Autism & loneliness as a reason to CTB

[VoidBlessed]

Is this the case for anyone else here? I read that many people in Europe who get euthanasia are autistic and die essentially of loneliness. I distract myself from my real reason to CTB by thinking about all the ways the world is fucked (climate change etc.) but the truth is I'm just too lonely to keep living. A lifetime of rejection is all I've had and I'm so tired of being hurt.

 

[Siamese Believe]

Yes, those and being ugly and short.

 

[Liebestod]

I can relate I'm also autistic and lonely though those aren't my only reasons.

 

[heatnormal]

Is this the case for anyone else here? I read that many people in Europe who get euthanasia are autistic and die essentially of loneliness. I distract myself from my real reason to CTB by thinking about all the ways the world is fucked (climate change etc.) but the truth is I'm just too lonely to keep living. A lifetime of rejection is all I've had and I'm so tired of being hurt.

yeah. it feels like you're stuck in place, whilst everyone else moves at such a ridiculous speed that it's impossible to keep up. masking drains massive amounts of your mental capacity; and the only thing you want is to go home. i found comfort in the world wide web when i was younger, since social cues weren't expected as much. but now it seems like it has become an extension of the real world.

 

[VoidBlessed]

yeah. it feels like you're stuck in place, whilst everyone else moves at such a ridiculous speed that it's impossible to keep up. masking drains massive amounts of your mental capacity; and the only thing you want is to go home. i found comfort in the world wide web when i was younger, since social cues weren't expected as much. but now it seems like it has become an extension of the real world.

Because everyone else instinctively knows the rules of the game. They've passed Go and collected $200 a hundred times and we're still trying to figure out what everyone is even playing for. I don't hate them for it, but damn it hurts to see.

 

[orcapythia]

Yes. I believe there should be far more awareness about it.

 

[Lilithium]

Is this the case for anyone else here? I read that many people in Europe who get euthanasia are autistic and die essentially of loneliness. I distract myself from my real reason to CTB by thinking about all the ways the world is fucked (climate change etc.) but the truth is I'm just too lonely to keep living. A lifetime of rejection is all I've had and I'm so tired of being hurt.

I can relate. In my case, even when there's people in my life, I feel like I can never connect with them in any meaningful way. Almost every one of my friendships has been shallow, borderline trivial relationships, and whenever I've managed to open up to people, it usually leads to the relationship becoming distant. It's been even worse with romantic partners, and the end result is that I'm invariably alone.
The mind has a sick sense of humor, being alone is my biggest fear, yet it seems like I'm wired to avoid closeness to people.

 

[snow leopard]

Yes, that's some of the reasons for me too. I cope hoping that it will get better but if it gets completely unbearable it's SN time.

 

[failedmind]

yes, those are two of the reasons im choosing to ctb too. its such a struggle

 

[VoidBlessed]

I can relate. In my case, even when there's people in my life, I feel like I can never connect with them in any meaningful way. Almost every one of my friendships has been shallow, borderline trivial relationships, and whenever I've managed to open up to people, it usually leads to the relationship becoming distant. It's been even worse with romantic partners, and the end result is that I'm invariably alone.
The mind has a sick sense of humor, being alone is my biggest fear, yet it seems like I'm wired to avoid closeness to people.

You really hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what I experience too - a fundamental inability to connect with people. I keep trying to find connections and keep failing. I need to just accept it won't happen.

 

[Dark Moon]

Yep, that's one of the reasons for me to die. I read that autistic people die earlier than the rest of the population on average.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Autistic and aroace. I'm truly alone from the moment I was born until the day I die :)

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I didn't mind being lonely so much until I realized my social ineptitude renders me incapable of earning a decent living.

 

[DistraughtWolf]

What?

Getting approved for euthanization can't be that easy, I don't think anyone is getting qualified for it just by being autistic and lonely. Unless... you meant that these people that do get approved for other reasons just often happen to be autistic and lonely as well.

For me personally, I have way bigger problems (poverty for one...) than autism and loneliness to ctb. Autism definitely hasn't made anything easier in my life and i'm certain it's one of the reasons why this snowball has been getting bigger and bigger as time goes on.

 

[VoidBlessed]

I didn't mind being lonely so much until I realized my social ineptitude renders me incapable of earning a decent living.

This is also huge. The world runs on connections more than expertise, and if you give everyone the ick you have no chance.

 

[BrainSplatter]

It's beyond lonely I try so hard to keep my mask on but slowly the mask begins to crack and shatter each day a small piece falls and I pick it up and carry on but I can't function anymore I don't feel like a human anymore just robotic with no emotions completely numb days start to blur into one repeating the same mistakes but having so much awareness that I'm not like everybody else hurts but I survive another day and no one suspects that I'm neurodivergent I played the part so hard but eventually my mask it becomes so broken the it's no longer useful to anyone and all that's left is the part of me that I try so hard to keep at peace and protected but now my mask is broken now I can no longer live breathe in society I hide in my house until I make a new mask until I get the strength enough to wear it again and so the painful cycle repeats but soon that will change and yeah it's definitely added to my decision to CTB

 

[ICantFixThis]

omg this is so real, i'm feeling the same

 

[Lilithium]

You really hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what I experience too - a fundamental inability to connect with people. I keep trying to find connections and keep failing. I need to just accept it won't happen.

I don't think it's impossible, just extremely difficult, I have 1 person in my life whom I feel like I've developed a true, lasting connection with (who is, incidentally, also autistic). Unfortunately they are geographically far away, but it can happen. I guess the fact that I've been able to be that vulnerable with someone gives me hope that I can be vulnerable with others, even if it doesn't seem like it. I do often worry that they will eventually get tired of me, I worry that I may become codependent on them just like it happened in my romantic relationships, and I fear hurting them.

 

[february flyer]

This is part of it for me. I seem like a social butterfly on the outside, but all of my friendships are shallow and I feel replaceable and forgettable. I'd like to be important and close to people like so many allistics are with each other. It just seems like I can't get on the same frequency as anyone else no matter how much effort I put in. It's all so tiring, too. I always wonder how allistics do it.

 

[Spite]

Autism and loneliness are two of my biggest reasons for wanting to CTB. Life as a lonely, weird autistic loser is hell.

 

[BillyBob]

I only finally got diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult after struggling through my whole life and now I only interact with people once a week and just my family that is all. I normally just sit in my room alone all day or go for walks alone. Interacting with others is so draining. I do not mind being alone, but I will never amount to anything at all. Interacting with people is very hard to manage. No clue how people can do it with so ease.

 

[Oreki]

I only finally got diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult after struggling through my whole life and now I only interact with people once a week and just my family that is all. I normally just sit in my room alone all day or go for walks alone. Interacting with others is so draining. I do not mind being alone, but I will never amount to anything at all. Interacting with people is very hard to manage. No clue how people can do it with so ease.

Many people are just super draining. Being alone is comfortable, but it's not the real deal, and being with people isn't either.
I don't even enjoy to go for walks anymore

 

[BillyBob]

Many people are just super draining. Being alone is comfortable, but it's not the real deal, and being with people isn't either.
I don't even enjoy to go for walks anymore

Very true.
As for walks it is just a time filler. I do not enjoy anything any more after this crap life that I can barely function on any level.
The sooner I CTB the better.

 

[Defenestrator]

Autistic and feel like an alien too. So yeah, it's a big factor.

 

[VoidBlessed]

Autistic and feel like an alien too. So yeah, it's a big factor.

Me too. I don't know what I am, but my soul definitely wasn't supposed to end up in this body.

 

[Sphinxi]

I almost certainly would not be suicidal if I were not autistic. Autism, especially if you don't make friends at a young age, is detrimental to your quality of life. There will always be a wall between myself and the rest of the world