Are you ever happy?

[brokensea]

I never really ever feel happy. There was a moment last month, I had a positive pregnancy test and for a few seconds I felt actual happiness for the first time in two years and then I thought no I shouldn't get to happy next test was negative. Week later negative. Wasn't pregnant. Was god just having another laugh at my expense.

 

[Suicidе]

Happy is delusion

 

[OverSoon]

I haven't been happy in a long time, all though I try to seem happy around other people, I hate being fake and acting like I'm something I'm not

 

[rainysummer]

yes often but only because of drugs and/or dissociation so it never lasts

 

[LucieInTheDark]

Drugs, friends, entertainment. I'm relatively happy, but it won't last. I'm afraid of when the next wave of pain will hit my weak soul

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm amazed by how many people are sometimes/occasionally happy or who have been happy fairly recently. I hope you find a way to maximise that. I personally believe suicide is for the longterm miserable, but then I am not as staunchly pro choice as some other people. I wish you all the best xx

 

[spacegirl]

im not sure what happy means but there are those moments when i eat a good meal and i feel very satisfied and comforted. unfortunately that costs money though and i often feel hungry

 

[AliceTheGoon]

The last time I was happy was 11/13/21. The week prior my degenerative condition had begun and I started the day with anxiety, but that evening I thought the worst was over. I was wrong, the worst was yet to come and it arrived several days later. I had two remissions in the following weeks that lasted several hours so while I don't remember what happy feels like I know that it involves chemical reward paths that I no longer have.

 

[Hope:-)]

The last time I was happy was 11/13/21. The week prior my degenerative condition had begun and I started the day with anxiety, but that evening I thought the worst was over. I was wrong, the worst was yet to come and it arrived several days later. I had two remissions in the following weeks that lasted several hours so while I don't remember what happy feels like I know that it involves chemical reward paths that I no longer have.

I'm sorry to hear that. I have a degenerative condition also although mine may not be as bad. It is not the sole reason that I am ctb but it is a contributor.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

There may be something that evokes a moment of happiness but as soon as the feeling hits it brings me back to the reality of life

 

[home]

Yes, absolutely. This morning, sitting in the surprisingly balmy autumn sun in the garden with the weekend newspaper and a coffee - pure happiness. Having a toast with Nutella later for dinner - made me very happy. Discovering a new piece of music: happy. These are moments of happiness. Life is a string of moments.

Happiness is something that occurs in moments. Certainly there is no everlasting, constant happiness, though. In that sense, the modern hunt for happiness is completely misguided and - I firmly believe - a big reason for many people actually being unhappy. Because there is the promise that you only have to chase after happiness long and hard enough and you will find it. But that is unattainable.

I agree, happiness is a passing guest that comes in the little things. Petting a cute stray cat, finding a flower growing out of the sidewalk, treating yourself to a pastry from a new cafe.

 

[StolenLife]

Last time I was happy was sometime before I turned 12, it feels like a long time ago. Last time I was hopeful and fairly optimistic about my life was in summer of 2019 before life hit the point of no return both for me personally and seemingly for the world at large. Last three years have been brutal and I can't deal with it anymore.

 

[emgrl]

That was shared with me, and I truly laughed! Those times are very few for the past few months

 

[erzsebet bathory]

I try to stay unhappy. I choose to walk the path of sadness. Happiness don't feel right to me. Melancholy is my medicine

 

[home]

I'm amazed by how many people are sometimes/occasionally happy or who have been happy fairly recently. I hope you find a way to maximise that. I personally believe suicide is for the longterm miserable, but then I am not as staunchly pro choice as some other people. I wish you all the best xx

You dont have to be devoid of happiness to want to die. The despair just has to outweigh what little happiness you have.

But yes, in general that does also involve being miserable longterm.

 

[ManicPanic2018]

I still get happy from time to time, but it feels like a distraction from the soul crushing nature of my situation. I don't mind it as long as it doesn't get to be too much. I'd rather spend my last few weeks happy than not. But don't want it fucking up any of my plans.

 

[makethepainstop]

I'm not sure. I have heard of this "happiness", is it something I pretend to be everyday? I may have experienced it, or been a victim of it.

 

[Alabama_death]

Yes. Every time I remember that in October my suffering will be over finally

 

[Hangnail]

Are you?

I hate to say it, but yeah. My bf still loves me (for now) and I have a lot of online friends who do not know about my disfigurement yet, who I game with. But I know my e-friends will ditch me once they found out I've lost my attractiveness, or at least care about me less.

 

[Hope:-)]

I hate to say it, but yeah. My bf still loves me (for now) and I have a lot of online friends who do not know about my disfigurement yet, who I game with. But I know my e-friends will ditch me once they found out I've lost my attractiveness, or at least care about me less.

I'm happy you're happy! I want as many people to be as happy as possible.x

 

[rhysion]

Sometimes I am, and i try to forget about the negative and savor it while it lasts, try to imprint it in my memories, but it seems like i always come back to a point of drowning. Happiness is a fleeting state while my default is a humans natural reaction to repeated chronic trauma and hopeless situations.

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

I do feel alright occasionally, but I haven't felt true happiness for 5-6 years.

 

[Hangnail]

I'm happy you're happy! I want as many people to be as happy as possible.x

Thank you. I'm not meaning to brag or anything, I'm not happy all of the time. xD Just sometimes when I forget my real life situation. It makes me hesitate to CTB but then I remember that my life is doomed anyway in the long term. I can't hide my disfigurement forever.

 

[clown_17]

yeah, and that's the problem. The small joys I feel are enough to bring my hopes up, only for the rest of my life to crush it down. I believe the idea that you cant experience happiness without experiencing sadness (and vice versa). It's because Ive felt joy and love that Im in such a deep despair. Its because I know what im missing. Thats why I want to die.

This is exactly how I feel. I haven't felt happiness in years and it's so frustrating. It both makes me miserable at the thought that I'll probably never feel it again, and it also prolongs my suffering by making me hold onto hope when I'm thinking of catching the bus

 

[mojabaka]

nope, not since 15 months.

 

[Enoughnow]

No never
I've gotten good at hiding how suicidal I am last couple of years ever since I realised nobody actually gives a fuck or listens anyway
But no I'm never happy
The only time I feel my mood lift just a little is when i think I'm gonna be brave enough to ctb that night
Hopefully I will fight si tonight and go through with it
I'm at my absolute limit I'm totally done

 

[ukket]

these days? not in the slightest, just don't feel happy about anything at all... Job, friends, life etc.. hence looking for a way out.

 

[absurd_to_the_end]

I'm not happy at all, and I'm getting tired of having to fake it.

 

[Autumn11]

No, I'm mostly unsettled

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Never.