Venting Asking for happiness is too much

[Aplev]

I came to this realization just now. All my life, I've been thinking: "I've never experienced happiness, or even content for that matter. But maybe that's because my demands are too high. Yeah, there might be hope for me!!". However, no matter how much I lower my standards, things always happen that make it not possible. It's that some of us are not meant to be happy, as sad and cruel as that sounds. I am not sure if it's karma or what, but it's just not possible. We try a new idea, it fails, we try a new method, it fails, we go to therapy, it fails, we try to form meaningful relationships with other people, it fails, etc. etc., the list goes on and on. Sure, maybe SOME things do work out. But it's just minimal things that while may bring some satisfaction and yeah it's good that they are there and without them I am pretty sure life would be even more upsetting and unbearable, well, it just doesn't bring happiness. It just makes this living hell a little bit, I don't know, less hellish? If even that anyway.

I mean, maybe at least we have work, for example. Or at least we have family. Or at least we have health. Or money. Or maybe some health, some money. It always depends on the comparison being made I guess. One may be poor in comparison to another person but rich in comparison to another. Same for health or family. One may not have any family friends to go to when life gets extra hard (as if daily life is not already hard enough), while another only has one maybe and another maybe two, but then another has a whole family, or maybe just one friend which is such a good friend. I don't know, but the point is, I want to be grateful for these things that I may have that others don't, I want to think that life was in some way fair to me, but when I think about it, it's just a way to cope with my daily pain and suffering. No, life is way too unfair to me. Whenever I try to do something that truly would make me happy, it fails. I can only have whatever this %$#% life has decided that I can have and that's it. Happiness is out of my reach.

I just asked this question: "is asking to be happy really asking for too much?". And sadly, I came to the conclusion that yes, for some of us, asking to be happy is really asking for too much. For whatever reason.

 

[lovelydeath]

asking for happiness IS too much. it truly is.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Happiness seems to be too much to ask of THIS life. I don't think anyone really achieves happiness. I mean, look at most people who seem to have it all. They commit suicide or just live in false happiness all their lives. I agree that some of us just aren't meant to be happy. That makes me hate life even more because I never asked to be here. Yet, something evil insisted that I be here. I've always maintained that if I could not have the life I want, then life won't be lived out by or through me. If there's something the universe needs done, it needs to do it, itself. Not through its creations.

What's worse is that the things I want are simple. I don't need to own everything. I just want to be unconditionally loved by a beautiful woman who I can spoil and show around the world. I would like a nice house in a community where I feel like I belong and they value me. I want worthwhile work that actually helps humanity progress in the true sense of the word. Not make their oppression and exploitation of each other more convenient. Maybe a big, dumb dog to run around in the yard. I want to live a meaningful life. The things I want seem to be just given to other people while I have to wish upon a star for it.

And I'm done asking life for that. Life can go fuck itself.

 

[Aplev]

Happiness seems to be too much to ask of THIS life. I don't think anyone really achieves happiness. I mean, look at most people who seem to have it all. They commit suicide or just live in false happiness all their lives. I agree that some of us just aren't meant to be happy. That makes me hate life even more because I never asked to be here. Yet, something evil insisted that I be here. I've always maintained that if I could not have the life I want, then life won't be lived out by or through me. If there's something the universe needs done, it needs to do it, itself. Not through its creations.

What's worse is that the things I want are simple. I don't need to own everything. I just want to be unconditionally loved by a beautiful woman who I can spoil and show around the world. I would like a nice house in a community where I feel like I belong and they value me. I want worthwhile work that actually helps humanity progress in the true sense of the word. Not make their oppression and exploitation of each other more convenient. Maybe a big, dumb dog to run around in the yard. I want to live a meaningful life. The things I want seem to be just given to other people while I have to wish upon a star for it.

And I'm done asking life for that. Life can go fuck itself.

This is exactly what I mean. You say "I don't think anyone really achieves happiness", which is something I thought about many times, but think about these things you want that are given to other people while you have to wish upon a star for it. I think they are fairly happy. And the people who commit suicide or just live in false happiness all their lives, they might be people just like us. They might have a lot of money or health or whatever but they are still sad inside. Want to know a fun fact? I've been always considered lucky and successful by many people. Now I don't make fortunes of money nor live in a mansion nor anything like that, but my point is, my post is not about appearances. It's about something deeper, more spiritual in a way. It's about some people may having little, or much, or not little but not much either, but still being unable to find happiness and TRYING to get it (this word is key, they TRY, they try REALLY HARD), yet they miserably fail over and over again, each time more frustrating than the last. I refuse to believe that all rich people are unable to find happiness. But that doesn't mean that every rich person is able to find happiness. Same goes for health, relationships, personal projects, home, hobbies, etc. etc.

 

[leavingsoon99]

This is exactly what I mean. You say "I don't think anyone really achieves happiness", which is something I thought about many times, but think about these things you want that are given to other people while you have to wish upon a star for it. I think they are fairly happy. And the people who commit suicide or just live in false happiness all their lives, they might be people just like us. They might have a lot of money or health or whatever but they are still sad inside. Want to know a fun fact? I've been always considered lucky and successful by many people. Now I don't make fortunes of money nor live in a mansion nor anything like that, but my point is, my post is not about appearances. It's about something deeper, more spiritual in a way. It's about some people may having little, or much, or not little but not much either, but still being unable to find happiness and TRYING to get it (this word is key, they TRY, they try REALLY HARD), yet they miserably fail over and over again, each time more frustrating than the last. I refuse to believe that all rich people are unable to find happiness. But that doesn't mean that every rich person is able to find happiness. Same goes for health, relationships, personal projects, home, hobbies, etc. etc.

I can rock with a little of what you're trying to say. Even on a spiritual level, happiness is rarely attained when one lives in such a negative or oppressed context. Western society (and philosophy, for that matter) is rooted mostly in Judeo-Christian values. In my time studying to be a minister, one of the deeply depressing aspects I came to realize early on in life is that this culture sees happiness as something to be pursued, but not necessarily "had." Even in the Bible, Jesus tells people more about hell than heaven. At the bottom of that is a psychology rooted in some type of negativity. And that could be influenced by a lot of things. So when I said, "I don't think anyone really achieves happiness...", it comes from that understanding I learned a long time ago. The original philosophy of this culture is rooted in an idea that suffering is default life. And that's not true. So, in a society which wants its people to think that way, then creates conditions that make that idea appear to be true, then the spirit is corrupted at that point. Because how can happiness be achieved when the characteristics of happiness are seen as negatives. Contentment is seen as laziness. Satisfaction is seen as complacency. So, when people ARE blessed with friendships and love, very few of them get to a point where they really, truly appreciate those things.

Just my perspective.

 

[Aplev]

I can rock with a little of what you're trying to say. Even on a spiritual level, happiness is rarely attained when one lives in such a negative or oppressed context. Western society (and philosophy, for that matter) is rooted mostly in Judeo-Christian values. In my time studying to be a minister, one of the deeply depressing aspects I came to realize early on in life is that this culture sees happiness as something to be pursued, but not necessarily "had." Even in the Bible, Jesus tells people more about hell than heaven. At the bottom of that is a psychology rooted in some type of negativity. And that could be influenced by a lot of things. So when I said, "I don't think anyone really achieves happiness...", it comes from that understanding I learned a long time ago. The original philosophy of this culture is rooted in an idea that suffering is default life. And that's not true. So, in a society which wants its people to think that way, then creates conditions that make that idea appear to be true, then the spirit is corrupted at that point. Because how can happiness be achieved when the characteristics of happiness are seen as negatives. Contentment is seen as laziness. Satisfaction is seen as complacency. So, when people ARE blessed with friendships and love, very few of them get to a point where they really, truly appreciate those things.

Just my perspective.

You know, it's interesting because the other I had a very similar talk. Someone was telling me how you are not owed anything (didn't say it explicitly but was most likely a pro-life... I usually don't like to discuss with such people and I am saddened to say I have, but oh well, I am human and sometimes I just want to sparkle some debate), and I heartily disagreed with that. I was saying that nothing is earned in this life. No one earns anything. You may think you have earned something because of your "hard work" (what is hard work anyway? Just being in the right place, at the right time, with the right resources, right skills, just the right words out of your mouth, the right body, the right face, the solution to a problem that someone really liked and gave you a promotion for but that it didn't for other people because it wasn't presented to the right person or simply because it didn't go in accordance with what was desired at that specific time? What is hard work? ok long parenthesis, closing here), but that doesn't mean that you "earned" it. Thinking that something is one way is one thing, that thing being that way is an entirely different thing. So if no one earns anything, then why do we "have" to pursue anything to begin with? Why can't we be happy with just what we have? Sure, you want to have more, you have to take that out of someone. For someone to win, someone has to lose. But why can't we just have everyone the same? Why can't we be just happy for the simple fact of being here with each other? Someone might say: "it's because this is natural selectivity, come on, look at the animal kingdom for example". Well yeah, but under that rationale, we should all just kill each other since that's what animals do. The thing is, we may be sophisticated animals as some say, but we are still more than that. That's what I believe in.

So yes, if you want high productivity, lots of money coming in etc. etc., you "probably" need to make someone lose, and lose big so someone can win big. But what if we forgot about money in the first place? Sure for some it sounds way too ideal. But why not? Why it couldn't work?

I don't think I could agree more with what you say about Judeo-Christian values. I myself was a christian before and pretty much a minister in a way (well I didn't give speeches in front of hundreds of people but I did give biblical studies to people, and studied A LOT to do that, so I can relate to what you say even if it's not exactly the same). Eventually I found out how actually little the Bible has of spirituality. I have my doubts on whether it was inspired or not, whatever, but I have so many reasons to believe it was written by human beings to fulfill society's desires at different times of mankind's life on Earth. What you say about Jesus teaching is just one of these many reasons. It is quite curious that there are so many passages of Jesus teaching about hell and yet so little about heaven, and also, it's quite curious to me that the times Jesus or any of his followers that wrote the books of the new testament talked about heaven, they always do in a sense of "heaven is a REWARD", like "heaven is NOT HELL", like "go to heaven SO you don't go to hell", like it's always a punishment-reward system made to enforce different behaviors on people. Brainwashing in other words. Just nothing to do with spirituality itself.

And yes, I also agree so much with you in that it is not true that suffering is default life (or at least, it doesn't have to, rather it is humans and more specifically those with the power to enforce behaviors on people that make it the default) and everything else you said after that.

I also want to say that I am captivated by what you said about "If there's something the universe needs done, it needs to do it, itself. Not through its creations.". I thought so many times about how the universe, an omniscient god or many gods or whatever spiritual unperceivable, unknowable force may be using us as tools to achieve some purpose , and you putting it in words that way gives me some kind of feelings of validation.

"I just want to be unconditionally loved by a beautiful woman who I can spoil and show around the world"

Oh yes this so much haha. Actually beautiful or ugly or average I don't mind. Right now I do think either is asking for too much though. But I feel ya.

"a community where I feel like I belong and they value me" --> Yup.

"I want worthwhile work that actually helps humanity progress in the true sense of the word. Not make their oppression and exploitation of each other more convenient" --> This so much too.

We may actually think the same and our differences are only semantic. Meaning you are saying 'happiness' thinking of one thing and I am saying 'happiness' thinking of another thing. Like, when I say happiness, I mean people smile and feel relatively content about their lives. They are not thinking about ending their lives, they do want to keep living, achieve their dreams, etc. etc. That's my concept of happiness. But like, if you mean what I'd call spiritual happiness, I agree with you that no one is that happy. But, at least somewhat happy. I mean, maybe it's not that much better, but based on what I see, it seems to be quite better. I have no idea really, but I think it's good food for thought.