I don't mean this pejoratively about this forum. Though I just got a weird feeling recently. I talked with some people in college. They talked about parties, enjoying life and dating experiences. I felt so alienated. As if we did not have any connection. Moreover I am like a really eager person. I study very hard despite the fact I am ill and I study less lectures than the average student. My OCD and other pathological behavior just make it impossible to study as fast as others. I am really vulnerable. I am often on the edge of getting ill. I have very strict routines and if I don't abide them I become ill. It would ruin my sleep rhythm if I went clubbing till 3 am. Damn I did not even watch the Champions League final because I was too scared about my sleep rhythm. If it is destroyed I am fucked. I must be extremely disciplined in order not to become ill. Even meeting a nice and beautiful woman can make me overthinking on an extreme level. It even led to psychotic symptoms.
My life experience is just so fucking different to most people (in my age). Maybe this is a reason why I feel comfortable in this forum. Many people know how it feels to struggle every single day.
I was kind of exhausted after all these real life social contacts. I really lack a lot of energy. Social contacts are extremely exhaustive for me. I now need a break. It is kind of insane how much social interactions can be a burden for me. When I am (hypo)manic I am quite the opposite. Hoenstly I feel like a completely different person when I am manic. There are without a doubt some advantages. But afterall I dislike being manic. The consequences for me would be probably deadly. Furthermore I am a control freak and being manic/psychotic is the opposite of that.
My life experience is just so fucking different to most people (in my age). Maybe this is a reason why I feel comfortable in this forum. Many people know how it feels to struggle every single day.
I was kind of exhausted after all these real life social contacts. I really lack a lot of energy. Social contacts are extremely exhaustive for me. I now need a break. It is kind of insane how much social interactions can be a burden for me. When I am (hypo)manic I am quite the opposite. Hoenstly I feel like a completely different person when I am manic. There are without a doubt some advantages. But afterall I dislike being manic. The consequences for me would be probably deadly. Furthermore I am a control freak and being manic/psychotic is the opposite of that.
