Help Are you ever fully ready?

[AnonymousL]

Do you think there's a point when you're fully ready to go? SI will always kick in right? So it's very hard to know..

 

[zixd]

not ready yet , but ready to get ready anytime and auto-distroy myself to get into the psych mental phase to die

 

[Lo$t95]

Do you think there's a point when you're fully ready to go? SI will always kick in right? So it's very hard to know..

Probably never 100% because we are programmed to survive and reproduce ~ so I feel like the night when the thought of living another day feels more painful than CTB is the closest we can get to being "ready".

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd personally always prefer to not exist no matter what than suffer in this torturous existence just to die in agony from old age, simply just existing is enough to make me wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep which is why I see so much cruelty in how painless guaranteed death is so harmfully denied for me. If I had the option of a death like never waking ever again with no more pain and suffering then I'd be so ready to be at peace, I see existence as the most cruel, futile burden that just causes harm and suffering and I'll only be at peace once I'm unconscious for all eternity, for me only non-existence could ever be positive, it's all I hope and wish for.

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

when I was younger, when my plan was more of a theory, something I would fantasize about, but that seemed so far away, I would have said that nothing would have stopped me, that I could turn that part of my brain off, and just go through with it. however as my plan has gotten closer and I'm am beginning to take the steps needed to set it up, it has sort have become so real, no longer just a sort of what if? It is now something that Is close, that has changed the way I look at it, I have a lot more anxieties around it now, I used to be able to disregard all of the possible failures that might arise from my plan, but now I have been forced to recognise them.

I never second guess my plan, but I now have some prior non-existent worries about it, as it has gotten closer, and become so much more real. Maybe I wasn't as ready and mentally prepared as I thought I had spent years "Training" myself to me.

I suppose most of it is just the values I was raised with kicking in and trying to prevent me from going through with it, but still, It has certainly shaken me a little bit.

 

[gothbird]

I think "fully ready" is a myth.

There's no magical moment where your body stops resisting or where the fear disappears completely. SI is just evolution doing its job. The brain is hardwired to protect itself, even when the conscious mind is done. It'll kick in whether you're 80% sure or 100%.
What changes over time isn't the absence of SI, it's your relationship to it. Some people learn to sit with it. To expect the adrenaline. To breathe through the shaking. It becomes just another variable.
So no, there may never be a "fully ready" that feels perfect. But there can be a kind of clarity. A readiness that says: I've thought this through. I've grieved it. I've planned it. And I accept what comes, even if part of me tries to flinch away.

If you're waiting for zero fear, you'll be waiting forever. But if you've hit that place where the fear doesn't change the outcome—then maybe you're as ready as you'll ever be.

 

[ventingfrustrations]

Yeah

 

[SolitudeMan]

No but you can push through it.

 

[Forveleth]

I think SI is always going to be there a bit. You can not override one of the deepest parts of your brain very easily. That being said, at both of my attempts, I felt very ready. No conscious fear, only a calm determination to not wake up.

 

[AnonymousL]

I'd personally always prefer to not exist no matter what than suffer in this torturous existence just to die in agony from old age, simply just existing is enough to make me wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep which is why I see so much cruelty in how painless guaranteed death is so harmfully denied for me. If I had the option of a death like never waking ever again with no more pain and suffering then I'd be so ready to be at peace, I see existence as the most cruel, futile burden that just causes harm and suffering and I'll only be at peace once I'm unconscious for all eternity, for me only non-existence could ever be positive, it's all I hope and wish for.

I hope this is not too personal to ask and if it is , please ignore me but I have been here for a while now and I have seen a lot of your posts. It's devestating cause I can see the pain you are going through by being on this planet. And then I just wonder.. what is the reason you're still here. You seem so extremely ready for it. Is it lack of resources ? Genuinely curious. English is not my mother language so I'm sorry if this comes across as rude or anything not genuine cause that's really not my intention.

I think "fully ready" is a myth.

There's no magical moment where your body stops resisting or where the fear disappears completely. SI is just evolution doing its job. The brain is hardwired to protect itself, even when the conscious mind is done. It'll kick in whether you're 80% sure or 100%.
What changes over time isn't the absence of SI, it's your relationship to it. Some people learn to sit with it. To expect the adrenaline. To breathe through the shaking. It becomes just another variable.
So no, there may never be a "fully ready" that feels perfect. But there can be a kind of clarity. A readiness that says: I've thought this through. I've grieved it. I've planned it. And I accept what comes, even if part of me tries to flinch away.

If you're waiting for zero fear, you'll be waiting forever. But if you've hit that place where the fear doesn't change the outcome—then maybe you're as ready as you'll ever be.

This is very clear and well said ! Thank you

 

[berriesncreame]

tbh I've been trying to ctb since Feb 2024 and most of the time I postpone it I'm still here I tried a couple of times but failed.
Survival instinct is too strong in average human beings maybe if their was an easier peaceful way. we are just hard wired to survive in a dog eat dog world. when I feel comfortable I slack but when my life is getting tough I want to end it immediately. I'm still planning tho.

 

[deleteduser853695]

Yes, you can be completely ready. I felt completely ready a few nights ago. My SI completely disappeared and I took all my supplies to the basement to CTB without any hesitation. The only thing I was nervous about was my parents finding me too soon. I didn't feel any fear, regret, sadness, "I wish I'd had a chance to do ___ or visit ___," none of that. I was completely ready.

So why am I still here? Because the stuff I was using to kill myself ended up being fake when tested (I very quickly tested them right before I was about to down them, and thank goodness I did), so if I'd swallowed the stuff, I wouldn't die anyway. If the test had been positive, I'd have downed them without another thought and hopefully I wouldn't be here now.

I'm now waiting on new supplies of the stuff, but from a different seller. If the new stuff is legit, I'm CTBing as soon as my parents are asleep. I still feel completely ready, and there's not a single thing holding me back from CTB besides not actually having the stuff to CTB with. I have no SI anymore or anything to live for, anything I still want to do. I only have a fear of being found too soon and sent to a psych ward.

There have been other threads in the past as well from people saying they feel so at peace with their decision that their SI disappeared. It is possible for some, and there's no shame whether you feel that way or don't. SI is not anything to be ashamed of, it's millions of years of evolution for crying out loud. But some people do end up losing their SI after long enough.​

 

[AnonymousL]

Yes, you can be completely ready. I felt completely ready a few nights ago. My SI completely disappeared and I took all my supplies to the basement to CTB without any hesitation. The only thing I was nervous about was my parents finding me too soon. I didn't feel any fear, regret, sadness, "I wish I'd had a chance to do ___ or visit ___," none of that. I was completely ready.

So why am I still here? Because the stuff I was using to kill myself ended up being fake when tested (I very quickly tested them right before I was about to down them, and thank goodness I did), so if I'd swallowed the stuff, I wouldn't die anyway. If the test had been positive, I'd have downed them without another thought and hopefully I wouldn't be here now.

I'm now waiting on new supplies of the stuff, but from a different seller. If the new stuff is legit, I'm CTBing as soon as my parents are asleep. I still feel completely ready, and there's not a single thing holding me back from CTB besides not actually having the stuff to CTB with. I have no SI anymore or anything to live for, anything I still want to do. I only have a fear of being found too soon and sent to a psych ward.

There have been other threads in the past as well from people saying they feel so at peace with their decision that their SI disappeared. It is possible for some, and there's no shame whether you feel that way or don't. SI is not anything to be ashamed of, it's millions of years of evolution for crying out loud. But some people do end up losing their SI after long enough.​

Im sorry things didn't go as expected.

See the issue is, I had this one moment a year ago where I felt so extremely at peace and ready to go. The issue was , I was with family in a different country so I didn't have my stuff with me.

I never felt so at peace with the decision before and I haven't felt it again.

Im scared this won't ever happen again... and that I will be forever stuck on earth

 

[deleteduser853695]

Im sorry things didn't go as expected.

See the issue is, I had this one moment a year ago where I felt so extremely at peace and ready to go. The issue was , I was with family in a different country so I didn't have my stuff with me.

I never felt so at peace with the decision before and I haven't felt it again.

Im scared this won't ever happen again... and that I will be forever stuck on earth

That sounds awful, to be waiting for a feeling that you're not sure will ever come again. I hope things get easier for you - it sounds miserable to just have to wait for something that's out of your control, and to have your suffering prolonged because of that.

 

[pappapgold]

I've been ready for months, two failed attempts due to me not following the protocol given. Then there's do i have enough time to get it done without someone finding. Now that temporary roommates are gone and I'm alone.

Fear has kicked in a few times. SI does suck and keeps you doing what you want.

With my method I chose i can have some drinks before I do it. Get nice and loose.

I practice putting the bag on and getting everything set right. I leave the bag on with air in it for a while so it doesn't set SI of during the moment.

Training your body to do certain things will lessen the SI from kicking in. You're training your brain to treat it as a natural thing that's OK.