i want nothing more than to do my workout routine, to eat well, to have cold showers but it is impossible to do any now i'm depressed. i wish i could enjoy the gym but whenever i go my feelings of loneliness increase so much, i'll go a day forcing myself to eat what i used to and start crying at how useless it all feels, i'll have a cold shower and briefly feel all brilliant relieving feelings only to start grieving all the other things in my life that used to make me happy. they are all too exhausting.