Back after ending up in the same situation. Probable CTB soon

[junko]

I only made a few comments when I was here last, so it's unlikely anyone remembers me. I'm very grateful to find that my account is still here after a long absence.

I'm thinking I'll do what I tried last time. I've been lying to my therapist and every other mental health professional I've seen since I was here last. When they ask how long it's been since my last attempt, I say "a year."

lol. Hasn't even been that.

the only reason I failed last time was bc I made the mistake of leaving my bedroom. Survival instinct kicked in the second I neared my kitchen.

for now, I'm going to take way too many sleeping pills and will decide if I'm going through with it once I wake up. If I go through with it, it'll take a few days for me to CTB, so I'll be around.

Very grateful for this website and the awesome community it has.

 

[SVEN]

Be kind to yourself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best whatever you decide.

 

[junko]

Thank you for the kind words.

I can't handle the amount of time it'll take for my chosen method to work. I'll be testing other methods out tonight. Just tried a slipknot, but I can't get the fabric tight enough and attempting partial with it just made it mildly hard to breathe. Obviously I did it wrong.

(I had to teach myself how to tie my own shoes, so I'm not very good at tying anything, even with direction.)


I want out asap. If I can't find a better way to go, I'll have to choose options that are horrifically painful.