Venting Being handed a loaded gun haunts me still

[HoolioCoolio]

It was not too long ago I was handed a gun with live ammunition and told to clean it. They left outside and I just stared and had visions of what would happen. I recently forgot that I even had this happen to me but now I just get chills... I almost ctb and would've left a mess for everyone to clean. I just keep thinking of all my visions and how it felt to have a fully loaded Pistol.

 

[MisanthropyInsanity]

Sometimes I have episodes where I feel excruciating agony inside, when this happens I take my loaded gun and put it to my head. I don't intend on shooting myself when I do this, though I've come close to, because that isn't the gun I will ctb with. The reason I do it is because feeling the barrel against my temple is comforting, knowing that I have full control, and I can always stop my pain so easily. I like to pull the trigger on it too without having a round chambered, it feels so good to pull the trigger when it is against my head, it reminds just how easy it is to end things.

 

[Mr2005]

It was not too long ago I was handed a gun with live ammunition and told to clean it. They left outside and I just stared and had visions of what would happen. I recently forgot that I even had this happen to me but now I just get chills... I almost ctb and would've left a mess for everyone to clean. I just keep thinking of all my visions and how it felt to have a fully loaded Pistol.

If you want to pass it on I'd be most grateful