Are you lonely? Why?

[ATort]

The people I thought loved me, don't seem to care that much about my absence, and my I'm convinced my partner hates me and is only with me out of pitty, and ruined a chance with someone else recently that made me feel seen for who I really am, and could be up front with, and fucked that up by doing the opposite, upset my partner and them :/

 

[migimortis]

despite everything, i'm still so lonely somehow. i'm an extrovert though. im not ungrateful, but maybe i just need a lot of attention. sometimes growing up i would feel extremely lonely because i would see how close people were and i didnt have that since i was moving away every year. at some point as a young adult i did attain not loneliness, but that was rather short lived and ended when the friend group disbanded. ive cut off my entire family except for my brother, we love each other but we dont have a connection.

now i have a partner who i have a deep connection but we're long distance and he's an extremely busy person. only see each other every 1.5 months, when we're apart we exchange texts like twice a day, we call maybe 2 or 3 times a week. im extremely emotionally dependent on him though, he is the only person on this planet who i have a true connection with. he's my religion at this point. and i'm only alive because i love him so much i dont want to lose him, even if it's to sweet death. so the lack of communication really feels like a roller coaster of loneliness. when we're together i dont need anyone else in the world, and when we're apart i feel like i'm the only person in the world.

i have many many friends due to being a social butterfly, but none of them care about me that much it seems. i'd say only two of them ever actually reach out to me first. usually to go hang out after i post something vaguely suicidal on my instagram story lol, but it still means something i guess. nobody else ever initiates contact with me, i'm always the one who tries and tries and thinks of everyone else. when i go to anime conventions everyone knows my name, more people than i could ever remember, but none of them actually want to know me.

its like a tease. i have so so many friends and i see how much love they all have in their lives coming from their own friends who chose each other over and over again, and i never ever get to be a part of that or have a piece of it. i want that.
even online, my bf and my crush(im poly) have these friend groups online that always include them and hit them up and want to talk to them, and i have no one like that online. i just want more than one person to think of me even when im not reminding them about my immense despair. if my one person wasn't so busy or far away, then i'd probably be okay. i wouldn't need anyone else in the world.

I'm really sorry to hear this. How crippling. Even extroverts with active social lives are lonely. What's the point in socializing if we still end up feeling so alone?

 

[spring vainglory]

I'm really sorry to hear this. How crippling. Even extroverts with active social lives are lonely. What's the point in socializing if we still end up feeling so alone?

for me, i only havent given up on socializing because i need it. i function significantly worse when i haven't been social. and i feel significantly happier when i have been. but i do consider giving up in times of great despair. like whats the point, i'm lonely anyway. they dont deserve me anyway.
even if my friends dont show care and i feel unwanted, being around them and smiling and laughing with them takes the agony away. it literally feels like forgetting all my pain and why i was even hurting in the first place when i hang out with people who like me. at least for a short while. at the end of the day, i do love people. i love being around people who enjoy me even if its shallow enjoyment.

socializing works, but im so utterly lonely only because nobody truly loves me. well, one person does, if we were able to express and revel in our love as much as we wanted to i would be fine and i wouldn't need to socialize. i'm not lonely anymore when im with only him.

 

[migimortis]

Yes. I'm too autistic and socially inept to form bonds with anyone. It's impossible for me to communicate myself to others in a meaningful manner. I can't express even the most basic emotions (relief, pain, anger, gratitude,...) without coming off as weird or disingenuous. Every social interaction wears me down because I always have to think about wether I said something wrong or inappropriate.

It's funny that you mentioned Buddha, because I thought about the exact same thing before: telling your desciples to seek refuge within themselves and abandon all worldly desires is easy when you've already experienced the fulfillment of every desire knowm to man and always have a social circle to fall back on. Like a rich person telling you that money can't buy happines... I'd like to find that out for myself, thank you.

Same, I can never tell whether I'm being inappropriate or not, it causes me to be robotic in social situations because I'm always trying to calculate what to say instead of just saying what I truly feel.

People don't ever really say it, but the Buddha was a hypocrite. Your analogy is perfect and I'll probably start describing it that way from now on: The Buddha telling people to abandon worldly desires is literally a rich person telling you that money can't buy happiness. Easy for the rich person to say.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I'm lonely, I have a wonderful partner even though my paranoia makes it hard to believe, I don't really talk to anyone on a daily basis besides him, I can go weeks without talking to anyone besides him and coworkers. It's hard cause even when I'm with him I feel lonely like when he is on his phone and I just lay there next to him like a puppy waiting for attention. It's (paranoia and loneliness) gotten so bad I call out of work to the point I almost get fired just because I crave his attention something to ease the feeling, I'm afraid of finding something and be alone for the remainder of my life as it spirals downhill. He promises he loves me and he'll never leave me but why do I feel so alone even when he is right next to me

 

[Meteora]

Because I refuse to manipulate, cause I was lonely already as I child, because most people are too selfish and immature, because I m a complexe personality, I guess, and I hate it but cannot change it.

 

[migimortis]

I am. I wish I could find my soulmate.
A deep romantic relationship that keeps growing and evolving instead of withering away.
But I guess that most people don't find one.

I used to watch so many romance animes, listen to so many love songs, yet I've never experienced love. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life and it's my own fault.

 

[Toji]

mainly because i find comfort isolating myself and being alone, just to chill and not be bothered by anyone, sometimes it's nice to socialise but i can't hold conversations and just sit in silence. another reason would be that im terrified of hurting someone i care about or being hurt so i tend to push people away

 

[migimortis]

mainly because i find comfort isolating myself and being alone, just to chill and not be bothered by anyone, sometimes it's nice to socialise but i can't hold conversations and just sit in silence. another reason would be that im terrified of hurting someone i care about or being hurt so i tend to push people away

Why are you terrified of hurting people?

 

[migimortis]

It has been heartbreaking reading about how loneliness is affecting people and I actually feel so fake being here after reading all the comments above. Research indicates that loneliness is more dangerous than certain addictions, lack of sleep etc. I am autistic, have complex PTSD and a number of challenges including facing suicidal ideation including taking overdoses etc whist dissociated. However also lucky and privileged to be working, have a lovely family, volunteering and a group of friends - I struggle to be with people for long periods of time and I always feel extremely lonely. This is because I am seen as being an efficient, full functioning person to the world out there and the people I have reached out to for support with my complex issues (doctors, mental health team etc) have consistently managed to isolate me to the point that I no longer use the NHS service. So my understanding of the world is that I can never show the real me as the help.is not there (cannot afford private therapy or private treatment) and people only want to see the person whomis good at masking and hiding her challenges. It is probablybthis loneliness that will end my life.

Don't feel fake for being here, if you have dealt with suicidal ideation, your reasons are as valid as anyone else's. I'm curious, you say you struggle to be with people for long periods of time because of being seen as efficient etc. Are you saying you feel compelled to present yourself as more perfect than you are? Sorry if I'm wrong, but if so, why is that?

 

[touchingthevoid]

It saddens me to read others are going through this as well. The yearning for socialization never really goes away for me but when I am in a social setting I want to leave and be alone. A never ending cycle of suffering.

I can also relate to the FOMO feeling even though most of the world is fake.

 

[Kit1]

Don't feel fake for being here, if you have dealt with suicidal ideation, your reasons are as valid as anyone else's. I'm curious, you say you struggle to be with people for long periods of time because of being seen as efficient etc. Are you saying you feel compelled to present yourself as more perfect than you are? Sorry if I'm wrong, but if so, why is that?

I am not sure. I think there are several reasons for this.

1. I genuinely want to be able to help others and my paid work, voluntary and charitable work as well as when people just reach out to me during their times of need means that I spend quite a lot of time helping people and I genuinely love doing this. However once the person's needs are met, I actually struggle to carry on with the conversation. I am autistic and that might be a reason as well - I find small talk etc exhausting and need time away alone so as not to get extremely depressed.

2. I dissociate a lot (complex PTSD) and can dissociate at more that one level including depersonalisation. In essence, I can communicate with people and they might not realise that I am not totally there as I have been doing this since before the age of 5 - initially did this to survive extreme child abuse and have carried on with this without being able to stop it. In one sense it is useful ad if something extremely traumatic is to unfold, I will be able to deal with it and walk away - but essentially I have dissociated to cope then and there. But this does take a lot out of me afterwards.

It is not all bad. I am grateful for life could have been so much worse and given where I came from (in terms of a disastrous childhood, homelessness as a teenager, abandonmentbat birth etc), my adultv life has been one where I managed to get myself an education, a job that I love as it involves being able to help people whonare extremely vulnerable, have children I love - but what people see is someone who is functional and the reality is that everyday I struggle to stay alive and every interaction (away from this forum and what used to be therapy), I smile to make people feel better and the loneliness in a crowd is just isolating.

 

[blacksorrow]

yea, i miss my friend

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm lonely because, well, I never made a single irl friend or acquaintance during my entire life, even at school. I mean, isn't that literally the definition of loneliness? Having nobody at all? Of course I live with family but, even then, I don't talk to them that much. I just stay isolated in my room all day when I'm not going to university and that's it really. I don't really know as to whether this loneliness hurts anymore or not

 

[migimortis]

I'm lonely because, well, I never made a single irl friend or acquaintance during my entire life, even at school. I mean, isn't that literally the definition of loneliness? Having nobody at all? Of course I live with family but, even then, I don't talk to them that much. I just stay isolated in my room all day when I'm not going to university and that's it really. I don't really know as to whether this loneliness hurts anymore or not

Same, I don't even feel like I exist sometimes because I basically spend 24/7 alone with my own thoughts, in my own head. I may as well be stuck in a dream, what's the difference? No one knows I exist anyway?

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Yes. I'm too autistic and socially inept to form bonds with anyone. It's impossible for me to communicate myself to others in a meaningful manner. I can't express even the most basic emotions (relief, pain, anger, gratitude,...) without coming off as weird or disingenuous. Every social interaction wears me down because I always have to think about wether I said something wrong or inappropriate.

Ding ding ding. Autism loneliness is crippling. When I got the diagnosis was the time to tell us about SI but I guess they don't really care if we die.

I have no friends - one person I worked with but with him it's maybe once every 4 months. But I spend days just by myself - i feel they would only notice me gone if the landlord came buy. The one person who helped walked out my life today and was abusive and insulting essentially calling me a retard.

I don't think i will ever be able to make friends. maybe at a meetup here. I dont know or care.

 

[Toji]

Why are you terrified of hurting people?

i've had outbursts where i've either physically or emotionally hurt someone, they were all kind and genuine people who tried to help me and never deserved it, so i'm just afraid i'll do it again to anyone i get close to

 

[ThymeToLeave]

Yes, I'm lonely because I'm unsociable, uninteresting, unattractive and just all-around unworthy of being around people.

 

[looksminnedautist]

Current female hypergamy is why. Zoomer women only want neurotypical, tall chad.
People in general, not just women, avoid me like the plague and i can never make friends because of the way i look and my poor social skills. This world is cruel

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Personally no.

I have absolutely no one in my life.
I cannot socialise to save myself, i understand what the idea is.

In truth its just so fucking boring, i like down to business fuck off with your small talk pish please.

I dont get nervous in silence, i just dont, yet others get all weird when it happens.

I couldn't be that programmed man