Discussion at what point did you feel that your life has collapsed?

[comfortingdeath]

I was already depressed since 2018, but in the middle of 2019 something really, really bad happened in my life. I guess since this event my life has ended, and i think in CTB everyday.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

When I realized looks is what is important for a woman and I was being verbally abused in middle school and high school for my looks. It collapsed there and it collapsed when my ex ruined my life years ago and used me and I was naive and abused alcohol since then. It's over for me too late

 

[MeltedJello]

When I graduated high school. I saw the reality of life and how much strength was needed to endure years of suffering. I'm a very weak person mentally, so I knew that I don't have what it took to survive. I have no more motivation to change things for myself. Just hopelessly waiting for the day I ctb.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

One of the worst feelings is the renewal of that realization. Anything that reminds me of how much of a fucking loser I am instantly makes me depressed. Life is a mockery of the incurable.

 

[Wastedlife]

my teenage years

 

[AaronHernandez]

September 27th 2018

 

[doesntevenmatter]

It started in my teenage years. Probably 16 or so. Came to a head in 2012. Things were bad until around 2019 which is when I just decided I needed to make a decision. End my misery or tough it out. Decided on toughing it out, and things honestly got better until maybe a couple of months ago. Now my life is literally spiraling out of control. Lots of fun.

 

[Flippy]

the irony of winning but losing at the same time

"Sometimes I think it's a sin
When I feel like I'm winning when I'm losing again

Sometimes I think it's a shame
When I get feeling better when I'm feeling no pain"
-- Gordon Lightfoot

 

[ScaredToLive]

When I was in LA when I was like 23 (I'm English) I had made friends with a guy that was on an MTV show at the time, it was awesome. The day I was due to fly back to England he was planning on taking me into the MTV offices to show me how it all worked. I think that was my chance right there, nothing really went well after that

 

[Bird up]

Psych ward when I wasn't even suicidal but was looking for therapy

 

[orangepotato]

When I realized looks is what is important for a woman and I was being verbally abused in middle school and high school for my looks. It collapsed there and it collapsed when my ex ruined my life years ago and used me and I was naive and abused alcohol since then. It's over for me too late

Hey, at least you were able to even be in a relationship. Try being an ugly guy. We don't get that luxury.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

Mom had financial problems when I was very little. She screamed. Said she wanted to die. I started to understand death as an end to a painful existence.

 

[veronique]

At 14 yo, 18 yo and 28yo.

Rosie, I apologise for sounding like an old lady which i am, but a lot of things can change in your life and i pray they change for better. there is a time to live and a time to depart and i hope you can still enjoy your life,

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

When I could no longer move forward with anything that made life enjoyable or meaningful. When I realised that all the pain I fought through, the addiction I overcame, the mental illness I battled through were all for nought.
Despite giving 110%, my body ultimately wouldn't let me win. I'll never know peace and enjoyment again.
The worst part is there was a time in my life where I wouldn't have traded it with anyone elses. The disappointment is indescribable.

 

[ScaredToLive]

Many many times, but as of yesterday I realized that my car is out of its MOT and I can't pay it. That's game over for me, the only enjoyable part of my life is scouting football and obvs I have to drive to do that. Will most likely at least attempt tomorrow night ( lottery win aside lol). Final straw basically. Game well and truly over

 

[anywherebuthere]

I never viewed life as a gift or amazing , even when I was little .. I've had a few good experiences but majority bad . Shit really hit the fan when I became an adult . This world is a joke & ive come to the conclusion that whenever shit is going well , something terrible is waiting around the corner . I want out of this cycle !

 

[Torschlusspanik]

Honestly, I have always felt, since my teenage years, that I was in every way unfit for life. Depression, anxiety, feelings you can't control.

Yet I'm stubborn, I've tried to keep going for so long. I even ended up getting in Med School, hoping to become a good psychiatrist so that no one, ever, could feel the way I do. A little naive of me, but whatever.

I think my breaking point came when I impulsively dropped out of college after a period of depression, from there on it was all a magnificent descent into hell. I've tried to leverage my stubbornness to do something else, but clearly I'm at the end of my rope. C'est la vie!

 

[Al Cappella]

Pretty much right after I started walking…

 

[gottago222]

when i could no longer control my mind

 

[Murasa]

Three years ago I was stuck in a place which has slowly drained me. But I think the breaking point was when my best friend died around that time, I didn't pay attention when I should have, I wasn't there when I was needed, I was notified that she committed suicide, my flaws blew up in my face, who mattered most to me died in misery and completely alone because I'm hopeless oblivious, I couldn't see what was happening and get her out from a situation that forced her to commit suicide.

It has been a bad streak, a few sucker punches in a row in addition to those two things, at this point I'm just tired, let me rest please, I've made enough irreversible mistakes in one life.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

Slowly over decades, observing that no matter how hard I tried I would never be able to adjust socially and do what is obvious to other people. Trying to meet new people professionally, manage simple relationships at work, or maintain friendships even online are all impossible, let alone finding a partner. I try to be kind but I come off as an arrogant know it all. I try to help people but I'm too enthusiastic and spook them. I try to make the people I care about laugh, and not only am I not funny but I offend them. I have heard people talking about me behind my back more times than I can remember. To my face I'm always being told that I'm fine and it's all in my imagination, it's just self esteem and if I tried a little more I would be just fine.

Nobody thinks they're a freak when they're born but one learns over time when being harassed relentlessly from elementary school into your 40s in the office. Yes, that is a thing. The people I thought were my friends along the way turned out to hate my guts, and my own family thinks I'm damn weird so we barely speak. I never fit in anywhere. I'm deliberately disinvited from social events/groups. I understand exactly why and don't even blame them anymore. I read a book on Asperger's a few years ago and it was a lightning bolt that illuminated the previous 25 years. It was me on every page.

Then all at once in one day, when I found out that the one exception in my life who I thought saw me, believed in me, understood me, and who had showed me great kindness turned on me to advance their own career (I mentored them for 5 years until they got promoted to my same title). I couldn't bear it. Was so despondent that I was committed, lost my job and my best friend. This after a successful career trajectory built on decades of working myself to death to compensate for my social issues. Haven't really left the house much for 3+ years since except for food. No idea why I wake up in the morning.

 

[gwanath]

May of 2022, when I got my last diagnosis. I had always longed for death, but I had never actually sought it out.

That's how I know I'll eventually go through with it.

 

[Shivali]

There was no point for me. It' s more like a lifetime process. The piont will be reached when I will ctb.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

A year ago outright. It was on its way for years previously but I was not aware.

 

[chloramine]

I think sometime around the ages of 11-13 when walking up became something to dread and be afraid of. The mental health stuff started before then, but that's when I went from being depressed to being desperate to die

 

[Grav]

Dec '86. Long story but I blew the only job I wanted and got because of my talents not; and the fucking it up was my decision. Since then it's been living a shell of a life. Had problems way before this but this was the award winner.

 

[charlotte_]

When I was a teenager. Even as a kid, I've been thinking really negatively. Thoughts like "I should've just died" appeared since then but I suppressed them. In my teenage years, I started to encounter more suicidal people and stress of school, relationships and future careers went overboard. Now idk if my life will go anywhere

 

[bigdog]

Shit I can't even talk about it. It was a complete disaster

 

[orca87]

It was one year ago. I realized I had lived inside of my own illusion for the 5 years before that. Then, I realized I literally lost everything that mattered to me.

 

[unnormal9]

I've always wanted to die, even as a child. I would say the peak point was 5 years ago.