Venting Being given up on so I have to start SH

[princeseadove]

My friend, à friend who i love very dearly, has given up on me. Albeit he is very busy, he has placed distance on me. I know why, it's because I vent so much. Everyday is a struggle and everyday I have nothing good to say. I'm incredibly honest with him so I always say all these thoughts and how "nobody loves me" over and over. ot started a little while ago, when I mentioned how lonely I felt in a group (and how I can't insert myself in) and he got extremely frustrated. He apologized and said he was just tired from lack of sleep, but it wasn't the last time. He has put on a lot of distance and focused on other people. He says he is busy and stressed, but clearly I'm not helping so of course he wouldn't talk to me. We haven't talked for about 5 days now, and I texted him a lot and he left me on read twice. I don't know, I just ignored that little fact bjt I began to panic because we would always talk everyday. But as it turns out, he was still texting people. Albiet slowly, he still was. It was just me.

So I decided that cutting myself wouod be my best option. I don't want to get better, I don't want to give myself hope only to crash down again because I KNOW, I WILL DIE. But I don't want things to become worse with us either. I love him. Even if he has learned not to love me so much, I still want things to go back to where they were. I keep talking about my issues and venting, so it's better for me to internalize it and self-harm. I haven't for months now… just because I'm stubborn or lazy, but now I have to. I'll keep it all bottled up, because he is only human and I love him.

 

[goldenwitch]

that is horrible, no one deserved being given up on.
i understand his viewpoint too, i understand that he simply doesnt know how to help you, that he is concerned and terrified for you, but distances himself emotionally so that if you end up doing anything, he doesnt feel as hurt.
but you deserve more help. friends should help. or at least try and understand your struggles. his behaviour comes from a place of love, but that doesn't negate from its selfishness. i hope he can finally realise how to express his love towards you better.

 

[princeseadove]

that is horrible, no one deserved being given up on.
i understand his viewpoint too, i understand that he simply doesnt know how to help you, that he is concerned and terrified for you, but distances himself emotionally so that if you end up doing anything, he doesnt feel as hurt.
but you deserve more help. friends should help. or at least try and understand your struggles. his behaviour comes from a place of love, but that doesn't negate from its selfishness. i hope he can finally realise how to express his love towards you better.

Thank you, I don't know. I don't blame him or feel so bad… I did everything I could and said how he can tell me if I'm stressing him out god knows how long. In retrospect it's kind of shitty thing to do, but I understand. I also adore your pfp and name, I love umineko so it makes me really happy :3