At what age did everything go wrong?

[SuicidalSymphonies]

The age for me was 7, when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. No, it wasn't a death sentence but it heavily changed my childhood. This was also the same year my brother was born. I basically raised him for several years until his dad and my mother's marriage fell apart.

Now he lives in another province and no longer speaks with me. So things just gradually became worse because we were torn away from each other and type 1 diabetes also invites other autoimmune diseases into your life.

I felt things were bad at 7 and learned over the years how much worse it was when my life became increasingly bad.

What about you guys? When or why did you figure out that things started to go downhill and brought you to this decision?

I guess what I'm trying to say is "What started it all?"

~ H x

 

[Squiddy]

Things got bad when I was 14 due to bullying, but improved a year later and things were going okay til I hit 19 and since then, things have gone downhill (21 now)

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Things got bad when I was 14 due to bullying, but improved a year later and things were going okay til I hit 19 and since then, things have gone downhill (21 now)

Bullying just isn't okay. I used to get bullied badly for being an artist and I was a very timid and scared teenager. Still am as an adult. I've become so introverted because of everything that's happened.

It's been 15 years since I've been diabetic as of the 26th of Oct and I was in the hospital for diabetic reasons for it.

I'm sorry you've felt so much pain and judgement.. I am here if you need to talk. x

 

[CrushedHopes]

2011 was a major turning point in my life, due to being obsessed with a female classmate of mine. It changed my perspective on a lot of things. For the next 8 years, I would live my life as a narcissistic POS. But I never thought of offing myself (except for that impulsive attempt in 2016) - I had intended to continue living just like that - using and manipulating others for my own ends. In reality, I was actually very lonely and just wanted people to care for me.

When I was finally kicked out of the VA community less than 2 weeks ago, I had wanted to find ways to peacefully off myself - joining SS helped me with that. I am looking forward to getting all the SN materials so that I could exit.

 

[Squiddy]

Bullying just isn't okay. I used to get bullied badly for being an artist and I was a very timid and scared teenager. Still am as an adult. I've become so introverted because of everything that's happened.

It's been 15 years since I've been diabetic as of the 26th of Oct and I was in the hospital for diabetic reasons for it.

I'm sorry you've felt so much pain and judgement.. I am here if you need to talk. x

I know bullying isn't okay. I didn't have any friends then, but made friends when I switched schools and that's when things started to go okay. Now things have went downhill because of my brain fog, bipolar, anxiety and bpd

 

[metalchic_74]

43

 

[BrokenAngel8]

I would say in 2015/2016. I had abusive childhood but at least I was alive, with all the sparks, joy, dreams, and actual thrive to live. Then I enrolled to university with scholarship, which is sucks because it turns out I couldn't keep up with my major but I cannot withdrawn myself from the program or else I would lose the scholarship and wouldn't be able to even hold a degree. My dad also made a huge huge financial mistake 2-3 years prior, and my family situation were all messed up. 2015/2016 is around time when I couldn't keep up with life anymore, my mental health is going off the charts, and the damage is never to be repaired. If only I didn't beat myself too hard to try keep things together, if only I let myself having 'smaller loses', I think I wouldn't be here. Instead, I keep going on ignoring all red flags until it got me, and it got me good.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I know bullying isn't okay. I didn't have any friends then, but made friends when I switched schools and that's when things started to go okay. Now things have went downhill because of my brain fog, bipolar, anxiety and bpd

You deserve better, Squiddy hon..

 

[Lethe]

At about 23, depression and existential crisis hit pretty hard. I haven't really been able to recover from it, or see any purpose to continue living really. Everything just feels sort of pointless. Though nothing has actually "gone wrong", I live comfortably with my wealthy retired grandparents, and can probably continue to do so for the next 20 years or so. It just feels empty. Hormone replacement for my gender dysphoria hasn't impressed me much at all, and my GPA dipped below 3.0 so I can't get into grad school.

 

[WhiteDespair]

6th grade.

2011 was a major turning point in my life, due to being obsessed with a female classmate of mine. It changed my perspective on a lot of things. For the next 8 years, I would live my life as a narcissistic POS. But I never thought of offing myself (except for that impulsive attempt in 2016) - I had intended to continue living just like that - using and manipulating others for my own ends. In reality, I was actually very lonely and just wanted people to care for me.

When I was finally kicked out of the VA community less than 2 weeks ago, I had wanted to find ways to peacefully off myself - joining SS helped me with that. I am looking forward to getting all the SN materials so that I could exit.

I agree with what you said about narcissism and lonliness.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I would say in 2015/2016. I had abusive childhood but at least I was alive, with all the sparks, joy, dreams, and actual thrive to live. Then I enrolled to university with scholarship, which is sucks because it turns out I couldn't keep up with my major but I cannot withdrawn myself from the program or else I would lose the scholarship and wouldn't be able to even hold a degree. My dad also made a huge huge financial mistake 2-3 years prior, and my family situation were all messed up. 2015/2016 is around time when I couldn't keep up with life anymore, my mental health is going off the charts, and the damage is never to be repaired. If only I didn't beat myself too hard to try keep things together, if only I let myself having 'smaller loses', I think I wouldn't be here. Instead, I keep going on ignoring all red flags until it got me, and it got me good.

I'm so sorry... Man, it sounds like you had it rough as hell. You obviously deserve a better life, but life is not fair and its hell.. My best wishes to you in life or in death. xx

At about 23, depression and existential crisis hit pretty hard. I haven't really been able to recover from it, or see any purpose to continue living really. Everything just feels sort of pointless. Though nothing has actually "gone wrong", I live comfortably with my wealthy retired grandparents, and can probably continue to do so for the next 20 years or so. It just feels empty. Hormone replacement for my gender dysphoria hasn't impressed me much at all, and my GPA dipped below 3.0 so I can't get into grad school.

I wish I could hug you! Gender dysphoria is so GD hard. I went through it myself but never treated it and now I'm just GQ. School is hard. I haven't even finished HS because I spent so much time in the hospital.

 

[TAW122]

I can't remember an exact period in my life, but I could recall several moments in my life where things really sucked and pushed me to consider CTB. During childhood, I was different and home life was hell (to be fair, autism was not really talked about as much back in the 90's and as my parents were immigrants from East Asia, autism also wasn't really considered there), then during primary school, while at first I had some acquaintances, later during middle school and high school, I had fewer and fewer, (some pity pretend friends but those don't really 'count' as real relationships though) then coupled with a bad homelife and bullying (early high school), life sucked and I had seriously wished I was dead. Adult life was better in some ways, but still suck, but it's mostly due to how society is in general and also I don't ever talk about my problem anymore because people either dismiss them, downplay them, or just outright talk down to me and guilt/shame me. Fuck them, I'm just going to cope and try to lead a semi-hedonistic life (on my terms) until I get sick of life and/or something pushes me over the edge, then I'd CTB.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

21. When my nightmare started.

 

[mattwitt]

2 days after my 16th birthday.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I can't remember an exact period in my life, but I could recall several moments in my life where things really sucked and pushed me to consider CTB. During childhood, I was different and home life was hell (to be fair, autism was not really talked about as much back in the 90's and as my parents were immigrants from East Asia, autism also wasn't really considered there), then during primary school, while at first I had some acquaintances, later during middle school and high school, I had fewer and fewer, (some pity pretend friends but those don't really 'count' as real relationships though) then coupled with a bad homelife and bullying (early high school), life sucked and I had seriously wished I was dead. Adult life was better in some ways, but still suck, but it's mostly due to how society is in general and also I don't ever talk about my problem anymore because people either dismiss them, downplay them, or just outright talk down to me and guilt/shame me. Fuck them, I'm just going to cope and try to lead a semi-hedonistic life (on my terms) until I get sick of life and/or something pushes me over the edge, then I'd CTB.

I think it's reasonable the way you feel after all of that. I am sorry that your condition was never considered or even treated when it should have been. Hugs to you xx

21. When my nightmare started.

So sorry. So very young too. How old are you now?

2 days after my 16th birthday.

Oh my.. You were just a baby. I'm so sorry that it happened so soon for you. All my love.

 

[lymbo]

29 when l lnjured my lower back now 31 wlth the cronyc payn

 

[Final Escape]

Things started to get bad around age 10 although things were chaotic before that. By my 20's I was really worried thinking I was fucked. I knew I had some serious problems but I didn't know what was wrong. It was borderline personality disorder plus just being badly educated and neglected.

 

[BrokenAngel8]

Things started to get bad around age 10 although things were chaotic before that. By my 20's I was really worried thinking I was fucked. I knew I had some serious problems but I didn't know what was wrong. It was borderline personality disorder plus just being badly educated and neglected.

I'm sorry to hear you suffer from such a young age... how did you manage to survive all these extra years? You made your age visible, you've been around for quite a while and I'm glad you stays around for as much as you do.... hugs for you, I wish you well

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

29 when l lnjured my lower back now 31 wlth the cronyc payn

Chronic pain is hell. I'm so sorry... Does anything help at all?

Things started to get bad around age 10 although things were chaotic before that. By my 20's I was really worried thinking I was fucked. I knew I had some serious problems but I didn't know what was wrong. It was borderline personality disorder plus just being badly educated and neglected.

Wow, you've fought hard for some time.. I can see why you'd be exhausted at this point. I'm definitely ready to make like a tree and leaf.

 

[lymbo]

Chronic pain is hell. I'm so sorry... Does anything help at all?


Wow, you've fought hard for some time.. I can see why you'd be exhausted at this point. I'm definitely ready to make like a tree and leaf.

not really

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

not really

I can relate, for sure.... Chronic pain sufferer myself and nothing I've been given helps. My doctor now says he doesn't know what to do for me.

 

[lymbo]

I can relate, for sure.... Chronic pain sufferer myself and nothing I've been given helps. My doctor now says he doesn't know what to do for me.

dyd u try opyods? l never tryed

 

[Neurodamaged2]

2013 probably, so age 21. That's the year my parents forced me to start taking Zoloft. It slowly numbed me over time and gave me anhedonia and sexual side effects. Then came the adderall to offset the anhedonia that manifested in lack of focus at work, which over time fucked up my dopamine system. SSRI / amphetamine wrecking my serotonin / dopamine system led eventually to drinking nightly to combat the anhedonia then got into vaping. Last fall my system just 'gave up', blew too much of it away, now I'm numb to everything. Don't experience any happiness or emotions. Nothing means anything to me. I've got complete PSSD, cognitive difficulties, etc. Tried to commit suicide several times since December, failed every time. My mom fought to keep me going by putting me in psych wards which just made things worse. More drugs and some shock therapy later, and I'm just a shell. I don't even possess the will / focus / capability to do things I could do last year, like cook or drive. I want to want to commit suicide, if that makes sense, but the will just isn't there. I'm just so empty that even dying to end things before they get any worse is an unachievable goal.

 

[Astral316]

I was 10 years old when I gained excessive weight and became ostracized from my peers. I became more and more antisocial over time. Even after I lost the weight I was too damaged; unable to forge relationships be they romantic, platonic, or familial.

 

[Tortured_empath]

18. Brain injury.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

dyd u try opyods? l never tryed

Yes I have tried them.. Many different things.

 

[woxihuanni]

It'd be rather trite, but soon as I was conceived. Genetic lottery, family, location. Tempted to say cursed.

 

[AnxiouslyDepressed]

in 2017, when I was 17/18, when all the abuse from my childhood came to the surface.

 

[Neverod]

3, or when i started to be conscious about my surroundings. Bad family primarily, and then, 9 y/o, when my only support committed suicide.

 

[lymbo]

It'd be rather trite, but soon as I was conceived. Genetic lottery, family, location. Tempted to say cursed.

are u from shlt country lyke me?