to look at their life a little more objectively and sometimes be able to see a change of direction or other changes that might be tried.

 

[deny_conformity]

I know what you mean, sort of. I should be afraid of what I might do to myself but at the same time my medication makes me numb to that. I know I am rocking severe depression under the hood.

Keep doing what you're doing, avoiding boredom is important. I usually find reading helps distract me and I love video essays on YouTube. I say to people I don't see the point in shorts, if it's under 10 minutes I'm not interested .

 

[I Me & Myself]

First day was fine, felt a little weird around lunch because I had forgotten my meds. I took em then.

Today I took two of the three Pills I got for "emergencies" (low dose quetiapine). They helped. They usually make me very hungry....

... and despite taking them I was not hungry at all and only ate a snack and some bell pepper over the two days. My sleep was also very restless and I felt unsafe when the apartment became dark... I pretty much just hid away in bed and was sweating like crazy.

Sometimes such intervals can give a perspective that would not easily be otherwise achievable. This perspective can allow one to look at their life a little more objectively and sometimes be able to see a change of direction or other changes that might be tried.

You're right. This is actually really important so I'm gonna take the time to reflect on it:

My takeaway is: Milo Rossi's April fools video ("we found atlantis") is definetly worth the watch, my bed is more comfortable than a hospital bed, my flatmate needs to clean more often, I really missed talking to my friends via Laptop.

A more serious takeaway: I don't think I want to permanently move back in again. Group home option seems more valid every day and I think at least while I get acclimated to taking responsibility for myself again, I shouldn't live alone.

Also I called an animal shelter and am now a volunteer cat petter :]

I know what you mean, sort of. I should be afraid of what I might do to myself but at the same time my medication makes me numb to that. I know I am rocking severe depression under the hood.

Yeah that's exactly it :']