Discussion Are we actually great actors?

[WornOutLife]

I can see that many of us have nice acting skills because we somehow manage to deal with daily life, surrounded by normal individuals, in spite of being depressed and suicidal.

For instance, those who live with their families, hide their emotions 24/7, or those who can't quit their jobs, manage to spend about 8 daily hours with normal individuals who will only make questions about the weather, what you did last weekend and so on. Or worst-case-scenario, just boss you around.

In my case, I have a smiling face when I'm surrounded by people, especially my students, because I just can't be honest and tell them something like "The system sucks. Did you know I will ctb some day? Maybe because of depresion or perhaps because I find this universe nonsense and I just can't the answers I'm looking for."

Anyway, could we actually be great actors? What do you think? Do you manage to hide your true feelings or you just can't do it and people know you're suicidal?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

People know I'm suicidal if I look into their eyes for one second.

 

[yive]

People know I'm suicidal if I look into their eyes for one second.

same situation, i absolutely do not know how to lie...

 

[WornOutLife]

same situation, i absolutely do not know how to lie...

This is quite interesting!
How do people react at you and how do you manage to deal with life? You know, making a living, dealing with your family and so on.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

how do you manage to deal with life? You know, making a living

 

[yive]

This is quite interesting!
How do people react at you and how do you manage to deal with life? You know, making a living, dealing with your family and so on.

fortunately i'm a NEET, and my family knows that i have a pessimistic worldview. i'm always sad

 

[WornOutLife]

fortunately i'm a NEET, and my family knows that i have a pessimistic worldview. i'm always sad

I understand. For almost the last 3 years, I had become a NEET and my family supported me in spite of being a loser. I guess we're lucky not to end up homeless. However, I felt really bad when I was in the NEET zone.

Anyway, I'm glad you have someone who really worries about you!

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I am not a great actor I struggle to hide my suicidality specially when I'm in so much distress. Yesterday I spend all day telling my dad I want to die and to help me

 

[WornOutLife]

I am not a great actor I struggle to hide my suicidality specially when I'm in so much distress. Yesterday I spend all day telling my dad I want to die and to help me

Well, I'm glad you were able to get it off your chest by talking to your dad. In my case, all my family know I'm suicidal because of my failed attempt and now they're really scared because I've started to live alone again and they're like: "Damn, this guy could ctb any time soon!"

 

[BandAddict]

I can be. Sometimes I can't be bothered to act differently than I feel, but other times I can laugh, joke around, etc. as though I'm feeling fine. Gets tiring quickly. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I don't have a problem, like "well you're laughing and shit, obviously you're fine." Pretty strange. I feel so detached from myself that sometimes I wonder if my entire life is an act, and none of my emotions are real.

I feel like if I had the drive and was stable enough, I could get some acting parts (I have connects for that, so if I wanted to I actually could,) but that would just confuse me more and probably drive me to madness.

 

[Worndown]

Everyone has to act some of the time. If you suffer from depression or anxiety or any number of other health problems, you probably act more that be "honest" with everyone. Our current systems seem to be built on everyone being happy. They break down when real issues are presented because they are all individual and need individual answers. It is either laziness or a quest for economical solutions to dynamic problems.

 

[Makko]

I'm not just an actor, I'm a roleplayer. I can immerse myself into any made-up role I want and fabricate all the necessary expressions with no effort at all. This also means I'm not living a life of my own, only of my characters. I'm not playing for the sake of the play, I'm playing because I don't have the capacity to be genuine.

 

[bloomingdark]

that's true, we're good until we try to ctb or hurt themselves and they find out, then pretending to get better and doing it again, it's a cycle...

Hey Matt and about you, what kind of teacher are you?

Are you feeling worst lately? :/

 

[BornBrief]

It's literally my job to pretend which I think makes it worse for me. Everything just ends up feeling empty :)

 

[Sans]

I just go with the usual "I'm fine". But sometimes I can't resist telling suicide jokes.

 

[Ame]

Before I recently resigned myself to NEETdom, I was grinding those acting skills at my workplace daily. I absolutely hated my job (to the point of waking up every morning with this hot rage burning in my chest) because every single aspect of it went against the grain of my personality, sensitivities and interests. To make matters worse, I had almost nothing else going on in my life beyond some solitary studying à la distance. Somehow I was really good at maintaining this "yay so cheerful" and agreeable façade despite wanting to string myself up in a washroom stall.

I manage less well with my immediate family and will just blankly stare into space wishing I was dead at random times...although for the most part, I have managed to laugh and be "brighter". My mental illness is something that they are aware of and the fear of suicide is something that has haunted my parents for years, but it seems that they are not aware of how bad things really are. They seem to think that I am coming around from my loss.

Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I don't have a problem, like "well you're laughing and shit, obviously you're fine." Pretty strange. I feel so detached from myself that sometimes I wonder if my entire life is an act, and none of my emotions are real.

This is relatable...sometimes I even question the validity of my own suicidality. Constantly invalidating your own emotions really divorces you from yourself because you cannot even trust your own experiences and judgements.

I'm a roleplayer. I can immerse myself into any made-up role I want and fabricate all the necessary expressions with no effort at all. This also means I'm not living a life of my own, only of my characters.

Also this, although it felt that the difference between my "characters" was more pronounced when I was younger...I don't know if that is because I consolidated them into a single identity or if I gradually cut members from my "roster" as each facet of my life -- along with the associated social circles -- collapsed over the years.

 

[GarageKarate07]

I can see that many of us have nice acting skills because we somehow manage to deal with daily life, surrounded by normal individuals, in spite of being depressed and suicidal.

For instance, those who live with their families, hide their emotions 24/7, or those who can't quit their jobs, manage to spend about 8 daily hours with normal individuals who will only make questions about the weather, what you did last weekend and so on. Or worst-case-scenario, just boss you around.

In my case, I have a smiling face when I'm surrounded by people, especially my students, because I just can't be honest and tell them something like "The system sucks. Did you know I will ctb some day? Maybe because of depresion or perhaps because I find this universe nonsense and I just can't the answers I'm looking for."

Anyway, could we actually be great actors? What do you think? Do you manage to hide your true feelings or you just can't do it and people know you're suicidal?

Lots of stuff here.

First: If we are giving out awards for acting I want a WOODY not an EMMY is this ok? LOL

Second: I think even with all the people here who seek oblivion and nothingness in the afterlife we are still in a way hoping for answers there that we simply can't seem to find here for whatever reasons these answers are hidden from us. We try so fucking hard! We go to work. We be nice. Survive school. We take abuse after abuse without becoming the clock tower guy ( I don't know what you call clock tower guy in other countries sorry). So we spend our moments of despair asking for answers even if we are not religious. I think we do get some answers on the other side. I also think we do get LOVE and a fuckong break. Which could be the equivilant of "oblivion" that most people seek. It's just a nap in a safe place to forget your troubles for once. Actually I was thinking about this all week as I feel I myself am very close and it is very scary and emotional.

Third: This world has no place for suicidal and mentally ill people. IMO this is done by design to harm all the people by crippling as many as possible but that's a topic for another thread. For instance. In a battle it takes 2 men to take 1 injured soldier off the field. More mental patients that have to be dealt with by the public means the public "stays down". You HAVE to hide your true feelings. You cant tell them you want to die. You cant tell them you have a pistol in your dresser. You cant tell them how your parents touched you or abused you. They dont care. Some counselors do but this is very rare. Some nurses and doctors do bit again this is very rare. Most just work to keep their system job and feed their kids because they dont want to start a new career. So we have to hide. In a better world suicide would be understood. We don't have that or at least it can seem like we dont have that. So unfortunately yes we are left ACTING every day. Sad.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Only one person in my life knows that I'm still suicidal... They who know about my latest attempt thinks I'm OK now.

I smile in my pictures, well my eyes don't and somebody probably can see how empty I'm... Maybe.

Kids don't know anything, friends don't know, my doctors or anyone else don't know... That's how it's been my whole life, when I was kid no one noticed anything.

So probably I'm good actor, my soul is crying and screaming but my mouth is closed.

 

[Symbiote]

When you pretend to be someone else to hide your past, your insecurities, your livelihood and trauma, you forget who you originally were. I've worn so many different facades over the years that I've lost who I really am. But then I'm not sure who I really was to begin with. Trying out new things or meeting people in order to find acceptance. Maybe my trauma is the real me, it what defines me and I refuse to let others know about that. It's shameful.

 

[Lmd]

I'm an open book. Sometimes I try really hard to lie but It doesn't have any sense to me. It's making an extra effort of cordiality to appeasse situations that I don't care about. Sometimes I think in the problems that can give me being like this but people put their guard down because they think I'm naive and stupid when I'm just passing because I have enough with my head.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

When I work it's generally in hospitality and boy do you have to put on an act there. I just grew so tired of it and became NEET.

But now it seems I might need to go back to The Great Act 'cause I need more money for more booze. And also to meet women.

 

[loopylou]

I shared a fbook status yesterday that says ' people don't fake depression, they fake being ok'

can relate

 

[GarageKarate07]

When I work it's generally in hospitality and boy do you have to put on an act there. I just grew so tired of it and became NEET.

But now it seems I might need to go back to The Great Act 'cause I need more money for more booze. And also to meet women.

Haha! Booze: keeping people employed since the beginning of time.

 

[Celerity]

I really wish I was. I'm blunt to the point of pain. Most people don't know I'm suicidal because they haven't asked.

 

[WornOutLife]

When I work it's generally in hospitality and boy do you have to put on an act there. I just grew so tired of it and became NEET.

But now it seems I might need to go back to The Great Act 'cause I need more money for more booze. And also to meet women.

It's funny because I ended up working again because I had no money left and I wanted to drink booze lol

 

[wait.what]

I don't think I'm a good actor. I think people are usually too wrapped up in themselves to pay a lot of attention to others, so they don't notice a whole lot. That includes me.

I like the term "NEET." It's usually only used for young adults though, isn't it? I'm 48. Can I be NEET too, or am I just straight up "disabled and unemployed," lol?

edit: Now that I think of it, I think the correct term for me is "shut-in." Basically the same as NEET, only more pathologizing and without the implication that you're young and ought to be full of hope.

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

I always pretend I'm "normal", but nobody thinks I'm. I guess people who know me think I'm weird, because I've never had a boyfriend, so they are very mean to me and ask me awkward questions. So I'm not that good at acting as normal human.

Fortunately my family doesn't know I'm suicidal, so that's enough for me. Sometimes I talk too much about the universe and my crazy theories, but hopefully nobody has any suspicion. When we talked about suicide in general and they asked me about my opinion, I always lied. I couldn't say anything about how I really feel, because they would send me to the psych ward. They can't understand that somebody can have a real depression.

As for my friends I told them I want to ctb and I just found out they are suicidal too. So I have to pretend being "fine" only at home. But I'm really tired of being someone else.

 

[WornOutLife]

I like the term "NEET." It's usually only used for young adults though, isn't it? I'm 48. Can I be NEET too, or am I just straight up "disabled and unemployed," lol?

I was a NEET in my 30s. I think there's no age limit even though it's younger people who generally are NEETs./Shut-ins.

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

Because of how easily I can slip into a certain mask it's started to make me doubt who I really am at times. At times I honestly do feel happy - or at least, not horribly depressed. These are usually when I'm on my add meds and in the crazy middle of it at work. I don't have time to think of upsetting things. Sometimes though, even the heckticness of my work won't be able to sway me and I'll realize I'm on the verge of crying - usually for no real reason.

Sorry, this became rambly. I honestly don't know if I'm acting anymore or if I just slip through different emotions like someone trying on different hats.

 

[Isisnefert]

It is an interesting topic to reflect on, a while ago I did a self-inspection and the conclusion is that I hate my true self and I have hidden behind a mask to try to live and fit in with society.
In my childhood I was a dark, isolated, shy, insecure person, the abusers knew it and I was a victim of them.

In adolescence, knowing that continuing like this would lead to suicide, I decided to change and be someone else, I intentionally changed my image and personality, I created a character, with whom I did well, I was quite popular with friends and with boys. Everything went well until the real me fell in love, that went wrong and my true personality from when I was a child came out.
I had my first official depression.

After that nothing has been the same again, I have used my character as a happy, beautiful and popular person many times, to have friends, a new partner or work. My partner must be surprised at what is happening to me, because there is nothing about the person they fell in love with.

I can't keep pretending I cut off all my friends because they don't want to be with a sad, suicidal person, they love my character, they don't love me.
I know my boyfriend can think like them and it's a matter of time before he leaves too.