undecidedfool
I'm just here.
- Oct 29, 2024
- 46
I just got out of the hospital this morning. I went voluntarily because I chickened out again. I wish I had just killed myself instead. It wasn't like the facility or staff was terrible. It just felt like it was prolonging the inevitable. I faked my way out of there so I'm free to ctb now.
My new problem is balancing the act of getting my life together with the preparations to end it. I still need to find a time when no one is expecting me anywhere and I can sneak out for a while to buy a gun. But now that may be a while because no one wants to leave me fully alone. In the meantime, I'm supposed to be texting my boss to arrange paperwork for my alleged return to work and setting up outpatient appointments for ongoing treatment. There's no real reason for me to do that though other than for show. I'm trying not to let it even be for back up "just in case". I can't fuck up again.
I just wish I could talk to someone in person about this without being sent back to the hospital. It'd make my last few days a lot easier. At least this place is here for us to vent.
My new problem is balancing the act of getting my life together with the preparations to end it. I still need to find a time when no one is expecting me anywhere and I can sneak out for a while to buy a gun. But now that may be a while because no one wants to leave me fully alone. In the meantime, I'm supposed to be texting my boss to arrange paperwork for my alleged return to work and setting up outpatient appointments for ongoing treatment. There's no real reason for me to do that though other than for show. I'm trying not to let it even be for back up "just in case". I can't fuck up again.
I just wish I could talk to someone in person about this without being sent back to the hospital. It'd make my last few days a lot easier. At least this place is here for us to vent.
