Autistic and mentally ill, feeling like a burden

[NeedCourage]

I'm autistic and mentally ill, I have had suicidal thoughts for years but they've really come back lately. I'm starting to really seriously consider suicide. I'm in my late twenties and haven't achieved really anything, and I feel like a huge burden on my parents because they have to help me with so much. Worse still, the combination of autism and anxiety I have makes me a danger to others, especially when I'm driving. My mother was helping me drive, and I made a stupid panic induced mistake that could have gotten her and even others on the road hurt... or worse. I don't think I'll ever be sucessful or live a normal life, as much as my parents try to encourage me and say I can, I don't believe it. I wonder if there is any way I can get better, or if it's time to just end it things before they get worse. I just worry I'll hurt my family, that's the main thing holding me back.

 

[man_in_red:)]

Just think about your future and chances of getting better. Is it very bright? Will you ever be truly happy with your conditions? I think you'll make up your mind once you do that just let it sit and don't let it rest.

 

[SpiderLink]

Do u have a doc u can talk to about this? Ik reaching out for help can be hard, but can be beneficial. (At least by me reading this it seems you don't have a professional to talk to)

 

[NeedCourage]

Do u have a doc u can talk to about this? Ik reaching out for help can be hard, but can be beneficial. (At least by me reading this it seems you don't have a professional to talk to)

I've talked to a few therapists before, in High School I was put in Inpatient and I've been scared of being sent back ever since because of the horror stories I've heard. I'm not sure a therapist could help me anyway.

Just think about your future and chances of getting better. Is it very bright? Will you ever be truly happy with your conditions? I think you'll make up your mind once you do that just let it sit and don't let it rest.

I'm not sure my future is very bright at this point... I feel like I wouldn't even deserve it if it was. I feel like a failure and I hate myself. Every time I do something good that I'm proud of or have a good day, I always screw up right after and then I don't even care any more. It just all feels hopeless, what's the point of trying to make my life better if I'll probably fail?

 

[SpiderLink]

It never hurts to try, Ik a lot of the stories can be ridiculous. I highly recommend checking out the reviews of inpatient in your area. Not all of them r as bad, I've been in the ward 3x, my experiences were okay, could've been better, couple of issues but other than that it was good. Patients were amazing I've made a couple of friends there, most (besides one person) of the staff was very understanding, empathetic and overall good people that generally cared. Ik it can be scary, trust me Ik, I basically said a bunch of stuff to an online friend and they reported it and the police came to my door, the scariest thing that ever happened to me, but I wouldn't be here today if she didn't do that. It's okay to ask for help and reach for it when u need it. It never hurts to try, not all professionals r going to be amazing, but if your looking for a professional in your community, again, I'd recommend checking out their reviews. I'm here if u want to talk, I have ADHD (Ik it's not autism but both r very similar)

 

[man_in_red:)]

It never hurts to give it one last try, not like you've got anything to loose but your reputation right?

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring being in that situation and it's very much understandable wishing to finally be free from all the suffering but anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens.