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Deleted member 19654
Working towards recovery.
- Jul 9, 2020
- 1,627
Sometimes I think it's a case of wanting to die but not being able to due to ctb method whether it's being unable to buy certain substances or not being successful with hanging. And sometimes it takes courage to go through with it. I've backed out a few times already.
catscradle
Now I will destroy the whole world
- Jul 10, 2020
- 85
I'm not ready, I don't know if I'll ever be, but I want to consistently and it's so hard to find a place that says it's okay to feel like this and doesn't give me fake false niceties
Hey me too. 6 years ago when I was 24. The most I would make it now would be 2 years for life insurance payout to family members and anti-natalist related charities (reducing average birth rate).
I used to not believe in SN. Most of when I would think about suicide all the time, I'd be too tired, ill feeling to get out of bed, except for food (eating once a day) and bathroom, and my preferred method was train. Because I was afraid of surviving other attempts and ending up in locked in syndrome. Too depressed to make it to the train tracks and didn't want to take my mom's vehicle to do it, but too depressed to that too.
I used to not believe in SN. Most of when I would think about suicide all the time, I'd be too tired, ill feeling to get out of bed, except for food (eating once a day) and bathroom, and my preferred method was train. Because I was afraid of surviving other attempts and ending up in locked in syndrome. Too depressed to make it to the train tracks and didn't want to take my mom's vehicle to do it, but too depressed to that too.
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Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
I'm already dead, I just haunt this forum now.
I am. I have a date for a week from now. I've attempted before. I'm ready to leave as soon as I can.
Stavrogin
If God not be, then this world dies with me
- Jul 1, 2020
- 201
Most people who visit this site will not die from ctb, very few fishes will slip through the net of the survival instinct.
Thinking
Specialist
- Jul 9, 2020
- 310
I feel the same way. And I also feel like my wanting to die doesn't count if I don't carry through with it. Idk if that's normal or not...?
We really should though at some point. Unless you're lucky enough to die of natural causes before you get dementia and in a relatively short period of time (less than a few months).
Who By Very Slow Decay
[Trigger warning: Death, pain, suffering, sadness] I. Some people, having completed the traditional forms of empty speculation – “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, “…
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How can you have been a lurker for that long and not know what SN is?
There are many members who ctbed. Also this is not a competition about who ctb first. Everyone has different circumstances.
i can't claim to be ready to die by my own hands only that if i was to die naturally in the near future and was aware of it i would accept it because i have had nothing but time to think over the human condition and while it's better to never have existed the next best thing is a painless end.
Incorrigible77777
I was born human and I'm sorry for that. ——太宰 治
- Jul 9, 2020
- 229
I'm already dead, and I'm just waiting to be buried.
s3gfault
No Brain No Pain
- Jun 29, 2020
- 114
I'm not ready at the moment but I am preparing, and this forum helped a lot in formulating a method and making sure it's airtight. Now while I'm waiting it's just a place I can talk with like-minded people, maybe help a few, maybe not. It seems to be filled with some very intelligent and kind souls who have a lot to offer in terms of wisdom. I think the "react" and "bell" features keep me coming back as well the same way as Facebook... we're all narcissists to some extent (especially in the digital age) and love to get a little bit of attention.
Green Destiny
Life isn't worth the trouble.
- Nov 16, 2019
- 881
For me it's a matter of obtaining the means to CTB first. Then should the need arise I'll have the option to leave if I wish.
Torbasco
Member
- Jun 10, 2020
- 87
I've genuinely attempted several times recently, I feel like I definitely am. I'm just waiting for materials to arrive so I can CTB with SN
AlreadyGone
Taking it day by day
- Jan 11, 2020
- 917
I am ready. I recently decided to switch methods from SN and is trying to obtain N. I just need to save up the money since I owed so much in taxes.
Weightoftheworld
Let me burn.
- Apr 19, 2020
- 258
Every single day. I'm not afraid to die, in fact I would welcome it. However, it would take extremes for me to CTB as I have children who need and love me. I see it as - I brought them into this world, so I cannot leave them alone in it, so I'll suffer for them.
Ardesevent
It’s the end of the line, cowboy
- Feb 2, 2020
- 358
I'm ready, but I haven't gotten lucky with attempts yet.
From the few polls I've seen on here, the majority of the members on here are around 20-40. Younger members = more resilient bodies=more unsuccessful attempts. Doesn't help that chances of an attempt succeeding are already pretty slim.
From the few polls I've seen on here, the majority of the members on here are around 20-40. Younger members = more resilient bodies=more unsuccessful attempts. Doesn't help that chances of an attempt succeeding are already pretty slim.
I've known for awhile I am going to go by my own hands, it's just taken some time to be certain when and how. I am going to CTB at the beginning of August. It's really hard waiting until then, but I have a trip at the end of July. To add on to your point: I've been here since the days of reddit too and it's taken me this long to really get a plan set and in motion. There was a previous attempt, but I was feeling uneasy and went to the hospital. Now I really feel certain and prepared.
Yes. Im ready, but heavens and hells dont want me there. So they force me to stay here. Assholes
Ready for death whenever. By my own hands? I'm committed to sticking around for my dog's lifetime...so not quite yet. I'm hoping Europe's acceptance of "tourists" to the clinics will ease up by then. If not I plan to go by nitrogen, but I really don't want to suffer the indignity in death of an autopsy. It's going to be kind of awkward posting here in the thirties when I have a membership date of 2020.
Mr.Mediocre
Member
- Jun 25, 2020
- 36
No, why rush to end something I may never have back again. Might as well keep lying to myself making up commitments and setting dates that I will never follow through with to numb my current impulse of depression that will go away in the morning before relapsing once again at night.
I'm not ready but I can't do it anymore. I'm so sad and life is fcking hard. I can't deal with this. There is no happiness for me.
Suicide is hard. Not the act but making that final decision. I am getting there..
InterstateFlowers
Experienced
- Apr 16, 2020
- 235
Yes, I'm very ready to die! Not right now though, if an angel offered me a peaceful path to death, I wouldn't take it before leaving my suicide notes to my family. Leaving those notes is very important to me. But after that, I'll take that angel's offer so fast! :)
DyslexicForeigner
Student
- Dec 27, 2018
- 135
I'm doing as much Afterlife research as I can and I don't fear death anymore! I just need to make sure that my CTB method works as intended!
So you want to be another earthbound spirits?
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CarbonMonoxide
Marejeo ni ngamani
- Oct 13, 2019
- 371
I too get the feeling that very few users on here ever actually ctb. For most it's about being a part of a community that allows you to be suicidal without judgment or condescending advice.
Kvotheloner
Member
- Aug 11, 2019
- 63
Been ready, its just kind of hard to get over the hump of murdering yourself. Ill be going soon though
Philosykos
Student
- May 30, 2020
- 196
Honestly? I'm not sure. I think I share a similar sentiment to quite a few people here. I am ready for my life - as it is now - to be over. I'm ready to be dead; I believe in Nothing and Nothing I imagine is at least better than this daily hell my mental health puts me through. I don't enjoy anything anymore, haven't in a long, long time. I don't know what happiness is, I haven't forgotten either; never made its acquaintance. Nor that of the will to live which is inherent to most people.
But I'm not sure if I am actually truly ready to go through with the act of dying. Sure, I can tell myself: 'My SN hasn't arrived yet', 'I need more meds to make the process more peaceful', 'There's birthdays of loved ones coming up'. But I think if I was truly ready to go through the act of dying itself, I'd have flung myself from a height already and got it over with.
I'm sure there's far more fitting monologues to be found in media, but this talk between Arya Stark, The Hound and the dying farmer kind of describes it pretty well:
But I'm not sure if I am actually truly ready to go through with the act of dying. Sure, I can tell myself: 'My SN hasn't arrived yet', 'I need more meds to make the process more peaceful', 'There's birthdays of loved ones coming up'. But I think if I was truly ready to go through the act of dying itself, I'd have flung myself from a height already and got it over with.
I'm sure there's far more fitting monologues to be found in media, but this talk between Arya Stark, The Hound and the dying farmer kind of describes it pretty well:
