I broke up with my gf and now shes blaming me for her suicidal issues. I'm also suicidal but don't blame her. I'm a lesbian if that matters. I guess I don't know what to say or what to do.
Is she also blaming you for being a lesbian? Lol sorry, I try to be funny.
Ps: I'm gay!
Ps: I'm gay!
You bear no responsibility for another person's emotional state By a breakup if you were not abusive.
Mm80
Enlightened
- May 15, 2019
- 1,604
Is itt a feeling of rejection that is making her want to ctb or something that you have done to her specifically. ?
I think its very unfair when a person directly blames another for ctb
I think its very unfair when a person directly blames another for ctb
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
It's hard to know what to say to this without more background info.
faust
lost among the stars
- Jan 26, 2020
- 3,138
Blaming might be a defensive reaction. It is easier to blame than admit it is your own issue.
Blaming means putting responsibility of everything on you despite being responsible of herself.
Just try to explain that you both are guilty in this case and there is no need to blame anybody.
Blaming means putting responsibility of everything on you despite being responsible of herself.
Just try to explain that you both are guilty in this case and there is no need to blame anybody.
There was no abuse what so ever on either part. She just said "its time for me to leave this place " and I'm freaking out.
I feel like calling an ambulance because I will freak out IF she does anything and I also need her to know im not playing a game.
I feel like calling an ambulance because I will freak out IF she does anything and I also need her to know im not playing a game.
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faust
lost among the stars
- Jan 26, 2020
- 3,138
She just contacted me tonight, out of no where. This just doesn't fit her usual optimistic and bubbly personality. This makes me feel like shit. She didn't do anything wrong I just feel I'll never love anyone. I feel trapped.
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
My opinion, based on the little you've said, is that you are not responsible for her. You don't own her thoughts, feelings, or actions. You broke up with her, you had a right to do that, and you are no longer responsible to her or for her. I would advise that you extricate, and work on managing your own feelings about this. If you don't enagage, there is no game to play. Otherwise you're remaining enmeshed in what sounds like a toxic relationship that needed to end. You can't control her actions; if she can't control them either, that's a problem, but it's absolutely not yours.
faust
lost among the stars
- Jan 26, 2020
- 3,138
Exactly, you are trapped... I hope she is not manipulating you this way and not trying to make you feel guilty.
You cannot be responsible for her all your life. Does she know the real cause of a breakup?
PhilosOfDoom
Experienced
- Nov 22, 2019
- 207
You are not responsible for her manipulation. However, you could simply call 911 or her parents. Worse that could happen is that she was lying and she's angry but safe. If you don't call, worse that could happen is that she dies, and that's a lost of human life. Good luck.
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Did she actually blame you, or did you on your own assume you are the reason?
Mm80
Enlightened
- May 15, 2019
- 1,604
Sorry guys i dont post a lot. Thank you for your replies. It's def being blamed on me by both her and her mom. Apparently when I told her I loved her that cemented me to her forever. We did talk about our future together often but I'm very schizoeffective and I made the decision I want to be alone. I told her that it is def my mental health and not her. She's begging to be there for me when I want no one. I don't plan to immediately run off and ctb but i want out of this relationship so I can go back planning. I feel my mind slipping into a bipolar schizo melt down and I know how to handle it alone.
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
Imo, she and her mom have boundary issues. She has selective deafness, and neither she nor her mother seem to comprehend personal responsibility for one's own thoughts, feelings, desires, and actions. You, however, seem to comprehend that just fine.
If it were me, I would go total and permanent no contact. The sooner that happens, the sooner you'll have your peace back. Good luck with this situation.
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I feel like she was just bullying me. I've had a different ex almost ctb after our break up and it really disturbed me. She has no way to contact me. If it happens I don't want to know. It feels awful.
Black Swan
Member
- Mar 18, 2020
- 6
I'm not sure if 'blame' is the right word but I think my ex's treatment leads me to it. Along with other similar things in the past like with my parents and then with other people. But he also said he'd like me to die and now when I'm seriously suicidal he says (anonymously, he doesn't talk to me) it's a natural thing for me to do since I'm that and that and that so he feels like I should do it.
Erm don't know what to say about it, but whether it's rational or not, good or bad in terms of morals or ethics, I just understand it on emotional level and that's the only one that matters to me... But I don't know what the situation is, what she says or just thinks about it besides what's in your message because it's hard to tell what makes her feel like it.
That's actually kinda similar to my situation except for the mother part.
So you can see me as a biased person or not, it's for you to decide what you want to do about it.
If you were with a therapist, they'd say things said above because they'd only want you to do what's in your interests and to show you you shouldn't blame yourself or feel responsible. That's what actually led me to stand up for myself a little more and not to fall into the rabbit hole of gaslighting and people's opinions anymore.
I can say a super rational reason why she does that and someone else wouldn't: childhood trauma, some deep deficiency in hr relationship with her caregivers. That can be also why people can commit suicide in general. The only difference is that you're replacing that caregiver for her, that's how she perceives it. Not sure if she can control it or not. Whenever I realize something is rationally something, I change a bit first, but it comes back eventually. I think, I realize I'm trying to reach out someone who doesn't like me, who's ice cold or like a brick wall, who recreates my childhood patterns, I'm trying to reach him out to the point of ending my life (even though it's not the only reason), but I'm still doing it, don't know why. I don't have a success in therapy with it either.
Erm don't know what to say about it, but whether it's rational or not, good or bad in terms of morals or ethics, I just understand it on emotional level and that's the only one that matters to me... But I don't know what the situation is, what she says or just thinks about it besides what's in your message because it's hard to tell what makes her feel like it.
That's actually kinda similar to my situation except for the mother part.
I know those words about ''forever love'' were a lie. I also didn't resolve anything with him in terms of closure and talking about things openly. I felt like it was swayed under the carpet and he was dishonest with me in many ways so I wanted honesty from him just once and then no communication and he also uses this logic that if he said ''bye'' that stips him of any responsibility for the closure or something like that. It feels like I was used. Another thing is that we never even met and it was going on the internet, we never even spoke on camera and I find that aspect also painful. Although it's not exactly the same thing as yours, but both of us are schizoids. But I stopped identifying myself with that label after this relationship because my parents are also schizoid and his treatment reminded me their deadly coldness, disinterest, neglect etc
So you can see me as a biased person or not, it's for you to decide what you want to do about it.
If you were with a therapist, they'd say things said above because they'd only want you to do what's in your interests and to show you you shouldn't blame yourself or feel responsible. That's what actually led me to stand up for myself a little more and not to fall into the rabbit hole of gaslighting and people's opinions anymore.
I can say a super rational reason why she does that and someone else wouldn't: childhood trauma, some deep deficiency in hr relationship with her caregivers. That can be also why people can commit suicide in general. The only difference is that you're replacing that caregiver for her, that's how she perceives it. Not sure if she can control it or not. Whenever I realize something is rationally something, I change a bit first, but it comes back eventually. I think, I realize I'm trying to reach out someone who doesn't like me, who's ice cold or like a brick wall, who recreates my childhood patterns, I'm trying to reach him out to the point of ending my life (even though it's not the only reason), but I'm still doing it, don't know why. I don't have a success in therapy with it either.
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