yeah, I guess I've just been in this state for so long that I am used to it so even when I do get bitter once in a while I don't even notice it. I remember trying the dating scene for a short while after my divorce with my wife but after having a lot of success getting dates I scared women off because I just had zero ambition and didn't care about things like their favorite music, movies, or books because all of that feels superficial. I lucked out on the genetic lottery and am still a good talker but I just put people down over trivial things without even realizing it.
Then again, I'm 34 so I have been through a lot and if I let every small thing affect me I would probably end up in a mental institution with no freedom which is worse than death so I embraced nihilistic tendencies to keep myself level-headed so as to not make mistakes.
Because in the past I was a very rash and confrontational individual and spending a seventh time in jail (or worse, institutionalized) would interfere with my freedom of choice. And freedom of choice is the most important freedom a person can have.
