I find myself here again after trying to "get better." I had booked a hotel room and was there ready to hang myself when I decided to give life one more chance. I was admitted to the hospital, spent a week there, and then was referred to ECT. I did a month of ECT and got put on Effexor and lithium. Yet after all that I am still preoccupied with wanting to die. It's strange to have most of the depression symptoms gone, but to still want so desperately to die. I believe it's the best choice and you can't say I didn't try.
About 6 months ago I quit my job and moved back in with my parents. I had to quit because I was so depressed and miserable. I have a new job, but it's not even what my degree is for and I really don't like it. I am a failure in so many ways. I can't maintain friendships and honestly it's gotten to the point where I don't really care. I'm selfish. And I don't see why I should try anymore.
I'm ready to give up. But Covid is making it difficult with everyone home all the time. I suppose I could look into hotels and see if any are taking reservations. My method is partial suspension hanging. I've tested it before and found the sweet spot so I'm pretty certain I can make it happen. I just don't know when.
Anyway, just wanted to post and say I'm back and still ready to die.
About 6 months ago I quit my job and moved back in with my parents. I had to quit because I was so depressed and miserable. I have a new job, but it's not even what my degree is for and I really don't like it. I am a failure in so many ways. I can't maintain friendships and honestly it's gotten to the point where I don't really care. I'm selfish. And I don't see why I should try anymore.
I'm ready to give up. But Covid is making it difficult with everyone home all the time. I suppose I could look into hotels and see if any are taking reservations. My method is partial suspension hanging. I've tested it before and found the sweet spot so I'm pretty certain I can make it happen. I just don't know when.
Anyway, just wanted to post and say I'm back and still ready to die.
