FallingOut
New Member
- Mar 29, 2019
- 4
Even in my darkest hour i'll find humor by the title alone. I don't think i had a terrible life in the grand scheme of things. I never thought the one thing I sought after so badly would be
the thing that will put me in an early grave. I wanted to be with someone. I always have and I would do anything to make it happen. Even after tripping out on LSD to find my prior sleeping with my co worker on my birthday, I still thought maybe someone won't do that to me again. But that was only the tip of the iceberg I guess. A person with a troubled past. Someone who really did have it worse than me, who made poor choices of their own, looked my way. I said to her life doesn't have to be this way. Maybe we can make a better life together. I cried when I held her in my arms for the first time. Even still it felt so strange to love someone else but I wanted to try and move forward. But maybe something in her did not believe that not all men are twisted. Maybe thats why she chose to cheat on me behind my back, just like the last one. So i let her go. Only to bring her back again because just the thought of a child that was mine would enter the world without me there scared me to death. I wouldn't be like my father. Even if it ment staying in a relationship that would cause me pain.
Bringing her back in my life for this notion ruined my ties with my family. They warned me it was a lie. But i didn't care. I didn't care because even if it wasn't true I would have the chance to try again. I was that desperate to not be alone. And so as time passes I come to find out I will not be a father. I felt like I destroyed the world for nothing. I chose to stay. After all it is all i had now. I felt broken down, nothing like the man i used to be. I smoked a lot of weed to mask my true emotions. I tried to forget but the paranoia grew overtime. "When was it going to happen again?"
Im far away from home now, I took a job transfer and maybe start a new life. Even if it was going to only be me working. In that hell hole of a factory working seven days a week. As long as I didn't run out of my drug i'll be okay. I took her brother in for a time because I had pitty. But even then I was taken advantage of. Only I worked, all the bills in my name. All the debt.
If i tried to end it I would only be met with suicide threats and every time I would cave.
Im always alone even though its just us and now I know who she spends her time with online.
Its going to be an ironic ending.
the thing that will put me in an early grave. I wanted to be with someone. I always have and I would do anything to make it happen. Even after tripping out on LSD to find my prior sleeping with my co worker on my birthday, I still thought maybe someone won't do that to me again. But that was only the tip of the iceberg I guess. A person with a troubled past. Someone who really did have it worse than me, who made poor choices of their own, looked my way. I said to her life doesn't have to be this way. Maybe we can make a better life together. I cried when I held her in my arms for the first time. Even still it felt so strange to love someone else but I wanted to try and move forward. But maybe something in her did not believe that not all men are twisted. Maybe thats why she chose to cheat on me behind my back, just like the last one. So i let her go. Only to bring her back again because just the thought of a child that was mine would enter the world without me there scared me to death. I wouldn't be like my father. Even if it ment staying in a relationship that would cause me pain.
Bringing her back in my life for this notion ruined my ties with my family. They warned me it was a lie. But i didn't care. I didn't care because even if it wasn't true I would have the chance to try again. I was that desperate to not be alone. And so as time passes I come to find out I will not be a father. I felt like I destroyed the world for nothing. I chose to stay. After all it is all i had now. I felt broken down, nothing like the man i used to be. I smoked a lot of weed to mask my true emotions. I tried to forget but the paranoia grew overtime. "When was it going to happen again?"
Im far away from home now, I took a job transfer and maybe start a new life. Even if it was going to only be me working. In that hell hole of a factory working seven days a week. As long as I didn't run out of my drug i'll be okay. I took her brother in for a time because I had pitty. But even then I was taken advantage of. Only I worked, all the bills in my name. All the debt.
If i tried to end it I would only be met with suicide threats and every time I would cave.
Im always alone even though its just us and now I know who she spends her time with online.
Its going to be an ironic ending.
