Aren't birthdays just the worst? ^^

[sunbleachedflies]

I had my birthday yesterday (womp womp). I have always struggled with birthday blues since it constantly reminds me that I am still very much alive. Then yesterday, I realized that all my close friends do not remember that it was my birthday. I do not expect anyone to remember anyway, but if I am being completely honest, I felt conflicted. On one side, I am relieved that nobody made a huge deal out of it, but I was also slightly disappointed that none of my close friends remember or said anything about it. I know I do not want a huge fuss over this, so this feeling is absolutely confusing. The bright side of this, I did not get to cut any cakes or blow any candles. This might be the first time it doesn't happen. Usually, my parents would still get me a cake and do it. This might sound stupid, but I genuinely hope that breaking the "habit" on this birthday means I do not have to get through other birthday, ever again.

p.s. I genuinely thought that I would "grow out" of feeling suicidal. I think I am at the crossroad between finally fully commiting on my plan to ctb or seek help for recovery. I am not sure with what I want. The only reason I haven't done it is due to the tremendous guilt for my parents and family. I do not need anyone to be blaming themselves for my decision. And, in practicality, it is harder to find the right methods or obtain the resources to do it in where I live. But, I suppose if I do end up going through the ctb path, I'll simply find a way.

 

[DoubleUp8]

My next birthday would be 8-18-2024 at 8:08 pm eastern daylight time I would be exactly 70 years old. I am determined never to reach that date however I need to do it. Starting hunger strike now.

 

[okuhvtuji]

I had my birthday yesterday (womp womp). I have always struggled with birthday blues since it constantly reminds me that I am still very much alive. Then yesterday, I realized that all my close friends do not remember that it was my birthday. I do not expect anyone to remember anyway, but if I am being completely honest, I felt conflicted. On one side, I am relieved that nobody made a huge deal out of it, but I was also slightly disappointed that none of my close friends remember or said anything about it. I know I do not want a huge fuss over this, so this feeling is absolutely confusing. The bright side of this, I did not get to cut any cakes or blow any candles. This might be the first time it doesn't happen. Usually, my parents would still get me a cake and do it. This might sound stupid, but I genuinely hope that breaking the "habit" on this birthday means I do not have to get through other birthday, ever again.

p.s. I genuinely thought that I would "grow out" of feeling suicidal. I think I am at the crossroad between finally fully commiting on my plan to ctb or seek help for recovery. I am not sure with what I want. The only reason I haven't done it is due to the tremendous guilt for my parents and family. I do not need anyone to be blaming themselves for my decision. And, in practicality, it is harder to find the right methods or obtain the resources to do it in where I live. But, I suppose if I do end up going through the ctb path, I'll simply find a way.

I feel you, I don't expect ppl to remember my birthday, but there is one person who was born on the same day as me and they didn't remember it ._. I thought we were close friends. Anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY it's normal to have conflicting feelings, but I recently experienced that ppl really don't care about anything but themselves. I'm not delusional, it's the reason we have wars, I mean everybody is posting about Palestine but then they witness a minor injustice in their daily life and don't move a finger for other ppl. It's a society based on twitter reputation, there's no real empathy.