Avoiding hospitalization due to/in spite of mostly positive experiences?

[BandAddict]

Is anyone avoiding hospitalization due to or in spite of having mostly positive experiences?

I've been hospitalized 5 times, and I don't remember any particularly horrible things happening. I met interesting people, sometimes looked forward to group activities, felt like I was being taken care of for the most part and so on. Obviously I was in a really dark place during those times (like now), and sometimes there were sad things that happened or things that kinda scared me or made me paranoid, or one instance when a doctor seemed very apathetic and careless about how I felt, but it wasn't traumatizing to me. I feel like I've been fortunate in those regards.

This has somehow played a big part in why I don't want to be hospitalized again. I've been dancing around everything with caseworkers, therapists, etc., just to keep my ass out of the hospital because I don't want to be given that short stint of hope I've experienced after a couple of my stays. I don't want to feel tricked into thinking I might still have a chance, does that make sense? I also feel like a burden, or like I'd be wasting everyone's time and causing unneeded stress for my mom. Man... I don't know.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes!
After my failed attempt, I almost ended up in a psych ward but instead, I was in hospital for 1 month (even got covid there) and a "prisoner" in my parents' house for 5 months.

Now, I'm having some positive experiences but suicide will always be part of me.

However, obviously, my family doesn't know this and they even think I'm a pro-lifer now lol.

If I have any other failed attempt or get too depressed/"explode" again, I'll just be sectioned for a loooooooooooong time.

 

[BandAddict]

Yes!
After my failed attempt, I almost ended up in a psych ward but instead, I was in hospital for 1 month (even got covid there) and a "prisoner" in my parents' house for 5 months.

Now, I'm having some positive experiences but suicide will always be part of me.

However, obviously, my family doesn't know this and they even think I'm a pro-lifer now lol.

If I have any other failed attempt or get too depressed/"explode" again, I'll just be sectioned for a loooooooooooong time.

I guess I should have been more specific, I was referring to the psych ward! Lol

And yeah, that must have been nerve racking.

 

[WornOutLife]

I guess I should have been more specific, I was referring to the psych ward! Lol

And yeah, that must have been nerve racking.

Yes! I was referring to the psych ward too in my last part! I don't wanna be sectioned and end up in one! I know I will if I try to ctb or become a NEET again lol.

Edit: I see. You got some kind of hope. Yeah, it's generally a delusion!